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May 2009 Archives
Plus, That Species Of Dragon Has a Much Shorter Wingspan
College girl to college guys carving dragon in the sand: Ugh! What is wrong with you?! Dragons do not have such muscular arms!
College guy: Ours does!
College girl: I am torn: do I continue arguing about tiny dragon arms as if dragons are real or move on to mocking you for giving your dragon the biceps you wish you had?
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
I May Not Have What It Takes to Be a Catholic
Man to friend: So, I went on my knees. And then I went on my belly. And then I went on my knees again...it was hard!
--Mayan Riviera, Mexico
Overheard by: anna levi
Just Watch the Sundial, Honey
Teenage girl: Wait, so what time is midnight tonight?
--Punta Cana, Mexico
Some Of Us Should Keep Our Shirts on at the Beach
Woman #1: You really should have seen this guy's boobs, they were huge.
Woman #2: So he needed a bra?
Man #1: A bro.
Man #2 (with hands on hips, triumphantly): A manzier!
Woman #1: What he needed was some testosterone!
--Hawaii
Overheard by: Festivus for the Rest of Us
Just Thanking Him for the Barbecue, Honey
Mom, holding bag of ashes: (whispers)
Girl: Mom, stop talking to dad! It's creepy.
--Huntington Beach, California
Is "Einstein" a Position?
Guy (sarcastically): You're like the smartest person I know. You're practically einstein.
Girl: I... Don't really get sex jokes.
--Bethany Beach
Overheard by: upgrade
Stop Touching My Cellulite, Sweetie.
Little girl in an excited hush: It looks like the desert... It even has lumps like the desert!
--Williamstown beach, Melbourne, Australia
Did That Guy Seem Juiced Up to You?
Skinny, half naked black guy wearing purple booty shorts: "do you guys do drugs?"
College kids: "no..."
Black guy: "oh I do...I'm a drug addict. Yeah, I just came from a rave, there are some crazy people out there! Why are y'all sitting here in the middle of venice beach? It gets dangerous here at night!"
College kid (holding an orange): "well, I'm strapped, so..."
Black guy: "is that an orange? Can I have it?" (takes orange and walks away).
--Venice Beach
Overheard by: Keidi
If Gay People Disappeared, Straight People Would Miss Them
Drunk hobo to group of gay guys: That's why I love South Beach. It's gay, gay, gay!
--Lincoln Road, Florida
Overheard by: David
Anyone Else Feeling a Strange Nostalgia for The Golden Girls?
Little old lady, stumbling on the boardwalk with her husband: Oh my goodness! There's no railing on the edge? What? Someone could just fall right off! If they were as drunk as me, anyways.
--Key West, Florida
Overheard by: Caroline Oldfield
Fishing's Just Part Of the Circa Of Life
Teen girl, looking at historic photos of fishermen: So like, what's a "circa"?
Teen boy: That's a kind of fish. (pointing to photo) See, that's a circa. So's that...
--Pier, Naples, Florida
Overheard by: circa 1978
Then It Won't Bother You So Much When I Lick My Anus
Preppy girl: Just close your eyes and envision me as a black lab puppy.
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
The Same Unhappy Paradox Applies to Drugs
Rented Segway guy with a helmet to another: You feel really cool, but you don't *look* really cool.
--Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: byrneout
Hey, I've Seen You Eat Molten Chocolate Cake
Elderly man, taking picture of his wife on the beach: You look like you're having an orgasm!
Wife: How would you know?
--Pass-A-Grille Beach, Florida
Overheard by: The girl who almost ended up in the picture.
Since You Can't Say, "Everything Looks Great on That Bitch"
Chick #1: You know what would be the hardest job in the world?
Chick #2: What?
Chick #1: To emcee a fashion show. Oh my god, that must be so hard.
Chick #2: Oh, yeah.
--Capitola, California
That's What John Said
Atheist: "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear ... " (pause) Wow! I have no idea where that came from.
Bible-lover: Actually it's from the Bible: John, chapter 4, verse 18.
Atheist: Oh, fuck! Man...
--Hanover Beach, Indiana
Overheard by: triz3en
Your Editors Love That Puno Is on the Shore of Lake Titicaca
Brother: I was talking to that couple from Montana, and they said they eat cattails.
Sister: I thought they were vegetarians.
--Puno, Peru
Overheard by: 451
What? I Thought We Were Just Sharing Stuff
Bikini #1: What ocean is this beach on? Is it sad that I don't even know?
Bikini #2: No, I dunno either. I'm bad at history.
--Palm Beach, Florida
I'm Not Sure My Breasts Are Bouncy Enough for This
Girl in the ocean to onshore friend: Come out here! I'm like The Little Mermaid without Sebastian! I don't even have flounder!
Girl on shore: (shakes head no)
Girl in the ocean: Come on! You've seen Baywatch! Jog!
--Smith's Point, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Andi
This Is What Happens When We Don't Bring the Electric Collar
Man, running as fast as he can across sand, screaming like a maniac: Molly! Molly! Molly!(entire beach crowd stares)
Man, running as fast as he can across sand, screaming like a maniac: Molly! Molly! Molly!(entire beach crowd stares)
Man, finding Molly sitting quietly: Oh, there you are.
--Lewes Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: maybe next time, take Molly with you
Introducing, the Most Cerebral Blonde at Manasquan
Snack bar worker: Do you ladies need anything for your iced coffees?
Brunette 40-something: I hate to be a pain, but do you have any skimmed milk?
Snack bar worker (returning): I'm sorry ma'm, we ran out of skimmed milk but I did find some fat-free milk!
Brunette 40-something: Oh, thank you so much. (turns to blonde friend) She was so sweet, I didn't have the heart to tell her it's the same shit.
Blonde 40-something friend: It is?
--Manasquan Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: Beach Bum
At Least He Didn't Call Me "Woman" This Time
Mom, while burying her four-year-old son in the sand: Yo, did you hear what he just said? He said "don't pat too hard or my balls will explode!"
--Rockaway Beach, New York
Overheard by: That's why I'm scared to have kids
Moral Of the Story: Next Time Get Too Wasted to Start Your Car
Blonde girl #1: I got a fucking DUI last night, can you believe that shit?
Blonde girl #2: Well, you *were* pretty drunk last night...
Blonde girl #1: So? Everyone else was, too!
Blonde girl #2: Yeah, but they weren't driving around everywhere.
--Isla Vista beach, Santa Barbara, California
Overheard by: just trying to study
Why Does This Restaurant Hate Freedom?
Waitress: Do you want cheddar, mozzarella, or Swiss on your burger?
Customer: Um... American?
--The Purple Parrot, Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Hollywood
Some Children Are Never Properly Leash Trained
Tired-looking mother: Alice! Heel!
--Hunstanton, England
Overheard by: Dan
But If That's the Theme Of Your Sweet 16...
Teen girl to giggly friend: Well, it's not my favorite thing to have that kind of shit in my mouth.
--Lido Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Alyssa
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