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February 2009 Archives
By Lying on Our Backs and Waving Our Legs in the Air
Toddler: Mom, we are the hermit crabs that are going to change the world.
--Monterey, California
They Never Call
Little girl to friend, after being put back into standing position by a wave: Haha! That wave just knocked me up!
--Craigville Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sarah
Some People Collect Seashells...
Girl to two guys: Do you guys have a spare cigarette?
Guy #1: Yeah, here ya go. (gives her a cigarette)
Girl to guy #2: How about you?
--St. Kilda Beach, Melbourne, Australia
Overheard by: lorax
She'll Have a Flashback to This Moment, Years Later in the Back of a Car
Four-year-old girl (disappointed, looking at a jellyfish): I've never seen one of these before...but I thought it would be longer.
--Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: I Was Surprised Too
Tonight, on Bosom Buddies...
Teenage boy #1: I'm gonna grab your nipple.
Teenage boy #2: You better grab my nipple!
--Head of the Fish Regatta, Saratoga Springs, New York
Drugs or Schizophrenia? Discuss.
Homeless guy to guy with extremely long hair: Oh my god! Is that hair real?
Guy with extremely long hair: Yes.
Homeless guy: Oh my god! I'm a midget!
--Santa Cruz, California
Here, Talk to My Dad While I Go Throw Up
Drunk college girl to drunk college boy: We have the same cell phone...we have so much in common!
--Panama City, Florida
Guess She Can Act, Too
Friend #1: You know who's really hot? Megan Fox.
Friend #2 (in nonchalant agreement): Yeah, she's really hot. (more excitedly) You know who else is hot?
Friend #1: Who?
Friend #2: That brunette chick from the Transformers movie--damn.
Friend #1: Megan Fox?
Friend #2: Oh.
--Guarujá, São Paulo, Brazil
They Slice, They Dice, They Make Julienne Cousin!
Man, carrying two hands full of knives: Knives for sale! Knives for sale! 100 dollars! Getting tired of your brother, your cousin, your mother-in-law? Knives for sale! You feeling suicidal? Knives! Knives for sale! 100 dollars!
--Montego Bay, Jamaica
Overheard by: Elle
But They'd Immigrated to Sexas.
Random high school girl: So then I looked at her and said, "Shit, bitch, what's your fucking problem?"
Random high school guy: Were they Mexican?
Girl: Uh-huh.
Guy: Well, were they sexy Mexicans?
Girl: Yes, deary, they were Sexicans.
--Rat Beach, California
Overheard by: where can i find them?
Making Me the Perfect Complement to Any Outfit
College kid: But I was conceived in Florida, so that means I'm neutral!
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
"Have You Seen the Tranny Man, the Tranny Man, the Tranny Man?"
20-something girl: Guys, did you see the man in the woman's swimsuit over there?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, yeah, I saw him...
20-something girl: He has man legs...
Teen girl #1: But from a distance he could totally pass as a flat chick.
20-something girl: He can really pull it off, too. He has the hat and the glasses and everything.
Teen girl #2: Where's the tranny man? I want to see the tranny man!
--La Jolla, California
Overheard by: La Jollan
But If That's One Of the PTA Requirements...
Overweight mother: I don't want to be a gladiator!
--Ocean City, Maryland
No, But Did I Say I Want to Go There?
Latina #1: I wanna go to Italy.
Latina #2: Girl, you don't even know how to spell "Italy."
Latina #1: Well...do you?
--Smiths Point, New York
Overheard by: suzz
National Geographic Cinematographers Break New Ground
Guy to girl: There's some drunk people over there. Don't look at them.
--La Jolla, California
Remember When You Thought Taking German in College Would Never Do You Any Good?
Male tourist speaking in German: Look at that guy's Speedo!
Female tourist speaking in German: Eeew. And his friend really needs to shave his back.
Male tourist speaking in German: I am so glad no one understands what we are saying.
Female tourist speaking in German: I know!
--South Beach, Florida
Overheard by: German-speaker
Some Episodes Of To Catch a Predator Are Just Pathetic
Overweight woman chasing squirrley eight-year-old on the beach: Get over...boy! You get...boy! Boy! You lucky I can't run fast in this sand!
--Beach Boardwalk, Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Go Kid Go!
Unless I Also Got Free Snacks
Short sister: If I were to be in a porno with anyone, I would choose to be in it with you.
Tall sister: I'm not risking my dignity to be in a porno with my sister. No matter how much you're paying me.
--Lake Kalamalka, Vernon, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: Sounds like a good time to me.
Or Swedish?
Drunk woman to woman coming out of water with snorkeling mask: Oh, I was thinking about getting one of those! Is it worth the money?
Woman in mask: Absolutely! There's tons of sea urchins, coral, plants, fish...
Drunk woman: Tropical?
--Atlantis Resort Cove Beach, Bahamas
Overheard by: Maggie
Meanwhile, the Tooth Fairy Harvests Your Body Parts
Teenage girl #1: Wait, if there's a Mrs. Claus and Santa, then how come he doesn't have any kids?
Teenage girl #2: Well, all the children in the world are his kids.
Teenage girl #1: Santa's kind of a pedophile if you think about it. Like, I'll sneak into your house and give you presents if you love me.
Teenage girl #2: Yeah, ew.
--Misquamicit Beach, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Amanda
And There's No Roof!
Amazed beachgoer, splashing in the waves: Holy shit! There are fish in the ocean!
--Seaside Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Tess
I'm Also Vague on the Big Square States in the Middle Of the Country
Young dude with skateboard: Yeah, so I love it out here so far. This is my first year here, I just moved from New Hampshire.
Middle aged lady in short gym shorts: Oh, that's nice... Is that in Maine?
Dude: Uh... Well, it's by Maine...(motioning) Here's New Hampshire, here's Maine.
Lady: Oh, so New Hampshire's a state on its own? Oh my gosh, I feel like I should know that!
--Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Vanessa
Never Met a Simile Yet I Couldn't Swallow
Stoned nerd (talking about his sub order): I've got six inches!
Stoned girl: Lucky. I got the lesbian choice, a fuckin' sandwich. Cuz the sandwich is like a vagina and the sub is like a dick, ya know?
Stoned nerd: No, I totally understand. And I'm okay with that.
--Wawa, Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Loretta Also Commented on the Number of Jews in Jerusalem
(on board a ferry full of black people)
Elderly southern woman: Seems to me there are a lot of blacks here.
Half deaf elderly husband: What?
Elderly southern woman: Blacks!
--Ferry, Bermuda
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