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June 2008 Archives
And They'll Fight Your Enemies to the Death
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, my dad's getting re-married this summer.
Teenage girl #2: Omigod, my dad just got one of those Filipino mail order brides, and let me tell you, they make the best egg rolls ever.
--Nassau, Bahamas
Overheard by: Spring Break wooooo!
I Assumed He Was the Nasty Boy Whose Coming Janet Jackson Foretold
Girl #1: It was really awkward with him last night, he kept putting his hand in his back pocket and down the back of his jeans.
Girl #2: Maybe he had an itch on his ass?
Girl #1: It was worse then that: he started rubbing his ass on the bar stool.
--Jones Beach, Long Island, New York
We Know That Spidey-Sense Well
Drunk college student, spilling wine on herself: Oh great. Now I'm wet all over!
Drunk college boy nearby: What! Who said that!?
--Gold Coast, Australia
Seagulls? Yeah, I'm in Canarsie
Weasel on cell: I'm in Brooklyn now, so it will have to wait until later...
--Miami Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Local
Must Be Cracker Mating Season
Dumb meatheads to dumb girls: So we've got triscuits and flavor-blasted goldfish back at our condo if you want to come with us.
--Siesta Beach, Florida
Think of Me As the Consumer Reports of Sex
Guy: Why did you tell *Veronica that I had a small dick?
Girl: Because you do.
Guy: You could have at least told her I know how to use it.
Girl: You don't!
--Discovery Bay, California
The "Hasselhoff Effect" in Action
Drunk man: [Bumps into girl and puts his hand around her to move her aside.] Sorry.
Girl: Eww! You're dirty!
Drunk man: C'mon, you know you like it!
Girl: Eww! [Drunk man walks away.] Call me!!
--Manhattan Beach, California
Overheard by: Snoog
Total-Immersion Learning
Drunk college boy: Come get drunnnk!
Sober college girl: Nah I have a massive exam tomorrow, I gotta study.
Drunk college boy: Study... Like a fish.
--Gold Coast, Australia
Assuming There Was Enough Room, with the Constitution Still in There
Drunk girl, after hearing about a "promise statue": I'll tell you what I would do if a guy gave me a promise statue! I'd lube that shit up and stick it up my vag!"
--Long Beach, California
God Does the Rest
Tourist: Where do they put the sand in the winter?
Local, sarcastically: Oh, they put it in bags and store it in the convention center.
--Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: OC local
At Least She Went Top-Shelf
Redneck lady coming out of a liquor store: She must have been drunk when she named her kid "Jose Cuervo".
--Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Let Me Define My Terms
Old hairy guy: Welcome to the Pacific Ocean!
Dumb blonde: Huh? The ocean? I thought you said we were going to the beach!
--Beverly Beach, Oregon
Overheard by: please tell me she's kidding
I'd Never Forgive Myself If They Dented a Lexus
Muscle guy: Damn, that Lexus just hit that kid on a bike in front of Circle Pizza!
Blonde woman: Wait what? Was it one of mine?
Muscle guy: No, yours are jumping off the bridge.
Blonde woman: Oh, thank god.
--St Avalon, New Jersey
Overheard by: Himbo
Can Ground Pigs' Rectum Ever Really Spoil?
Chick #1: Do you want your sandwich?
Chick #2: Nah, it hasn't been refrigerated.
Chick #1: Well, it's just lunch meat, it's not real meat anyways.
Chick #2: Yea...
--Lake Tahoe, California
For Chubby Girls, Love Is a Battlefield
[Guy on Harley drives by with Pat Benatar's "Love Is a Battlefield" blasting.]
Chubby girl #1: What the hell?
Chubby girl #2: That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
--Bookfair, St. Petersburg, Florida
Overheard by: Jamie
How Can You Be from a Baseball Pitcher?
Tourist: So where you from?
Hot girl: Uh, here. Where'd you think I was from?
Tourist: I dunno. It's just that here, people are always like "Ooh, I'm from Venezuela" and I'm just like, dude, what the fuck is Venezuela?
--Miami Beach, Florida
Wait for It...
Woman to husband, watching the sunset: Why doesn't the sun ever set in front of the clouds?
--Pacific Grove, California
Overheard by: never enough sunscreen
But Why Is It Purple?
Girl #1: Look at that guy!
Girl #2: Which one?
Girl #1: The one with the white thong!
Girl #2: [80-year-old guy bends over to pick up shell.] Look! The thong's not white there!
Girl #1: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
--Daytona Beach, Florida
That Was Unexpected
Mother, to little boy refusing to wear swimmies: Fine, I guess you can go drown. Say bye bye to mommy. [Little boy breaks into hysterics.]
--Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Leigh
All Up in Your Hoo-Hoo Zone
Seven-year old boy: Those boys over there are looking at you.
Bronzed teen sister in bikini: Oh really? [Looks pleased.]
Seven-year old boy: Yeah. I guess it's cause you have that weird sunburn.
--Liberia, Costa Rica
Worth a Try
Jock #1: Did you see him at the party last night? I mean, what the hell?
Jock #2: Dude, he's such a fag.
Jock #1: I heard he swallows.
Jock #2: What's his name again?
Jock #1: Eric.
--Ocean City, Maryland
How the Hell Would I Know That?
Five-year old boy whining to dad: Let's go boogie-board.
Dad: No! You know my nipples get raw if I go without a shirt on...
--Newport Beach, California
Overheard by: Lilian
Possibly Because I Increase My Time at the Strip Club
College student to friend: I watch less porn when I have a girlfriend...I don't know why.
--Daytona Beach, Florida
Or Whatever That Stuff in the Tortilla Is
Fiftyish guy to wife: Just for that, I'm not gonna eat your pussy tonight.
--El Cid, Cozumel, Mexico
Yet Another Reason to Love the Beach
Guy: It smells like pussy out here!
Girl: It smells like you're gonna have to find someone else to give your ass a ride home.
--Bixby Knolls, Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Armando
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