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June 2009 Archives
So If You Die, I'll Just Hit "Reset"
College guy: First of all, this isn't real life. This is vacation.
--Coco Cay, Bahamas
Overheard by: Madi
The Eternal Question.
College girl to guy: Are you gonna put that thing in your bathing suit, or carry it?
--Hawaiian Inn, Daytona Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Do I wanna know?
Florida's Well-Known for Its Cracker Production
Boy with pretty eyes: So I told her "porch monkey" is a racial slur.
Girl with squinty eyes: Yeah?
Boy with pretty eyes: And she says she doesn't know anybody named Rachel.
Girl with squinty eyes: Yes she does, her cousin's name is Rachel.
--St. Pete Beach, Florida
But Mummy, I'm Too Old to Nurse in Public!
British mother to young child: Either put it in your mouth or I'm giving it to charity!
--Miami Beach, Florida
Not That Kind Of Package
Girl #1: I'm hungry, let's get crepes!
Girl #2: What's a crepe?
Girl #1, after pause: It's like a package made out of a pancake.
--Santa Barbara, California
It Isn't the Bronx, Sweetie.
Kayaking girl #1: Mom, where do we go?
Kayaking mom: Oh, why don't we go to the other side of the island?
Kayaking girl #2: No, we can't! I heard they had guns and spears over there--I don't wanna get shot!
--Sugarbay, St. Thomas, South Africa
Overheard by: yams
What Kind Of Example Are You Setting?
Angry father, trying to climb into boat with son: Turn off the fucking engine, man! I've got a fucking five-year-old here! Jesus, use your fucking head!
--The Hamptons, New York
Present Company Excepted, Of Course
Bedraggled female peddler to another: Man, of all of the spots I've had here I've never seen so many lowlifes congregated around one place.
--Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: Gary & Nadja
Then You Have a Lot to Learn About Pink Leg-Warmers, Bobby.
Little boy, looking at large man: I thought only girls had those.
--Florida
Overheard by: Northern Lad
He Only Put It in My Mouth, But My Ass Was Still Sore
Gay guy #1: Tom has such a huge dick! I swear I was walking bow-legged for three days! I think it might become a serious thing!
Gay guy #2: I know! He has such a huge dick!
--Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Magic Elves Can't Spell for Shit
Mother to child: What?! Is this writing on your arm? Oh, no...don't say you don't know! Tell me: was it a little magic elf that did this to you?! Was it?!
--Sasco Beach, Fairfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: halliefaith
I'll Take That Silence to Mean It's Been Your Lifelong Dream
Old short man: When was the last time you were with an old and short man?
19-year-old girl: (silence)
--Old Orchard Beach, Maine
Overheard by: Stephanie Wall
We Have Enough Imaginary Llamas to Deal with As It Is
Hot teen girl #1: Sexy llama come to mama. (throws imaginary lasso)
Hot teen girl #2 (caught in the imaginary lasso): Unce unce unce unce...yes.
Random lady to son nearby: See honey, this is why we don't eat magical mushrooms.
--Rehoboth Beach, Deleware
Overheard by: kevin
To Some White People, There's Only One Big Black Person
Six-year-old girl (about book on Obama): That's our new President!
Teen: Yeah, do you know what his name is?
Six-year-old girl: Martin Luther King!
--Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: tori
We End Up With an Alfredo Sauce
40-something woman: Yeah, I cook a lot of chicken. I like it baked or fried, but my husband likes when I jerk it.
--Pompano Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Nastyasha
That's When They Turn on the Wave Machine
Beach guy #1: Hurry up!
Beach guy #2: Fellas, what's the rush? The beach only starts at two!
--Cape Town, South Africa
I've Never Admired You More, Mom
Teenage girl: Rob Lowe is ridiculously hot. Hey, did you know he has a sex tape?
Girl's mother: Yes, I did know that because I starred in it with him. And he was good.
--Biloxi, Mississippi
Saturn, for Instance, Has Universal Healthcare
Activist #1: Hey girls, want to save the world together?
Girl #1: Ummmm...
Activist #2: Do you like our planet?
Girl #2: Eh, I've been to better. Thanks, but no thanks.
--Seal Beach, California
New Yorkers Often Experience Culture Shock in New England
Four-year-old girl, dropping cracker on the floor: Oh, shit!
Mother: Um...no, honey. Not here.
--Steamship Authority Martha's Vineyard Ferry, Massachusetts
Then I Told Her It Meant She Wouldn't Have to Pay for College
Boy: I told my mom I wanted to be a pirate, and she got really pissed at me and told me they rape and kill and pillage!
--Ocean City Beach, Maryland
And So It Begins
Boy being changed on changing table (babbling): Bama amma bama.
Mother: Obama Obama Obama.
--Restroom, Royal Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Penelope
I Find the Weight Of All That Gayness Oppressive
Woman, watching animal abuse commercial on Logo: I hate this commercial. This is why I don't watch this channel. Well, this and all the gays.
--West Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Enjoys the gays
Plus They're Great for Cutting Coke
Bro: So like, the thing to know about credit cards is, like, they're a totally good way to build credit.
--Santa Barbara, California
America, in a Nutshell.
Redneck, looking at fish tank: How many of them there fish you reckon I could shoot?
--Ripley's Aquarium, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: Lost all hope in humanity
That's Not What "Swimmers Will Be Penalized" Means, Bobby.
Skinny hipster in the river: Then why the fuck are we swimming here if I could lose my fucking dick?!
--Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: commodore
Can You Get One Against Freddy Krueger?
Older man: Look, if you're really worried about it...
Younger woman, with full mouth: I am! I'm having trouble sleeping.
Older man: Then you should get a restraining order.
--Beach Footpath, Australia
Overheard by: I Wish I Heard the Start
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