Lifeguard, walking into parking lot: They can’t make me stay here. –Misquamicut Beach, Rhode Island
Little boy, wearing a towel as a cape: I’m six! And six-year-old boys are full of poison! I’m gonna bite you! Rawrrr! –Cape Cod, Massachusetts Overheard by: Lisita
Guy #1: Okay, dude — if you could, which one of us would you sleep with?
Queer, looking back and forth, then staring at Guy #2: I have been dreaming of sitting on your face and using your ears as bicycle pedals…
Guy #2: Uh… What? –Papas and Beer, Ensenada, Mexico Overheard by: Alcaeus
Girl: Well, you get like half his money when you divorce!…And he’s in med school now. Alls I’m sayin’ is you should wait a few years. –Folly Beach, South Carolina
Random, possibly drunk lady at bar: 1, 2, 3, 4, who do we appreciate? –Thai Restaurant, Honolulu, Hawaii
Buff dude: Hey, sexy ladies, what’s up?
Girl #1: Not much, just out with my friend and our cat.
Buff dude: You have a cat on the beach?
Girl #2: Of course! People can bring their dogs, can’t they?
Buff dude: Hey, can I pet your pussy? –St. Petersburg Beach, Florida
Mom: What did that lady ask you?
Little girl, wearing “Cerveza With a Smile” shirt: She asked what my shirt said.
Mom: Do you know what it says?
Grandpa: Service with a smile. –Cedar Point, Ohio Overheard by: devin the artist
Cop: Did they not know there was a Koala bear stuck in the grill of their car? –Saint Petersburg, Florida
Guy: There is nothing worse than having sand in your crotch.
Girl: What about a machete in your crotch? –Sydney, Australia
Drunk sunbather: Have I told you I hate kites? I just hate them. They make me want to vomit. Also, I don’t like adjectives, so don’t call this a ‘tasty sandwich.’ –Jones Beach, New York Overheard by: pole