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November 2009 Archives
I've Never Had a Boss Who Was So Tough to Swallow
Male boater to girl that always gets yelled at by the boss: So, are you thinking of doing this job again next summer?
Girl: Not if it means working for Rich. He's left a bad taste in my mouth.
--Lake George, New York
...Which Was My Way Of Asking You to Marry Me.
Worker #1: Did you just fart?
Worker #2: No, I belched.
--Solana Beach, California
Join the Support Group
Girl to friend: I don't think I'm going to go into the water. I'm going out later, and sand in my crotch just makes me grumpy.
--Santa Monica Beach, California
Why Bars Play Loud Music: Explained
Spring breaker girls to group of 30-something guys: Hey, you guys want us to take your picture for you?
Guys: Huh?
Girls: Do you want us to take the shot?
Guys: A shot? Tequila? You girls like patron? Waitress! Shots!
Girls: Wow, that was easy...
--Key West, Florida
...Although We Still Won't Be All There.
Stoner girl to another: Man, I just sent her a text saying that we're there, because I figure by the time we get there we'll be there.
--Qualicum Beach, Vancouver Island, Canadia
Depends. Show Me Your Wallet.
White guy to Asian girl made up like Thai hooker: Hey, are you waiting for me?
--Santa Monica Pier, California
Overheard by: Ann
To Only Do It at Night?
Mother to son: What did he tell you about playing on his mound?
--Riis Park Beach, New York
Overheard by: Britt
There's Nothing Like Nature to Bring Families Closer Together
Canoeing dad, looking back: I think we lost William entirely.
Canoeing guy: Who's Tyler?
--Blue River, Milltown, Indiana
Like the E.R.?
Little girl: Look! I can fit an entire Gatorade cap in my mouth! (demonstrates)
Teenage boy to teenage girl: That girl's going places.
--Long Beach Island, New Jersey
I Adore When Cows Eat Me, Though.
Stoned surfer: I decided that I won't eat fish anymore, because if I don't eat them, they won't eat me.
--Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Great White Ones!
Little black kid: Why can't we go in the pool?
Friend: What pool? That ain't no pool, nigga, it's got sharks in it!
--Coney Island Boardwalk, New York
Guess I Need Bigger Sunglasses
Young boy to father: Dad, do you know those girls?
Father: No!
Young boy: Oh, 'cause you keep staring at them...
--Lake McConaughy, Nebraska
Wasn't This an Episode Of SVU?
Man on cell: Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady.
--Marine World, Vallejo, California
Overheard by: Keena Burt
A+
Girl with textbook: What's the capital of the United States?
Boy: Washington, DC?
Girl with textbook: How many eggs to a dozen?
Boy: 12?
Girl with textbook: Where are the Jews?
Boy: Long Island?
--New York
...As Part Of the "Tatts for Tots" Program
Three-year-old girl with strong Southern accent: I am gonna get tattoos all over myself.
--Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: james
How'd It Get in Your Mouth Again?
Girl: I lost my butthole! Oh, wait, there it is!
--Old Orchard Beach, Maine
Overheard by: Misaki
...And I'd Like to Do It with Dignity.
Fat blubbery man to wife: C'mon already! Let's go in the water--I gotta take a piss!
--Caribbean
Overheard by: Grossed Out
They're All "If the Capitol Building's a Rockin', Don't Come A-Knockin'!"
Dramatic guy to woman at seaside restaurant: DC? Washington, DC, did you ask? DC is a fuckfest!
--Provincetown
Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Unlike Those Adult Babies Who Give You Giant Scars
60-something naked man: Yeah, but he was born at a very young age too.
--Sunny Isles, Florida
Overheard by: Kris
Some Punitive Swimming Lessons Are in Order
Guy holding small boy: Well, I don't think it's funny when you do things that you don't do!
--Presque Isle, Erie, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kat
Heidi Montag on the Set Of I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here!, in a Nutshell
Young girl, yelling: This isn't The Hills. This is real life!
--No Doubt & Paramore Concert, West Palm Beach, Florida
Was Matthew McConaughey's Surfer, Dude the Worst Movie Ever Made? Discuss.
Guy with board, about water: It's flatter than my abs out here!
--Perdido Key, Florida
The Canadian Version Of The Hills Is Infinitely More Entertaining
Skinny drunk girl with dense philosophy textbook: I like peeing when necessary, I like peeing when unnecessary. Whenever, wherever. As long as I get arrested for it, that's all I ask. Is that too much to ask?
--Jericho Beach, Vancouver, Canadia
Overheard by: Jericho
Translation: the Ocean Scares Me
Young black male: Yo, I wish this was an urban beach. Like Chicago.
--Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina
...Which Was Not Very Ladylike.
Woman sitting at beach with friends: I saw a ladybug in my salad and I ate that shit! It was giving me the finger...
--Riis Beach, New York
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