Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
June 2006 Archives
No, No, I Think Paranoid Jealousy is the Appropriate Reaction
Girl #1: But then I thought, 'Why the hell would he kiss her when he has me?'
Girl #2: Uh, because of the herpes?
Girl #1: Fuck you.
--Cape May, New Jersey
Overheard by: J.Tro
She Went with the Sheep Testicles and a Nice Chablis
English girl reading menu: Oh my god. What? It's all in foreign!
--Beach cafe, Northern France
Overheard by: Jess
What Happened to Gray, Windowless Vans?
Really loud fat lady: Fat old guys drive nice cars to get with the young pretty girls.
--Public parking lot, Seaside, Oregon
Overheard by: Drewlicious
How about 'Letters that Start with the Letter N'?
Teen girl #1: Pick a vegetable!
Teen girl #2: I know mine -- tomato!
Teen girl #3: Dumbass, a tomato's a fruit. Choose again.
Teen girl #2: Ginger!
Teen girl #1: Should I pick an easier category?
--Emerald Isle, North Carolina
From Etymology to Racism in One Easy Step
Rich lady with yappy dog: Well, 'Caucasian' has 'Asian' in it. Then again, there's a 'turd' in every 'Saturday.'
--Golden Gardens Park, Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Disturbed
The Ocean's Only for Crapping In
Teen girl #1: I can't believe people pee in the ocean -- it's so gross.
Teen girl #2: I know, right!
Teen girl #1: Yeah, I only pee in swimming pools. It's cleaner.
--Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: I prefer the toilet
He'll Find Out about It Online Eventually
Drunk mother #1: I met him at a bar. He looked like George Clooney... But we'll see.
Drunk mother #2: Wait, aren't you dating someone?
Drunk mother #1: Not anymore. He just doesn't know it yet.
--Daytona Beach, Florida
You'd Think It'd Come Out Along with the Condom
Teen boy: Let's go back in the water since I have sand in my ass.
--San Clemente Beach, California
Overheard by: Wanted to kill this kid
Every Time a New Johnny Depp Movie Comes Out, Fashion Dies a Little
Queer to boyfriend: You'd look so hot with a peg leg!
Fire Island Boulevard, Fire Island, New York
Overheard by: Bryan
Later, I'll Be Tugging on Superman's Cape and Messing around with Jim
Dude #1: Yo, there are so many garbage cans here. I bet if you tried you could piss in that one from here.
Dude #2: Gross, man!
Dude #1: Okay, well, here goes!
--Coney Island, New York
Not Exactly Rent, But It'll Do
Tanned man #1: Look at those fags over there!
Tanned man #2: Which ones?
Tanned man #1: The two over there, sitting with those four hot girls with the fine asses, big tits, and tiny bikinis.
Tanned man #2: Wait. You and I are alone. Those two guys have two girls each. Sounds like we're the fags.
--Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: D Meyers
She Could Be a Piñata that Hasn't Been Hung
Guy pointing out girl with tampon string hanging out of her bikini: Dude, that chick is either on her period, or she just fucked a tea bag.
--Bronte Beach, Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: Hamish The Li
The Ants are Always Hogging the Spots Under the Magnifying Glass
Teen boy: Ugh. This tanning oil gets so hot! Maybe it will fry off my back zits. Hey, move over, I want to lay down so the sun will burn off my back zits.
--Beach, Rhode Island
But Having It in My Urethra was Worse
Man on cell: Oh my god, she did that, and I thought getting sand in my crack was bad...
--Atlantic Beach, North Carolina
When the Doors of Perception are Cleansed, Man Will See Her Ass as It Truly is: Infinite
Woman: That bitch must have one of those fun house mirrors that she looks thin in, because that ass in that suit is just wrong, wrong, wrong.
--Playa Del Carmen, Mexico
Are You as Wet as I Am?
Girl #1: There are a lot of boobs here.
Girl #2: Yeah, but they are all 60 years old, fat, and saggy.
--Valencia, Spain
Overheard by: Rolo
Buckle Down and Squeeze that Stuff into Diamonds Already, Clark
Mother to three-year-old: Will you quit playin' with that damn sand?! --Coney Island, New York
Whatever He's Talking about, It Shrinks in the Water
Tween boy #1: It is bigger than yours.
Tween boy #2: No, it's not. Besides, it doesn't matter. They are only sand castles.
Tween boy #1: I wasn't talking about that.
--Clearwater Beach, Florida
Overheard by: MangoJoe
Eat it! Eat It, You Round-Eyed Son of a Bitch!
Mom to little boy: If you keep digging that damn hole, a Chinese man is going to pop out and make you eat rice.
