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March 2010 Archives
Yes, We Have a Huge Dish
Teen girl #1 to cute boy: Wow, you're from Romania?
Teen girl #2: Do you have, like, MTV Asia?
--Avalon, New Jersey
I Do Not Think That Word Means What You Think It Means
Little boy: I don't want to put on sunscreen!
Older sister: Do you want to look like a Nang?
Little boy: What?
Older sister: Well, that's the thing about Nangs, they get burnt!
--Byron Bay, Australia
The Beginner's Mind Has Many Possibilities
Incredibly preppy college student: Oh my god! We're on the bus! This is where the magic happens!
--Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Bemused High School Student
Could You Just Put the Cake at the Bottom Of the Sugar Bag?
Thin girl ordering funnel cake: I want so much powdered sugar on it that I don't want to be able to see the dough!
--Ocean City, Maryland
The Same Thing Happens to Women
Trendy Asian chick: I've seen a lot of transvestites in my day, but only one with a beard.
Old, well-dressed Mexican man: He must have forgotten to shave.
--Newport Beach, California
...Or Not?
Irritated mother: So, the dance is really just a DJ playing music for an hour, it's very informal.
Blonde teen: So, does that mean it's unformal?
--Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: hahahahaha
Basically I Like Little Fried Bits Of Unidentified Food
Teen to friend: Went to the Bahamas, they had conch there. I didn't eat that, it was weird. They had really good French fries in the Bahamas, though. I like all kinds of French fries... Curly fries, spicy fries... Except for steak fries, they have too much potato.
--Key Largo, Florida
Okay, Assghanistan Is Not a Real Place
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Borat was from Kazakhstan--that's a real country!
Boyfriend: No it's not!
Girlfriend: Yes it is, it's over in the Eastern European area! You are so up your ass right now!
--Kaanapali Beach, Maui, Hawaii
Overheard by: Megan
I Hate People Who Have Better Tans Than I Do
Bimbette to boyfriend: So yeah, I like, went to Cabo over spring break, and there were like Mexicans everywhere! Yeah, it was horrible.
--Michigan
I'll Just Have the Sweetbread.
Teen girl having dinner: Ew! Escargot has snails!
--Carnival Cruise Ship
Overheard by: Alix
And They Keep Accidentally Driving Me Back Over the Border
Tourist with thick New Jersey accent: These people are so stupid! They don't even speak American.
--Huatulco, Mexico
I Can Tell Because It Is Still Full
Cop, pointing to trash can filled rim with beer and alcohol bottles: Are all of these yours?
Tall man, pointing to one lone bottle: Well, that one's not mine.
--Belmar, New Jersey
A+ Nose-Picking, Though.
Older brother: Okay, okay, run around and grab all the sand and pick it up and throw it on the ground as fast as you can.
(little brother stares cluelessly at older brother)
Older brother: No, you fail!
--Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Overheard by: Joseph Hammerman
Shark: Ralph, Do You Have to Play the Jaws Theme Non-Stop?
Middle aged tourist yelling frantically to children in the water: Get out, get out! There's sharks!
Teenager with skimboard: Actually, those are a school of stingrays. They're quite harmle...
Middle age mother, cutting him off: Shaaarks! Get out now!
--Clearwater Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Jonica Grompson
Jesus, What Do You Have to Do to Get Exiled from New Jersey?
Little boy: Why do you live in New York now?
Uncle: Well, the family don't love me anymore.
Little boy: Huh? But...?
Uncle: Yeah, but you're lucky, they still love you. If they didn't, you'd have to live in New York with me.
--Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: Kate-in-Oz
You've Never Ordered from Papa Johannesburg's?
Girl #1: Who really invented pizza?
Girl #2: I think it was the Africans.
Guy: Africans? Come on, they're still not eating pizza.
--Mt. Clemens, Michigan
Overheard by: Lauren
What? It's Really Fat.
Little boy standing at pier railing, looking at beach: Look, dad! I can see America from here!
--Seal Beach Pier, California
Another Fake Place
Guy #1: You're from Kazakhstan? Isn't that where Borat is from?
Guy #2: Yes.
Guy #1: I thought that place was fake. I didn't know it was a real place.
Guy #2: Borat is from England.
--Miami Beach
Just Brain Cells? Whew!
Guy on cell: Did you just say you killed somebody?!
--Waikiki, Hawaii
Overheard by: gavin
Have You Tried Sleeping With Guys Who Like You?
Ugly overweight girl in unflattering bikini: Guys don't like you anymore after you've had sex with them.
--Belmar Beach, New Jersey
But If You Keep Drinking, They Refuse to Open at All
Betty Ford dropout: I hate it when you close your eyes and you feel the alcohol, but when you open them you don't.
--Ocean City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Danny
Winter In Maine Is ...Less Than Exciting
Suburban tourist #1: Remember that time when I threw the cat out in the snow and that guy was staring at me?
Suburban tourist #2: And then John got christened by the cat.
Suburban tourist #1: Yeah, I don't think that cat had peed in six months. It was like a fire hose.
Wife: That John and his temper...
--All Day Breakfast, Kennebunkport, Maine
Overheard by: Amused Locals
They Pump in The "Surf" White Noise To Mute Conversations
Girl on cell: Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm in the library. (pause) Yes. (pause) No, I can't talk, I'm studying.
--Blemar Beach, New Jersey
If He Really Cared, He'd Keep You Chained to the Radiator
Middle aged woman: And, like, you can just tell he doesn't truly love her or respect her as a woman because he lets her go out like that. I mean, my husband will always tell me to put a t-shirt on under something that's too low-cut, 'cause he doesn't want anyone staring. Now he loves me.
--Malibu, California
We've Decided Not to Allow You in the Water
Lifeguard to wading mother: That girl is too small. She can't be out that far. She has to be within arm's length.
Mother: How far is arm's length?
--Jericho Beach, Vancouver, Canadia
Overheard by: hefferlump
What Would Your Social Life Be Without It?
Girl, noticing bird poop on leg: Oh, shit! Why do I always get pooped on?!
--Oval Beach, Michigan
Overheard by: Steph
My First Day As a Nursing Home Aide
Girl #1: Yeah, and then I threw a book and it hit her in the throat. I was like, "hi-ya!"
Girl #2: Oh, why didn't you text me afterwards?
Girl #1: I was busy because then I threw one at her stomach. "Hi-ya!" Times four!
--Cape Cod, Massachusetts
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