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March 2007 Archives
Anybody Still Worried about the Focus on Dead White Europeans in Schools?
Girl #1: We can go see the Kula botanical gardens.
Girl #2: Where on the island is it?
Girl #1, reading guidebook section: It's in flora and fauna -- I don't know where that is.
Girl #2: Um... Flora and fauna means plants and animals, it isn't a place on the map.
Girl #1: Well, I don't speak Hawaiian so how was I supposed to know?
--Kihei, Maui, Hawaii
Overheard by: ispeakhawaiian
Those Bastards!
Blonde: Why is the water so much saltier on this coast? They really need to stop putting all their extra salt in the water.
Dude: Extra salt?
Blonde: Yeah, isn't that what the government does -- just dumps the barrels of extra salt into the water?
--Daytona Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Kristin
I Thought Gulf Was a Gasoline
Teen #1: ... And then I got, like, swept out into the Pacific! It was so scary!
Teen #2: Don't you mean the Atlantic?
Teen #1: Oh, yeah.
Teen #3: You guys are retards. That's the Gulf of Mexico!
Teens #1 and #2: Ohhh.
--St. Simons Island, Georgia
Overheard by: just out for a walk
'80s: Seriously, Though
Chubby twink: The '80s called, they want their lipstick back.
Chick in black with bright red lipstick: Your boyfriend called, he thinks you're fat.
Chubby twink runs off crying, chick in black lights a smoke.
--Witty's Lagoon, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: sleepless
And She's Always Blabbing to My Wife
Cute surfer: So, how's it going? Did you go out with her again?
Really cute surfer: Oh, no, she's traveling, but I'm waiting for her to come back.
Cute surfer: You're really into her, right? I thinks she's hot.
Really cute surfer: Yeah, she's amazing.
Cute surfer: Have you, like, talked to her about going out again?
Really cute surfer: Yeah, kinda... [Looking away and waving] Hey, dude, stop talking about it. My girlfriend is coming.
Cute surfer: Oh, okay [smiles and waves to girl].
--Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Overheard by: And I thought he was cute
Nudists Have Ways of Recognizing Each Other
Little boy: Dad, why does that girl have her swim suit straps down like that?
Dad: So she doesn't get tan lines on her shoulders. Yup, if your mom had those I never would've married her.
--Maui, Hawaii
Overheard by: Mindygotback
Yeah, Until It Melts
Teen girl #1: Hey, you can have some of my Coke if you want.
Teen girl #2: Yeah, thanks [sips]. Ugh, it has ice. I'm allergic to ice.
Dude: Oh my god, really? You're allergic to ice?!
--Sydney, Australia
Oh, Jessica, and Just When You'd Mastered That 'Chicken of the Sea' Thing
Woman: I'm starving! Let's go get something at Burger King.
Friend: So am I. Hey, did you know that Burger King sells veggie burgers? I just found that out the other day.
Woman: Really? Veggie burgers? What do they use? Like, turkey?
--Panama City Beach, Florida
I Already Asked
Mom: You're drunk!
Daughter: Relax, Mom, it's not like they're going to let me drive the boat.
--Cruise ship, Bahamas
The Day of the Mom-and-Pop Brothel Has Passed
Wife: Yeah, but think of all those Asian girls we fucked. Now think of their husbands and boyfriends...
Husband: Yeah... If I was one of those nerdy, ugly white guys I'd be pulling mad Oriental ass.
--Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: lora
We Talk of Many Things
Woman #1: Oh my god! How are you?
Woman #2: I'm great! How are you?
Woman #1: I'm great! How's your walrus?
Woman #2: Oh, he's fine. I'm keeping him in my living room.
--Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Overheard by: Adam Kraemer
But Then I Stopped Pretending
Queer #1: Oh my god, I used to eat Little Debbies all the time! I would have a Little Debbie and a Coke for breakfast every day.
Queer #2, intensely: I fucking loved Little Debbies.
--Publix, South Beach, Miami, Florida
AKA 'Potato Lung'
Dude #1: So, apparently he died from consumption.
Dude #2: Oh, man, I would hate to die from constipation... I think I almost did, once.
Dude #3: Is that what happens when you get tuberculosis?
--Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Juan Dude
It's Spelled 'Wilde,' but You've Got the General Idea
Four-year-old boy: Wild for penis! Wild for penis! Wild for penis!
--Long Island Beach Club, Long Island, New York
What? I'm Trying to Seem Interested
Girl #1: Hey, did you hear that the US population just went up to 300 million? Isn't that crazy?!
Girl #2: Yeah, it is! What was it before?
--Fort Lauderdale Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Ava
Though Normally Reserved, Jared Has Decided to Take a Political Stand
Teen: Fuck Hitler! Fuck Hitler! Fuck Hitler! ... Fuck Hitler.
--Seacliff Beach, Santa Cruz, California
I Miss Her
Father pointing to ocean: Hey, John, look at the dolphins! [Seven-year-old boy looks around, not seeing them.] You're missing them! You're missing them like you miss everything! You're just like your mother!
--Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Got to remember that for when I am a parent
Celebrity Wit
After four years of documenting the insights of the Unknown Man in the Street,
we're branching out and documenting the insights of the Celebrity, too. Let
us know what you think of our new site, Celebrity Wit, by e-mailing us at
hatemail@overheardinnewyork.com or lovemail@overheardinnewyork.com
Team Overheard
I Mean, I'm Not Some Kind of Pervert
Guy: Look, Jen -- I'll fuck you, I'll spank you, I'll tie you up, and I'll piss on you, but I am not getting back into a relationship with you.
--Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia
English Majors on Vacation
Sunbathing coed: Action, action, I need action! A-C...
Helpful friend: S-H-O-N.
Together: Action!
--Carnival Imagination cruise ship
Britney and K-Fed in Five Years
Drunk mother: So, do... When we should send the kids to bed?
Drunk father: Well, the older one can stay up later tonight... What the fuck is that kid's name...?
Drunk mother: Brianna?
Drunk father: Who the hell...? I mean, Sabrina.
Drunk mother: You're holding Sabrina.
Drunk father: Cassie! Send the other two to bed in an hour or so, but Cassie can stay up later. [Baby in his arms starts to cry.] Shut the hell up, Cheyenne.
--Beach campground, Mindon, Ontario, Canadia
What Would It Cost to Rent It?
40-something guy: So, what do you do for a living?
Chick in bikini: Oh, I have a long list of things...
40-something guy: Stripper?
Chick in bikini, hardly offended: Do I look like I have the body of a stripper?
40-something guy: That's why I asked.
--Palm Beach, Florida
Something I Probably Would Never Do in Front of You
Boyfriend to girlfriend's underage sister: Want a beer? [Girlfriend and little sister stare at him.] What? It's not like I asked her to blow me.
--Treasure Island Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Sara
Leave Your Sister Alone, Honey -- She Had a Hard Night
12-year-old girl: Mom! She's throwing up pickles in the pool!
--Ixtapa, Mexico
And Not a Good-Looking One, Either
Aussie queer: I know that guy's gay. That's got to be his sister. A minute ago a guy came walking up to him that had the same look -- tattoos, short hair... That's usually a giveaway, right? Monkey's face.
American queer: Monkey's face? What's that mean? Is that another Australian colloquialism?
Aussie queer: No, I was just saying the guy's face looked like a monkey.
--Bronte Beach, Australia
Help Me Shake It Loose before the US Invades
Fat lady screaming: Taneesha! Homegirl, get yo' ass in here and see this! There be more sand up in my vah-jay-jay than the Saharia desert!
--Dressing room, Montego Bay, Jamaica
Overheard by: Erin
No Wet Bar. Can You Believe It?
Blonde: ... So as soon as we got home from spring break I told my boyfriend that I had sex with Brad on the beach.
Friend: Oh my gosh! What did your boyfriend do?!
Blonde: He said, 'I guess we're not riding in Brad's limo for prom.'
Friend: What's wrong with Brad's limo?!
--St. Augustine beach, Florida
Just When You Were Sure Those Laguna Beach Kids Were Actors...
Girl: We need to date boys who are smart and rich. Our boyfriends are stupid and poor and don't even have the same wireless provider as us.
--Laguna Beach, California
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