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Sheph
The Soft Bigotry of Low Expectations
Girl #1: I think you might be ridiculous.
Girl #2: Look who's talking.
Girl #1: See, you're not normally ridiculous. On the other hand, I am always ridiculous. So why should you expect any different from me?
Girl #2: I shouldn't. I'm sorry.
--#6 Parking Lot, Jones Beach, New York
Two Women and a Cat, and He Thinks They're Straight?
Buff dude: Hey, sexy ladies, what's up?
Girl #1: Not much, just out with my friend and our cat.
Buff dude: You have a cat on the beach?
Girl #2: Of course! People can bring their dogs, can't they?
Buff dude: Hey, can I pet your pussy?
--St. Petersburg Beach, Florida
The Limits of My Language are the Limits of My World
Black kid: Damn, I lost my pants.
Mom: Word?
--Belmar, New Jersey
'Ethereal!' Raves the Washington Post
Young woman: I think Grandma's looking down on us from heaven.
Old lady: I hear that's a nice place.
Young woman: I've been there -- it's awesome!
--Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Robin M.
KKK Just So Stories
Little surfer kid pointing to large black lady: Look, a whale turd.
--New Symrna, Florida
When the Facts Change, I Change My Mind, Sir. What Do You Do?
Guy: See that dark area in the water slowly moving? It's a school of fish
Girl: Wow, are you sure?
Guy: Yup -- snapper.
Girl: Wow, that's amazing. [Long pause] How come it's now on the sand?
Guy: It could also be a cloud.
--Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: Rob Kemper
We're Even Outsourcing Our Urban Menace
Thug #1: You goin' in the water or you not?
Chick: I wanna go in the water, but I need yo' shirt!
Thug #1: You's like the Mexicans sayin' they wanna cross the fence to get to the U.S. Just climb over it!
Thug #2: They cross the river! Them Mexicans turn cars into boats and float across! They must been watchin' Monster Garage when they turned the VW Bug into a boat!
Thug #1: You not gettin' my t-shirt -- go in the water!
Chick, turning to Thug #1's toddler son: Can I have your jersey? You have a shirt under it! I wanna go in the water!
Toddler: No!
Thug #2: That thing was sick. They turned that car into a boat and floated across!
--Plum Island, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Megan
In a Related Story, Keira Knightley Spotted Scouring the Beach for Buried Treasure
Guy: My god, what is that?
Chick: What?
Guy: This thing here. Medical waste is washing up on the shore.
Chick: What are you talking about?
Guy: Right there. It's a breast implant.
Chick: It's a jellyfish, you ninny.
Guy: ... I wondered why there were so many.
--Jersey Shore, New Jersey
Every Drug Needs Evangelists
Girl running along shore: Smoke weed every day!
Black lady on beach blanket: Hallelujah! Come here, baby!
Girl runs to black lady, who stands and hugs her and kisses her.
Black lady: Smoke weed, God bless you!
--Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: t-money
Oedipus: 2006
Mother: Will you please stop whining?
Small boy: Shut up, Mommy.
--Martell's Tiki Bar, Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: Trystan
So, You're from Europe? Do You Know John?
Guy on crowded boardwalk: Hey, you! You, over there! Hey, you in the bathing suit, I'm talking to you! --Orchard Beach, Maine
Wait, So if I Take My Shirt Off, You Can See Through It?
Two girls are dancing in their car, while listening to 'Boom Boom Boom Boom.'
Driver's seat: Dude, I wonder if people are staring at us right now.
Passenger's seat: We're in a car. No one can see us! We have tinted windows!
Driver's seat: Dude. All the windows are down.
--Spring Lake, New Jersey
Overheard by: Thank god I have a high IQ
You Think I Didn't Measure Before I Packed It In?
Teen girl: You have no idea how much sand I have in my vagina.
--Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: Chantal
Maybe It's 'Cause You Murdered Selena
Latina #1: I feel like everybody hates me.
Latina #2: Maybe it's 'cause you feet stink.
--Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, New York
A Real Whore Would Have Given You AIDS, Not Just the Clap
Girl: I'm a backpacker, not a real whore.
--Coogee Beach, Sydney, Australia
It's the Ashes of Dead Mouseketeers
Redneck mother: Where'd all this sand come from?
Redneck daughter: Disney, probably.
--Daytona Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Angela Cimato
Babysitters from the Projects are Just More Affordable
Boy: Good looks!
Girl: Good looks?
Boy: Yeah, that's what black people say.
--Rockaway Beach, Queens, New York
Overheard by: Sparky
In that Case, Put that Big Black Cock in my Ass
Teen boy: ... And you're so racist.
Teen girl: I'm really not.
Teen boy: It's okay. I find it sexy.
--Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: Api
