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October 2009 Archives
Or Maybe I'm Just Hungry.
Macho 20-something guy to macho friends: Hmm, I don't know. I'm just feeling a little bi-curious today.
--Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: roxana
When You Know I'm Their Massage Therapist
Drunk girl: I can't believe you called me a bitch and told me not to touch your brothers.
--Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Mr. Awsome
Whereas Mayo Is a Lifestyle Choice
Wife: Do you want any sauce?
Husband: No, just ketchup for my fries.
Wife: Ketchup *is* a sauce!
Husband: No, tartar sauce is a sauce. Ketchup is just ketchup.
--Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: ISPgypsy
What If No One's Around to Hear It?
Boy, obviously on drugs: My mum says that your brain is like a forest, and every time you take drugs you are cutting down a tree.
--Splendour Music Festival, Byron Bay, Australia
Damn Teeny Boppers
Teenage boy: Ugh... Why is this place littered with shells?
--Connecticut
Overheard by: anonymous
Your Editors Blame Australian Beer
Preppy girl: So about this swine flu thing... like, who would want to have sex with a pig?
--Melbourne, Australia
Overheard by: Kermit
Is Made Of Honor the Shittiest Movie Ever Made? Discuss.
Girl to guy: So, wait, remind me again when you told me you were going to be a bridesmaid. I feel like I haven't been making fun of you enough for that.
Guy: It was a while ago.
Girl: Wow, I have some major mocking to do!
--Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
...Named After Him
Girl to friend walking down the boardwalk: Yeah, just keep in mind he does have an STD.
--San Diego, California
Overheard by: Hilary
Hey, at Least He Connected the Right Animal with the Right Country
American: Hey, you're from Australia, right?
Australian: Yeah. I'm just here on holiday.
American: Right. I thought you had an Aussie accent. So you're not familiar with cars, hey? It's all about kangaroos where you come from?
Australian, laughing: Yep... that's right.
--California
To Be Fair, What American Would?
Woman, putting lotion on man's back: How long have your parents been married?
Man: A long time: 25 or 30 years...
Woman: So your parents got married after you were born?
Man: No.
Woman: But you're 40! Okay, now you're scaring me. I just spilled half the bottle of lotion on your back. That would be 3.5 ounces. I'd explain it to you but you wouldn't understand.
--Fort De Soto Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Ishkabibble
...But I'm Not Sure What I'd Do for a Klondike Bar.
Bikini girl to friend: Yeah, I'd suck a dick for an iPod touch.
--Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Which Explains Why You Saw Me Debriefing One in the Shower
Woman, to young son: No, honey, mommy has two attorneys.
--Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Lotte
Your What?
Woman standing waist-deep in water: My labia has atrophied.
--Crescent Lake, Washington
Overheard by: The water really was that cold.
...And That's How the Revolutionary War Began.
Girl to friend: He was upset because she wouldn't let him cum on her face!
--Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina
The Perils Of Early Childhood Exposure to Pinky and the Brain
Girl #1: Seriously, what are we going to do?
Girl #2: Take over the world?
--Boynton Beach, Florida
Florida Raises More Cattle Than Texas. True Story.
20-something girl, floating on waves: It's like riding a cowboy... I mean, a bucking bronco.
20-something friend: Or is it like riding a cowboy who's riding a bucking bronco?
--WindMark Beach, Florida
I'll Just Throw a Virgin Into the Volcano, Ma'am
Woman at outdoor restaurant, to waiter: Could you please turn down the air conditioning? I'm cold.
--Waikiki, Hawaii
And If You Swim Every Day, You Never Need to Bathe
Older rich man: I stopped using soap back in '74. There's a lot to be said for some hot water and a good scrub.
--Destin, Florida
I've Tried Walking It Off Without Success
Guy on cell: I don't know, it may just be the chlamydia talking, though.
--Destin, Florida
Welcome to the Place Where the Sun Don't Shine
Five-year-old at the beach: This is the worst day of my life!
--Brighton, England
I Hear You Lose More Weight That Way
Surfer girl #1, sitting on board in the ocean: I hope it doesn't rain, I really don't want my hair to get wet.
Surfer girl #2: Do you listen to yourself when you speak?
Surfer girl #1: I tune in and out.
--One Mile Beach, Australia
Overheard by: Jess
Here Are Your Ear Plugs
Hippie to friend: Can we go over there and absorb the energy of this band for a minute?
--Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Rae
Flicker Pictures? The Silver Screen? I'm With Ya.
Guy #1: Do you like movies?
Guy #2: Movies? Oh yeah, movies!
--Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: tori
Wow, That Takes All the Glamour Out Of My Alcohol Abuse
Boy: You should have come out last night! It was the best pub crawl ever!
Girl: Yeah? Which pub crawl was it?
Boy's girlfriend, unimpressed: It wasn't a pub crawl. It was just him... going to a lot of pubs... by himself.
--Gold Coast, Australia
How to Say "Yes" in Californian
Girl: Are you going to go back to 24 Hour Fitness?
Guy: Gayness in my anus...
--Pacific Beach, California
Like I Don't Have Enough Star Trivia to Memorize?
Teenage girl: Rosie O'Donnell has multiple personality disorder.
Friend: I thought she was a lesbian.
--Starbucks, La Jolla, California
Overheard by: ...Which are mutually exclusive.
Now Oberlin Has to Let You In!
Teenage girl #1: And then I was all like, "I saw ducks!"
Teenage girl #2: God, that's such a stoner thing to say!
--Granite Bay, California
Overheard by: ducks are cool
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