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February 2007 Archives
It's Made of Corn Starch
Girlfriend: Oh my god, I am so hot!
Boyfriend: Then go in the water and cool off.
Girlfriend: I can't! This bikini is dry clean only!
--Long Island, New York
Overheard by: carenexplainsitall
And Then They Can Trade
Girl waiting for busy elevator: I hate this elevator! It always takes so long. They should just make one go up and the other go down.
--Atlantic Beach, North Carolina
Overheard by: Smithra
You're Thinking of Golf Courses
Lady #1: You can take that dog on board?
Lady #2: Sure, but he has to be small enough to fit under the seat in front of you. And you have to pay 75 dollars for each leg.
Lady #1: 75 dollars for each leg of the dog?!
--Tampa airport, Florida
What You Want to Steer Away from Is the Shield Volcano Kind
Tony: So, tell me about them.
Ralph: Her tits?
Tony: Yeah.
Ralph: Okay, you know those kinda tits -- the Mount Everest kind?
Tony: Yeah, yeah...
Ralph: And you know those kinda tits -- the Mount Whitney kind?
Tony: Uh-huh.
Ralph: They were a cross between those.
Tony: Ohhh. Solid, man, solid.
--The Hamptons, New York
You Are? I Just Thought You Tanned All Year
Girl on cell: What? Baby, what are you talking about? Why would you want to adopt a Negro?
--Clearwater, Florida
Overheard by: Hana
Guess Mommy's Never Seen a Real Woman
Woman to friend: Look at that woman. She so fat, we should call Greenpeace to roll her back in the ocean.
Little girl passing by fat woman: My mommy says Greenpeace should roll you back into the ocean!
--Zandvoort, Netherlands
Overheard by: Linda
Hippies: We've Been Trying to Tell You!
Chick #1: So like, I shaved my legs and then went to this party and there was this toootally hot guy there, but he didn't want to hook up with me.
Chick #2: Well, I have this theory that you only get action when your legs are hairy.
--The Hamptons, New York
And That's the Way We Became the Brady Bunch
Girl #1: Alex and I had sex here, on this beach.
Girl #2: When?
Girl #1: Last summer. We were staying at his parents' beach house and would come out here at night and just do it.
Girl #2: Sounds fun.
Girl #1: Oh, it was. Until we saw this couple walking their dog by the water.
Girl #2: Hm?
Girl #1: It turned out it was Alex's parents. They totally knew it was us.
Girl #2, laughing: Did they ever say anything about it?
Girl #1: Oh, yeah. His dad took me aside the next morning and told me we could have a private rendezvous one night if I wanted.
Girl #2: No way! That's disgusting! Oh my god, what a perv!
Girl #1: Yeah, except he and his wife were going to get a divorce anyway...
--Stinson Beach, California
Nobody Expected Wingtips
Hippie girl: Hey, how's Stone?
Hippie guy: You know -- he's Stone... Oh, wait! He started wearing shoes!
Hippie girl: Well, that is a change!
--Maui, Hawaii
10 Dollars Cancels Out a Lot of Strange
Mother: Danny, go ask those people for a lighter.
Son: Why, Mom?
Mother: So I can light my smoke, baby.
Son: I'm not your baby, and no! They are strange.
Mother: I'll give you ten bucks.
Son: Okay!
--Shark's Cove, Oahu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Hope
I'll Lend You My Scissors
Little girl: Do a lot of guys try to kiss you at college?
College chick: Ummm... I'm pretty, but that doesn't mean guys just suddenly try and kiss me.
Little girl: What do you do when they do?
College chick: I think I would slap them.
Little girl: What if he's naked?
College chick: What, so a naked guy comes up to me and tries to kiss me?
Little girl: What if he gets naked for you?
College chick: How old are you, again?
Little girl: What if he's naked and there's sex?
College chick: [Long pause] Uhhh... Do you mean rape?
Little girl: What if he's like, um, naked and there's sex?
College chick: ... What the...?!
