Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
July 2009 Archives
Critics Rave, "The Little Mersavior Is a Rollicking, Non-Canonical Laugh Riot"
Little girl to mom: The seaweed tickles! It's like Baby Jesus is underwater, tickling my feet himself!
--Vero Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Incredulous
The Lord Generally Ignores Fast-Food Prayers
Walrusy pink tourist mom, juggling McDonald's bags and towels: Are those seagulls following us?
Dancing pink tourist toddler: I want hanka burger and French-ah fries!
(seagulls swoop over them, attacking the bags)
Dancing pink tourist, shrieking: Oh my god! My French-ah fries!
--St. Peterburg Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Sandy Paws
That Was on Tuesday, Britney
Trendy overdressed girl: Oh my god, did you see all those teenagers lurking outside? They think they're so fucking cool! God!
Trendy overdressed guy: I know.
Trendy overdressed girl: It's like, ever since we turned 20, I can't believe we ever hung out with people like that.
--Long Beach, California
Overheard by: 22-year-old who's glad she never hung out with either of them
When Interior Designer Boys Marry Landscaper Girls
Old lady: I think he's a delightful young man and so is she.
--Manteo, North Carolina
Overheard by: Sarah J.
...Snap a Photo, and Use It for This Year's Christmas Card.
Mom to four-year-old son and two-year-old daughter: When that bird shits on you, I'm gonna laugh.
--Madeira Beach, Florida
Overheard by: touched by an uncle
...and Some Change for the Pay Phone?
Hobo: Got any spare change?
Attractive girl: No, sorry.
Hobo: How about a phone number?
--Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: Amber
Labia Science-- the Dewyest Decimal System Of Them All
Girl to boyfriend: All I have to do is finish this project, and I got my degree!
Boyfriend: You know what's a degree? Your vagina!
--Gulf Coast University, Florida
You Should Start a Support Group.
Drunk girl #1: Oh my god, now I know what you mean about hooking up on a beach.
Drunk girl #2: What?
Drunk girl #1: The sand...it gets everywhere!
Drunk girl #2: Oh yeah, it is like all in my hair and my purse.
Drunk girl #1: No... I mean *everywhere*.
Drunk girl #2: What?
(pause)
Drunk girl #1: I have sand in my vagina!
--Naples, Florida
The Pool's on the Haitian Side Of the Border
Mom to screaming eight-year-old boy: I'm going to throw you in the pool if you don't behave.
Eight-year-old boy: Are you crazy? I'll get an ear infection!
--Resort Restaurant, Dominican Republic
Overheard by: Tanya from NY
One Of Prozac's Unfortunate Side Effects
Girl on the beach: The sand is burning my feet, and I love it!
Friend: There's bird crap on my beach chair, and I love it!
--Sanibel Island, Florida
This Year's Celebrity Apprentice Really Lacks Focus
Girl: So, I've finally decided what I want to do in life. I'm done with modeling. I am going to create a product, and sell it for charity.
Guy: Oh, that's cool. What's the charity?
Girl: I haven't decided yet. I'm still working on it.
Guy: Oh, okay.
Girl: I need to decide on the product too.
--Miami Beach, Florida
...Put It to Work, and Earn My Money Back.
Guy: And the guy is complaining about the price of birth control! "Forty dollars?" he's saying... "For that price, I'd rather have a baby!"
--Long Beach, Long Island
Overheard by: Colleen
Maybe Summer School Would Help
Kid: Mom, we get two months off for school this summer right?
Mom: No, you get like eight weeks.
Kid: Oh, okay.
--Ocean Beach, California
Overheard by: Stephanie
Over There's Where Jesus Rested with the Cross
Gangsta kid to girl, on date: You see this spot right here? This is where Forrest Gump...stopped runnin'!
Girl, in disbelief: No way!
--Ocean City Boardwalk, Maryland
Overheard by: Tyler
Key West Is Famous for Its Two-Legged Appetite Suppressant
Man with no pants to girls leaving bar: Leaving so soon?
Girl: Uh, yeah...we're hungry. We're gonna go get some food.
Man with no pants: Why? There's plenty of sausages right here!
--Garden of Eden Bar, Key West, Florida
Overheard by: K
You Look More Like a Woodpecker to Me, Though
Bearded man #1: Alright, man, I'll see you later.
Bearded man #2: Yeah, see ya.
Bearded man #1: I'll come by your window later and whistle for you. No, I'll do a bird call. Kaw! Kaw!
Bearded man #2: Okay, man.
Bearded man: #1: I'm a crow! I'm a raven! I love birds!
Bearded man #2: Alright, man, I hear you!
--Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Likes birds too
Angry Sex Is What It Means in South Beach
Girl: Stop being so hostile.
Boy: I'm not, I'm just angry and annoyed. What does "hostile" mean?
--South Beach, Miami, Florida
Overheard by: HH
Ms. Sarandon Has Some 'Splainin' to Do
60-something woman: So, you know Susan?
60-something friend: Oh gosh, yes! We've been to all her nude parties!
--Anna Maria Island, Florida
Overheard by: Too much information
...Is the Title Of My New Documentary.
Guy at table full of intently listening people: Imagine 50 pounds of animal defecating inside your house! That's a lot of shit!
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
And Anything That Sounds Remotely Like It
Teen girl: We don't eat souvlakis. My dad hates Mexican food.
--Brighton Beach, Australia
You Know How That Is, Mom.
Ten year old boy, flipping over on towel: Man, I'm sweating like a fat chick!
--Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Robin M. StPierre
We Were Told This Was a Nude Beach
Pissed off mom to crying sons: You're goddamned right, we're leaving and we're never coming back!
--Rye Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Robin M. StPierre
Read the Previous Month's Quotes!
