Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
November 2007 Archives
That's Not in the Brochure
Gangsta teen wannabe: Damn, son, check that ho!
Little brother: Which one?
Gangsta teen wannabe: The one with the splat-tat and the muffin top.
Little brother: Daaamn!
Gangsta teen wannabe: Maybe she'll bend over and show some slut crack.
Mom, studying tourist info: What?
--Cannery Row, Monterey, California
Overheard by: gt6driver
Just Pretend You're Asleep in Bed, Honey
Small boy running back from the ocean: Mom! I have to pee!
Mom: Just go in the ocean.
Boy: I tried, but the waves kept pushing my pants back up!
--Bethany Beach, Delaware
Not Smart Enough to Capitalize on Free Pussy
Bimbette looking at guy reading GRE study guide: What's that?
Guy: Huh? [Bimbette points to title.] It's a test I need to take to get my Master's. [Bimbette looks confused.] It's like the SATs for graduate school.
Bimbette: So you're, like, smart and shit. [Guy stares at her and then walks away.]
--St. Pete Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Chicagoan in FL
Lamarck: The Evidence I Was Waiting For!
Girl: That big lady across the room is staring at you again. You know she thinks you're hot -- I bet she's picturing you naked right now.
Guy, rubbing his nipples: She wants my body.
Girl: In a minute she's gonna look over here and do that to you.
Guy: Are you kidding? That bitch would have to grow longer arms so she could reach below her knees.
--Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
What to Wear to a Tattooing, by Emily Post
Chick getting tattoo on her foot: That hurts!
Guy tattoo-ing her: It wouldn't hurt so much if you weren't wearing tie-dye.
--Ocean Beach, San Diego, California
So They Both Just Lie There?
Girl #1: I was talking to Jess* the other day. She's been home for a while.
Girl #2: Isn't she a lesbian now?
Girl #1: Yeah, she was with her girlfriend, Michelle, who was really nice and really hot.
Girl #2: So, Jess is like the boy, right?
Girl #1: No. They are both girls.
--St. Kilda Beach, Australia
Overheard by: one of those lesbians who dates boys
Mirrors, Mostly
Drunk girl: Wow, those cookies are sooo big! How do they do that?
--Highway 98 East, Destin, Florida
Overheard by: restaurant bitch
It's a Cry for Attention
Goth girl #1: So, the stupid cam won't fucking stop following me.
Goth girl #2: [Hiccuping.]
Goth girl #1: And I can't adjust it or anything.
Goth girl #2: [Hiccuping.]
Goth girl #1: So it's really fucking--
Goth girl #2: --[Hiccuping.]
Goth girl #1: Would you fucking stop it?!
--Venice Beach, California
But I Feel a Lot Higher Than That
Wifey turning from looking at ocean: This is so nice. What elevation are we at?
Hubby: ... Seriously?
Wifey: Yes.
Hubby: Um... Sea level, honey.
Wifey: Oh. Yeah.
--Ka'anapali Beach, Maui, Hawaii
Overheard by: D-Rock
From Michael Moore's Bowling for Sea Lions
Bimbette tourist #1, about sea lions play-fighting: Oh my god, look at those seals! That big one just, like, knocked the smaller one off the wood thing!
Bimbette tourist #2: That is so mean. I hope the little one, like, kicks his ass in the end.
Local: They're just play-fighting. It's a show of dominance.
Bimbette tourist #1: But he pushed him off! He so wasn't kidding. I could tell.
Bimbette tourist #2: Seriously. God, how can you just excuse him acting like that? Not cool.
Local, muttering: Fucking tourists...
--Fisherman's Wharf, San Francisco, California
Overheard by: an amused local
Probably Has Something to Do with the Location of His Brain
Dad, about bald passerby: That guy is really bald!
Daughter: Dad, you have more hair on your butt than your head.
--Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Ryan
What's the Word for a Fear of Teenyboppers?
Teenybopper #1: Ew, I hate wide open spaces.
Teenybopper #2: Isn't there a word for that?
