If No Elevator Is Available, I'd Like to Be Carried on a Litter

Puerto Rican princess: Hey! Hey, you - Mr. Captain or whatever.
Steward: Yes, ma'am?
Puerto Rican princess: Does this elevator go to the front of the ship?
Steward: Excuse me?
Puerto Rican princess: Where is the elevator that goes to the front of the ship?
Random passenger: Someone throw her overboard now and put her out of my misery.

--Caribbean Cruise, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida

Overheard by: also waiting for elevator