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April 2008 Archives
Is This Thing On?
Bikini girl #1: Oh my god, he was totally sleeping, and his member was, like, totally awake. Like, hello?!
Bikini girl #2, giggling: Yeah, hello?!
Bikini girl #3, giggling: Hello?!
--Seaside Heights, New Jersey
How Jewish Mothers Coddle Their Sons into Gibbering, Bedwetting, Compulsive Masturbators
Mother, dressing son: Wow, your hair dried gorgeously! You're such a Jew.
--Cape Henlopen, Delaware
Overheard by: KDP
You, Not So Much
Teen girl #1: The sand is so hot!
Teen girl #2: That's why God put the sand near the water.
Teen girl #1: God was a genius!
--Fair Haven Beach, New York
Overheard by: Jane
Shoulda Trimmed the Beard
Guy: Does my face smell like vagina?
Girl: I doubt it [sniffs his face]. Well, maybe a little.
--Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Nude Beach Brain Teaser
Wife: Frank, you heard about the 11 second rule?
Husband, staring at hot nude chick nearby: What?
Wife: The 11 second rule. If the cops catch you staring at breasts for more than 11 seconds, you have to go to jail.
Husband: No way.
Wife: And keep in mind, there are lots of gay men on this beach.
--Race Point Nude Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
She's Never Going to Let That One Go
Girl: You have to take your shoes off to walk in the sand.
Guy: I'll wait until we find a spot.
Girl: What? Walking in the sand with your shoes is like fucking your mom and not cleaning up afterwards.
Guy: Okay, okay!
--Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: JD
To Bring Up Incest Like That
12-year-old boy to boogie boarding pal: You just did a 360! That was so awesome! We should all give you blowjobs for that! Even your brother!
Friend: Dude, you are so gay.
--Monterey Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: Rebecca Anna Smith
Then It Would Be Lake Superior
Smart guy: The ocean would be so much better if there wasn't salt in it. Then it'd be perfect.
--Old Orchard Beach, Maine
Overheard by: shawshank
What, You've Never Done Dumbell Curls?
10-year-old girl: My virgin arms! My virgin arms!
--Belmar, New Jersey
Overheard by: Confused
What about That Guy Standing behind You Right Now Licking Your Asshole?
Woman #1: I haven't had sex in three years.
Woman #2: But what about your friend?
Woman #1: He doesn't count, because I don't enjoy it.
--Brittany Beach, France
At 40, after Three Failed In-Vitros, Kassidy Was to Remember This Conversation
Little girl: Are you a mom? You look like a mom.
College student: No. How old do you think I am?
Little girl: Fifteen?
--Palm City, Florida
Overheard by: MBD
Miss Manners Says as Long as You Ask First, It's Okay
Queer: That guy sooo just checked you out.
Hot chick: Should I go over there and ask to sit on his face?
Queer: Bianca.
Hot chick: What? I'm horny!
Queer: Me, too, now that I think of it.
--Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia
How the Johnson Family Bankrupted Frito-Lay
Mom: You cut your finger on a Cheetoh?
--Hotel pool, Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Chloroform Never Leads to Love
Girl #1: I mean, I could force a relationship right now. I just don't want to.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.
Girl #1: We really don't have that much in common.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.
--Dewey Beach, Rehoboth, Delaware
Overheard by: Alaina
We'd Be Grifting on the Midway
Tank-topped boardwalk guy to friend: We're a different breed. If we were any closer to circus folk...
--Seaside Heights Boardwalk, Jersey Shore, New Jersey
Overheard by: twoferrets
Downtown from the South Bronx
Chick: So, you live in the city? Wow, where do you live, downtown?
Thug kid: Yeah, downtown... Well, not exactly downtown. Harlem.
--Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: alison
And for That Kind of Money We Could Get Laid!
Teen girl: It's so freakin' hot out! What are we gonna do?
Teen guy: We could go on the ferris wheel.
Teen girl: Are you kidding? For all five of us it would cost, like, a hundred dollars!
--Ocean City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Rafaela
First Tell Me What You Think a Beach Is
Tourist standing on beach: Excuse me. Can you tell me where the beach is?
--Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: Shannon
What You Get for Eating Cafeteria Food
Five-year-old pulling her bottom lip down: I have herpes!
--Seabrook Beach, New Hampshire
But I'm Breast-Feeding That Conch Shell Over There
Old lady: This isn't a nude beach!
Young lady, sunbathing topless and feigning surprise: Oh, really? Oh, okay...
--Auckland, New Zealand
Overheard by: Shakira
Sniffling, Leroy Cut the Cards
Seven-year-old boy: Dad! Dad! Dad! It's time to go back to the room. I need to put on underwear -- I'm starting to chafe!
Dad: Good for you. Now go back out there and deal [continues smoking his cigar].
--21st Street Beach, Ocean City, Maryland
I'm Working My Way Up to an Entire Udder
Young mother #1: I am just so pissed that I have to wait until Wednesday to find out if I'm pregnant or not. I really want to go out drinking tonight.
Young mother #2: So? I never let that hold me back.
Young mother #1: Yeah, that's gotta be why little Eric* has a third nipple.
--Sachuest Beach, Newport, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Rebecca
Florida Lies Outside the Normal Space-Time Continuum
20-ish blonde: What time is it in Florida?
--Ocean City, New Jersey
You Can't Seriously Expect Frank to Give Up a Possible Bite Just to Save Someone
Redneck girl: Frank was out fishing with the guy who drowned yesterday.
Redneck boyfriend: Did he try to save him?
Redneck girl: No, he was fishing -- I told you. He thought he had one on the line.
Redneck boyfriend: Did he?
Redneck girl: No, it was just the water.
Redneck boyfriend: I thought you were gonna say it was the guy who drowned.
--Holland State Park, Michigan
Overheard by: Townie
Just Wait 'til Prom, Buddy
Teen boy, looking at boogie board: Oh, man... My nipples are gonna get it.
--Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Kate H
They Never Listen, Though
Guy: I'm coming! I'm coming! Be gentle!
--Through a motel wall, Cape May, New Jersey
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