Teenybopper #1: Yeah, I think it's some kind of phobia or something.
--Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: MarilynMonBRO
... Because It Is
Girl #1: Yeah, my mom wants me to go to this party, but I don't wanna go alone. Wanna come?
Girl #2: Is it Tina's party?
Girl #1: ... Did you just ask me if it was a penis party?
--Clearwater, Florida
Overheard by: Hana
But Then, So Have I
Man on cell: I know -- she's been a proper cunt since she got cancer.
--Freshwater West, Pembroke, Wales
Overheard by: Withy
Her Vulvar Ring Is from Tiffany's
Girl #1: So, I was thinking about taking a picture of my yoo-hoo and framing it for my boyfriend this Christmas. Opinions?
Girl #2: I think you're the classiest individual I've ever encountered.
Girl #1: You're too kind.
--Waikiki beach, Honolulu, Hawaii
But Has Fewer Carbs
Chick #1: My dog won't eat its food unless we mix cottage cheese in it.
Chick #2: Ew, cottage cheese is disgusting.
Chick #1: Yeah, I hear it looks like a yeast infection.
--Hilton Head, South Carolina
You Ever Had a Fat Girl, Joanie?
Girl #1: I don't get it -- I'm in a sweater and I'm cold, but you aren't and you're wearing a tank top?
Girl #2: That's because I'm fat.
Girl #1: Oh... Well, at least you're honest!
--San Diego, California
Overheard by: Leah
We've Tested the Law in Court
Conservative mom on cell: Julia, you just can't bring your kids here and let them swim naked... What? Yes, Julia, it's illegal.
--51st Street, Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Unexpecting Beach Reader
The Outlaw Crotch Farmers of Australia
Girl #1, about lyrics to song: Who grows weed in their G-string?
Girl #2: That's 'hydroponics,' but I suppose it might be pretty wet down there. It's not impossible.
--Finucane Island, Australia
... And They Drank Too Much of It
Teen tourist girl #1: Why are all the Jersey boys guidos?
Teen tourist girl #2: I don't know. I guess there's a lot of Italians around here.
Teen tourist girl #1: Maybe the water in the ocean is from Italy.
--Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: Glad I'm old..
Latest Miracle Ear Ad Campaign Goes "Street"
Girl #1: Oh my god, look at all the palm trees!
Girl #2: Shhh! Don't say 'papis'!
Girl #1: What? Cock tease?
--San Juan, Puerto Rico
Overheard by: jersey represent
So Stay in the Car or Stay in the Water
Mom to child: Now, don't get all sandy!
--Bethany Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Emily
Or Was That Rottweilers?
Female tourist: So, how do they know where the islands are every day?
Male tourist: They're chained to the sea floor so they don't drift too far.
--Cinnamon Bay, St. John, U.S. Virgin Islands
Overheard by: stephen
If You Had a Really Good Telescope, You Could See Our Backs
Drunk wedding guest: Hey, cool! I wonder what bay that is...
Sober guest: Uh, that's the Atlantic Ocean.
Drunken wedding guest: Are you sure? It looks too calm to be an ocean.
Sober guest: We're as far East as you can get in New Jersey. That's the ocean.
Drunken wedding guest: I think it's some sort of bay.
Sober guest: There's no land on the other side! It's the ocean!
--Sea Bright, New Jersey
Overheard by: I looked at the map
I Mean, Short and Stout? Daaamn.
Thug carrying baby strapped to chest: Yo, those lyrics were fucked up, man!
Asian gangsta: Word.
--Bondi Junction, Sydney, Australia
We'll Just Follow Him Up the Food Chain to the Bigger Fish That Are His Suppliers
Professor: Are you guys working or just following a stingray?
Student #1: Working!
Student #2: Um...
Student #3: Both.
Professor: Both?
Student #3: We're using the stingray to randomly decide where to take our next sample. They eat invertebrates -- it's like a divining rod!
--Fergie Shoals, Florida
Overheard by: Justification is for the geeky
Read the Previous Month's Quotes!
