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November 2006 Archives
Time to Go Back in the Water, Sweetie
Little girl: Guess what Daddy told me, Mommy!
Mother: What's that?
Little girl: When you sweat, it's like your skin is peeing all over you!
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Mandy
It Would Have Had the Same Effect on My Cock
Chick: I don't know why you wanted to come to a nudist beach... It's all old, gay, wrinkled men here. They're all staring at me and the water is so cold -- you look teeny.
Dude: I know, I should have just had you walk around naked at home.
--Gunnison Beach, Sandy Hook, New Jersey
God Rolls an Icy White Blanket over the Water -- Like a Pool Tarp
Tourist: What do they do with the beach in the winter?
--Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Travis
He Sinks Three-Quarters of the Way Through Every Voyage
Dude: That's why they call me 'the Titanic.'
Chick: They don't call you 'the Titanic.'
--Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Ana
Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Get Back in the Dating Pool
Teen girl: I heard there are sharks in the lake.
Teen boy: That's probably not true.
Teen girl: It's true. Like, somebody got killed here by a shark.
Teen boy: I think you have upstate New York confused with anywhere with a shoreline.
Teen girl: But...
Teen boy: 'But'-nothing if you wanna get fucked later.
--Lake George, New York
But Everyone Knows It's Minerals That Are the Real Challenge
Man: It was really impressive to do that with vegetables.
--Weymouth, Dorset, United Kingdom
Overheard by: Carolyn & Clare
In Other Words, She'd Fuck Him Jewish
Dude: You know you're turning me on, right?
Hootchie: Do you want me to stop?
Dude: No. No, I don't.
Hootchie: If you didn't have a girfriend, I'd fuck you so hard you wouldn't recognize Jesus.
--Newport, Oregon
Overheard by: Sonora
Tell You What: Give Your Money to Me, and Then You'll Have Genuine Motivation to Steal
Jersey girl: Why do we have to be all ghetto and start stealing stuff when we have money?
--Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: alison
A Car That Runs on Water
Mother to teen daughter: I want the stuff they won't let you buy.
--Medicine aisle of supermarket, Bethany Beach, Delaware
'Except for Comedians'? Ahahaha! Genius!
Bostonian #1: I was thinking I should try out for Saturday Night Live or somethin'.
Bostonian #2: Yeah, you should, Vin. You are funny!
Bostonian #1: Yeah, I know! I mean, who's funnier than me? Except for, you know, comedians.
--South Beach, Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts
Overheard by: luna
How J-Lo Can You Go?
Hootchie #1: You can totally see my ass-crack in these jeans -- what do you think?
Hootchie #2: Ass-crack is the new cleavage.
--San Diego, California
Overheard by: AP
You Were Listening to Coldplay
Teen boy: Fucking faggots!
Queer: How can he tell I'm gay?
Lesbo: How can he tell I'm a lesbian? What, do we exude a flamboyantly-homosexual aura or something? Fuck, we're cuddling with a member of the opposite gender, and people still know we're gay! Damn, it's like P.E. class all over again.
--Delta, British Columbia, Canadia
Before or after They Take Care of Joanie's Really Bad Slut Problem?
Walking vendor: Oh, I know you! I fucked your sister on your front lawn! Your parents have a really bad grub problem. They should take care of that.
--Charlestown, Rhode Island
Of All the Fluids You've Rubbed Over My Back, This One Grosses You Out?
Queer #1 reaching for sunscreen: Okay, I need someone to do my back!
Queer #2: Ewww.
Queer #1: Oh, shut up you skanky-ass, motherfucking whore!
--Cherry Grove Beach, Fire Island, New York
Overheard by: Marizzle
And Me with Only Two Hands
Small boy gazing in awe: All the tooshie...
--Caroline Bay, Timaru, New Zealand
Overheard by: [LadyFlash]
Aren't You Guys a Little Young for a Suicide Pact?
Kid #1: Wanna make a sand castle?
Kid #2: I don't like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go swimming?
Kid #2: I don't like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go eat ice cream?
Kid #2: Wanna go die?
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Mandy
It's Mostly a Pro Forma Request
Mom: Are you ready to go?
Little girl: No!
Mom: Okay, let's go!
--Sarasota, Florida
Overheard by: wondering why she bothered to ask
... While the Producers of Fear Factor Waited in the Wings with Hepatitis Innoculations
Swedish guy: ... So she had to shave her pussy and use a used razor she found in the trash.
--Barcelona, Spain
Overheard by: boxface
Speaking of Slapping Bitches...
Girl #1: She's such a ditz. She's in a band called 'Bitch Slap,' and they all wear matching shirts that say 'Bitch Slap.'
Girl #2: They do not!
Girl #1: They do so!
Girl #2: They do not!
Girl #1: They do so!
Girl #2: They do not!
Girl #1: They do so!
Girl #2: They do not!
--Coffs Harbour, Australia
Yes, Just Keep It Away from My Nipples
Dude #1: That girl is hot!
Dude #2: I'd like to duct tape her to a chair!
Dude #2's girlfriend: You're into that?
--Dewey Beach, Delaware
Girls: Yes, We'll be 'Right Back'
Bike kid #1: Where are you going? The girls are coming right back!
Bike kid #2: I'm going to get gum.
Bike kid #1 to bike kid #3: We're never bringing him to fucking Wawa again!
--Cape May, New Jersey
Overheard by: DennyCrane
Plus, 13 Is an Unlucky Number
Creepster: Her dad says I'm too old to be hitting on a 13-year-old girl, so I do the math. But if you let them get their belly button pierced, they are going to get attention.
--St. Simon's Island, Georgia
Overheard by: Dragoman
But Then You Could Tuck Your Shorts under Them
Teen chick #1: I might want boobs like that.
Teen chick #2: Yeah, but then they'd get old and saggy.
--Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: I.S.
When Shown an Issue of Maxim, He Discovered He Was Mistaken
Queer looking at screaming queer in water: Maybe I'm not gay.
--Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: laughing entirely too much
Don't Forget to Ask Dad If He Wants a Turn Riding It
Little girl #1: Britney*, what are you doing?
Little girl #2: Building sand boobies.
Little girl #1: You know, you can turn the boobies into testicles and we can make a giant sand penis.
Little girl #2: Okay, cool.
--Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: Lori Lou Who
When He Does Return, Keith Richards Will Have Much to Answer for
Middle-aged lady #1: He keeps calling me on the cell phone telling me he'll be right there and I'm like, 'I've been waiting 25 years, I'm leaving!'
Middle-aged lady #2: And my poor granddaughter is there, and we're all hugging on each other...
--Cabrillo Beach, California
Overheard by: confused
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