--Coronado Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: chippy
If You'll Refer to This Venn Diagram...
Fat guy in tight shirt: Okay, I can understand a Vulcan being a Buddhist, but not a Christian.
--Venice Beach, California
I'm Guessing The Sopranos
Little girl: I'm gonna... I'm gonna cut off your head with a knife!
Mother, shocked: Where did you hear that kind of language?!
Little girl: Ummm, I don't know...
Mother: You must have heard it somewhere!
Little girl: I made it up! ... Is pepperoni meat?
Mother: Yes.
--Oceanside, California
Overheard by: kafrin
I'm Not Pregnant
Man: I can't believe how much gas we saved by renting that car instead of taking mine.
Woman: Yeah, but how come you can fart in it, but I can't smoke?
--Oregon
Willing to Take Responsibility for His Actions, but Unable to Remember Them
Dude in hot tub: Wait, we didn't do it? So we aren't in trouble?!
--Carnival Ecstasy cruise
And with That Attitude, You Never Will
Girl #1: So anyway, when me and Dale went shopping last night--
Girl #2: --No! 'Dale and I'...
Girl #1: ... No, you didn't come.
--Hotel, Sydney, Australia
A Long Way of Saying, 'We Reserve the Right to Put You in a Reality Show'
Dude #1: So, I'm up for this reality show...
Dude #2: Hey, congratulations!
Dude #1: But in this contract they want me to sign it says, 'We reserve the right to use any footage that embarrasses, humiliates, defames, or otherwise ruins your fucking life.' I'm not signing that shit.
--West Hollywood, California
... Just Like the Ones on My Penis
Guy: I've seen that girl naked more than any other guy at this school, and I'm telling you, man, she has spots all over her vagina.
--West Beach, Beverly Farms, Massachusetts
Is That What Happened to Neve Campbell?
Surfer #1: I'm thinking about joining this race where you paddle out to Catalina.
Surfer #2: How do you get back?
Surfer #3: Might not come back.
Surfer #4: Heavy.
--Malibu, California
Overheard by: Brandon
The Answer Is Sedimentary, My Dear Watson
Bimbette looking up at cliff face: Hey, do rocks eat other rocks?
Guy: ... Huh?
Bimbette: Do rocks eat other rocks? You know, so that they can grow into bigger rocks...
Guy: Are you serious? No, rocks do not eat other rocks.
Bimbette: Then, like... How do they get bigger?
Guy: [Silence.]
Bimbette: Like, what do they eat?
--Merewether Beach, Newcastle, Australia
And in the Slums They Call Them 'Lunch'
Little boy: Dad, what kind of birds are these?
Dad: Those are pigeons, but at the seaside they will call them 'seagulls'!
--Ostseebad Damp, Germany
Overheard by: Pascal
Wait, Where Are the Kids?
Tourist lady #1: Do you think the melon is any good? Should I give it to the kids?
Tourist man: Why? What's wrong with it?
Tourist lady #1: It was on the counter earlier for an hour or so.
Tourist lady #2: Oh, no, I'd ask someone else.
Tourist lady #1, loudly, to others in group: Do you think the melon is any good? I'm not sure I should give it to the kids.
Group members: Why? I don't know if you should! Do the kids like melon? Was it warm when it was out?
Male stranger in line: Are you retahded?! Just give them the fuckin' melon!
--Crane Beach, Ipswich, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Buhaj
Usually We Just Mock Americans
Chick: So, what's there to do for fun around here?
Lifeguard: I dont know, I'm Canadian.
--North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: NSBS Geo
Sir, I'm Going to Need to Wand You
Boy #1: Yeah, it was cool, but that bouncer searched me like crazy. He was patting my thighs and stuff. Security is crazy at that place, huh?
Boy #2: What security?
Boy #3: What bouncer?
Boy #1: You know, that big, fat guy near the entrance.
Boy #2: There was no security dude.
Boy #1: ... Then who the hell was that guy?!
Boys #2 and #3 laugh hysterically.
--Venice Beach, California
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