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March 2008 Archives
The Catholic Church's Last-Ditch Ad Campaign
Girl #1: Man, I think I got a yeast infection from that dude.
Girl #2: That fucking sucks.
Girl #1: Tell me about it. Getting laid is killing my sex life.
--Long Beach, California
Overheard by: hillary claire
I Have Had It with This Porn Shoot!
Girl #1: That motherfucker is totally going to hit us with his ball.
Girl #2: Assholes... They just don't know how to act.
Girl #1: Yeah, man. Shit, where's my top?
--Atlantic City, New Jersey
No, My Family Comes to See Me
Old man #1: This one girl, she let me play with myself.
Old man #2: Oh, yeah?
Old man #1: Yeah... And some of them even let you touch their tits.
Old man #2: Do you still go to Long Island for that?
--Compo Beach, Westport, Connecticut
Overheard by: Forgot my iPod
[Sigh] I Jack Off to Ideas a Lot
30-ish guy #1: I see you're sporting the side ponytail.
30-ish girl: Just for you!
30-ish guy #2: Yeah, I bet you're gonna jack off to that side ponytail.
30-ish guy #1: No! I jack off to the idea of the side ponytail. They're coming back, I tell ya!
--Summerfest, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: the only sober person there
I'll Only Kiss You in Public Restrooms and Camera-Free Elevators
Chick #1: Why didn't you kiss me at the pool?!
Chick #2: Because I don't want to have an open relationship with you!
--Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
The Purpose-Driven Life Made a Huge Impression on Me
Drunk girl: My goal is to win a wet T-shirt contest so I can win two hundred dollars and get a tattoo... I could never get naked, but I would if I had to.
--Ft. Walton Beach, Florida
Overheard by: If I didn't have to work the next day, I'd have invited her to party
And Stay Out of Iowa
Black guy playing drums, smiling at toddler nearby: Hi, sweetie. What you thinkin'? [Passing white lady tourist takes picture, and black guy frowns.] I respect you, too! Do I take a picture of you at the insurance office in Iowa?!
White lady tourist: Well, I--
Black guy: --Step off, bitch! [Turns back to little girl] Don't grow up to be like her, baby girl.
--Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: This place sure has changed since the 80s
Loved the Clown Noses on the Nipples, by the Way
Drunk girl who just flashed her tits: Here, I'll show you, but I know you're going to laugh.
Bouncer: Like I'm gonna laugh at your ID -- I just saw your tits!
--Outside Mercury Bar, Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Here tits were pretty funny
Bush Surrendered Cheney Almost Immediately
Man: ... So I just walked out of there with two heads of cabbages and a hand full of cash... And I walked up to him and said, 'Give me that goat!'
--Restaurant, Mammoth, California
Jonathan Richman: Hey, He Was Never Called an Asshole!
Skater punk to another: Dude, seriously, fuck Picasso.
--Venice Beach, California
Trevor Begins to Have Trouble Sleeping
Guy: There is nothing worse than having sand in your crotch.
Girl: What about a machete in your crotch?
--Sydney, Australia
People Pee in Bathrooms at the Beach?
Big mama in bathroom stall with daughter: Hurry up and pee!
Young girl: Mommy, I can't pee with other people around!
Big mama: Honey, if and when you go to jail, you gonna hafta pee in front of other people.
--Scarborough Beach, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Riley
And Sometimes from Places As Far-Flung As England
Bimbette: Yeah, I love that show. They show clips from all around the world like Britain and the UK and stuff.
--Pacific Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: Sarah
Dear Folks, Won Another Argument. Best Vacation Ever!
Worldly hippie: So, my goal right now is pretty much to take the time to watch the sunset every day, because, you know, there aren't that many.
Vacationing New Yorker: What is there more of than sunsets?
--Goa, India
Overheard by: Iman
Translation: They Have the Best Coke
Dude #1: So, whatever happened to that stripper you were dating?
Dude #2: It's over. I think it's a bad idea to date strippers. You realize there's a good reason they're strippers, then it fucks it up every time you go back. It's like, you look at these hotties and imagine all the possibilities, but now, after dating enough strippers, you realize the possibilities include consoling her drunk ass as she cries about being abused as a child while she lines up another rail of coke, then tells you her secret fantasy is to see you get nailed in the ass by another dude!
Dude #1: I still want to date one.
Dude #2: ... Yeah, they're fun.
--LaHaina's, Mission Beach, California
Overheard by: sean
No, I Mean with Me This Time
Girlfriend: Hey, wanna have sex in the water later?
Boyfriend: Of course.
--Miami Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Kristy Y
I Gotta Go -- tthe Cops Said No More Warnings
Blonde on cell: Yeah, he just called. He's waiting for me across the street with his pants off.
--48th Street, Newport Beach, California
Idiot! They Hang Out with You to Improve Their Odds
Ugly girl to hot friends: No, I want to have sex... I'm just not liking my odds right now.
--Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: K
At Least, That's What I Heard
Middle-aged guy: Nah, it's never worth it if you don't get laid. I mean, I could've gotten two hookers for that much!
--Lake Calhoun, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: boris the blade
That Makes Sense; I Never Jerk Off on Bad Hair Days
Man: Get rid of your mustache, and then worry about the Brazilian.
Woman: Get some hair on your head, and then go fuck yourself.
--Jersey Shore, New Jersey
Overheard by: Mike
No, Dude! You Tell Her You Have a Permanent Banana She Can Have for Free!
Banana vendor: Bananas... Bananas... Two for a dollar! Bananas...
Topless girl in string bikini bottom: But I just need one...
Banana vendor: Why don't you eat the other one?
--South Korea
What's Worse Is, It's a Puddle of Her Own Pee
Drunk girl, rolling around in large puddle: It's a bird bath! Get in!
Angry guy: Get the fuck out of the puddle! You're not a goddamn bird!
--Bayard Avenue, Dewey Beach, Delaware
He Does Crazy Things During Full Moons
Queer: Josh! If you don't put your ass away right now, I'm gonna fuck it!
--Fire Island Pines, Brookhaven, New York
Overheard by: Your Buddy in Blue
My Doctor Told Me Some Sun Would Be Therapeutic for It
White girl: So, what are you doing in Miami?
Black guy: We're here for the pussy.
--South Beach, Miami, Florida
Trick Question... They're All Equally Gross Once You Hit Thirty-Five
Teen girl #1: Oh my god, you can see his balls!
Teen girl #2: There's nothing grosser than dad-balls.
Teen girl #1: Grandpa-balls!
--Stoney, Michigan
Overheard by: Waggies
My Ego Is Growing Dangerously Large, and I Need to Be Put Down
Girl: Burn me! Come on! Burn meee!
--Hastings Beach, England
Overheard by: Daisy
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