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October 2007 Archives
Surely There Is an Establishment with That Name
Professor #1: Where are you going?
Professor #2, with group of freshmen: Oh, y'know, Friday afternoon -- just heading down to the bar.
Professor #1: Um...
Professor #2: The sand bar.
--Eckerd College, St. Petersburg, Florida
Overheard by: I love my major.
See the Colossus of Rhodes?
Tourist: So, what's on the other side of the lake?
Lifeguard: Ummm, that's not a lake -- that's the Atlantic Ocean.
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
Communism Is Difficult to Swallow
Father to small child: Is that from China? Get that out of your mouth!
--Long Beach, Long Island, New York
All We Asked Was, "Which Way Is North?"
Big-boobed lady to a man's wife: Yes, they're real. Would you like to feel for yourself? You're staring at them more than your husband is.
--New Smyrna Beach, Florida
Overheard by: trying not to make like I was listening
You Say This "Clitoris" Actually Has a Purpose?
Middle-aged woman to friend: Well, she had to get it long before she could use it.
--Bethany Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Tim Berzins
Let's Just Go to the Beach, Okay?
Girl #1: I'm glad we aren't having earthquakes here like back in Cali.
Girl #2: It would suck coming over to Maui and then having an earthquake here.
Girl #1: Hey, can you feel an earthquake in a plane?
Girl #2: Um...
--Kihei, Maui, Hawaii
Overheard by: Darcy
Wait Until She Sees Some Purple Ones
Southern lady looking at surfers in wetsuits: I never knew there were so many negro surfers!
--El Granada, California
Overheard by: davo
Do You Know How Babies Are Made?
16-year-old girl: Look, a rainbow!
16-year-old boy: Yeah... Do you know how rainbows are made?
16-year-old girl: Of course -- when the sun hits the mountains--
16-year-old boy: --Okay, I'm gonna stop you there before you say something stupid.
--Reykjavík, Iceland
Overheard by: RoKKeRiNN
Also the Idea behind Lifesavers Candy
Girl #1, whispering: Oh my god, I'm choking on this macaroni.
Girl 2: Then how are you talking?
Girl 1: The macaroni is stuck in my throat straight up, and I'm breathing through the hole in the noodle.
Girl 2: Ohhh, that makes sense.
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: jenny
This Stuff Coming Out of Me Is Bad News, Then
Hungover fat chick: You mean, I didn't have sex last night?
Hungover skinny chick: Nope.
Hungover fat chick: I could have sworn I had sex with somebody last night...
Hungover skinny chick: Nope.
--Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Overheard by: glinda
NewsFlash: Toddler Gets Eyes Pecked Out. "Deserved It," Sources Say.
Three-year-old girl using towel as a cape and chasing seagull: I'm prettier than you! I'm prettier than you!
--Pacific Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: you're very tan
Please Explain How
Man in skirt to bald woman: Seriously... Marijuana-fueled cars. It'd be great! Everyone would be high, and we'd have clean air!
--Avon, New Jersey
Overheard by: Tomatilla
Introducing, the Most Articulate Man in New Jersey
Italian guy about cars with undercarriage lights: Look at these shitheads with the fucking shit on their fucks!
--Jersey Shore, New Jersey
Overheard by: quazarfreez
Shark: This Job Just Keeps Getting Harder
Blonde: Oh my god, I've been watching 'Shark Week' on TV, and this guy got his hand bitten off. It was crazy! It was a show about survivors, and they showed the scars and everything!
Brunette: That is crazy. I don't know how I'd live without my hands. I'd rather have the shark bite off my arm.
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Steve
NewsFlash: Viagra and Headboards Spell Disaster
Tourist mom on cell: He's not gonna be brain damaged! It wasn't my fault -- it was only two hours!
--Point Pleasant Boardwalk, New Jersey
Overheard by: bonzo
And Yet Here We Are...
White girl #1: I can feel the sun eating away my paleness!
White girl #2: I was going to say I can feel the sun busting apart my DNA...
--Caye Caulker, Belize
I Don't Care What Anybody Says -- Paint Is a Food
Six-year-old boy: I had to take a second year of kindergarten.
Dad: Just like your old man.
--Point Lookout Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: PrairieSquid
A Few Drinks Will Change Her Mind
Little boy with faux tattoo heading to wading pool: Hey, let's all get in the pool and get naked!
Little girl: With you? Ewww!
--Sea Colony, Bethany Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: RexGee
We Should Have Brought at Least Three Rolls of TP!
Small boy to friend while riding their bikes: So, are you on your second pair of underwear yet?
--Pinery Provincial Park, Grand Bend, Ontario, Canadia
Overheard by: debbie
You Know about That?
Guy to pal: Dude, I am pissed. When we were at your mom's house the other night, she didn't even give me a taco. That is horse shit. My mom always gives you a taco.
--Belmar, New Jersey
It Would Be Easier If You Just Went Home
Drunk sunbather: Have I told you I hate kites? I just hate them. They make me want to vomit. Also, I don't like adjectives, so don't call this a 'tasty sandwich.'
--Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: pole
Could the World Continue in My Absence?
14-year-old boy, looking at tide chart: Dude, I don't get it! High tide is at 9:55 p.m., but this place closes at eight!
--Crescent Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Kevin and Elissa
There Were Pictures of Some Fat Chick on Her Myspace, but She's Thin, So It's Cool
Chick #1: I can't put these pictures on MySpace! I look fat!
Chick #2: I'll put them on MySpace. I'm a skinny bitch.
--Jones Beach, New York
Did He Just Tackle That Manatee?
Chick #1: Is it just me, or does that baby over there have really broad shoulders?
Chick #2: Maybe you should get his number.
--Oscoda, Michigan
Overheard by: Kate
And Then She Loses Jewelry!
Girl to friend: Oh my god, the Titanic was so sad. Her true love is poor, and then he dies.
--Crane Beach, Massachusetts
Then What'll We Use to Sand the Boat?
Mom: Honey, what are you doing?
Daughter: Going under the umbrella, because I don't want my butt to get parched.
--Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: Kara
Well, God Is Pretty Old
Five-year-old as old lady swims by: Grandpa, how much older can a woman get?!
--Harry Wright Lake, Manchester, New Jersey
Overheard by: I Put on More SPF
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