Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
April 2010 Archives
And What Exactly Do You Sell Again?
Man, answering phone: Talbot Street Watersports, how may I help you?
Customer: Oh, what street are you on?
Man: Still on Talbot Street.
Customer: Oh, good... I was just checking.
--Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: OC Rocket
What? I Didn't Say It Was Me.
60-something African-American beggar: Send a nice Jewish boy through college. Send a nice Jewish boy through college...
--Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: drsteve
I Thought It Was a Floating Penitentiary
Guy: What's the capital of... Iraq?
Girl: Baghdad.
Guy: Lebanon?
Girl: Beirut.
Bimbo: Oh my god, how do you know all this? Have you been to these countries?
Girl #1: Yeah, because they're all such fun places to go visit...
Bimbo: I don't know any capitals except like Australia.
Guy: I'm sure you do, what about New Zealand?
Bimbo: That's a country?!
--Melbourne, Australia
Plus It Helps Wash Down the Sand.
Male: Your kid is eating the sunscreen.
Female: It's okay, he's bright on the inside. It's good for him.
--Pacific Beach, California
They Only Eat When They're Hungry
Son: Mommy, why haven't the sharks ripped those other fish apart?
--New York Aquarium, Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
Yeah, I'll Hold
Fat guy on cell: I'm not interested. Throw my food at the dog.
--Rhyl, Wales
Overheard by: Jake
There Are Black People in Minnesota?
Little black girl, as it starts to rain: It be droplin'!
--Elm Creek Beach, Minnesota
Overheard by: Life Guard
Puberty and Peer Pressure Ensure Australia's Bitch Surplus
Tween #1: Do you think I'm a bitch?
Tween #2: No!
Tween #3: You look like a bitch.
Tween #1: What?
Tween #3: Bitches are pretty.
Tween #2: Do I look like a bitch?
--Bondi Beach, Australia
Still Doesn't Explain Ted Kennedy, Though
Girl #1: Things happen for a reason, you know.
Girl #2: Yeah... It's probably good that I'm not rich. If I were rich, I'd be such a bitch!
Girl #1: Oh, I know! I'd still love you, but you'd be a total bitch.
Girl #2: Ugh... I can just hear me now: (total val voice) I'm going shopping! (normal voice) Ugh... My dad would spoil me.
Girl #1: I know! My dad too!
Girl #2: Our dads are too nice!
Girl #1: Maybe that's why god made them poor.
Girl #2: Yeah... He knew we'd be terrible people.
--Nathan's, Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Wondering if I sound like this to other people
...While I'm Asleep
Guy #1: What's going on? The sun went down but it's still raining?
Guy #2: Dude, why would the sun going down make it stop raining?
Guy #1: No, it totally does! It never rains at night.
--Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Matt
STI's Don't Discriminate, Dear Reader
Hot 20-year-old guy #1: I'm still dripping.
Hot 20-year-old guy #2: Dude, you banged that chick like a month ago and you're still dripping?
Hot 20-year-old guy #1: Dude, duh! She was Latina!
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
The Line Between Deep Tan and Deep Damage Is Hard to See
20-something girl: Oh my god! I have wrinkles in my cleavage!
--Adelaide, Australia
Overheard by: Oh No
Maybe They'll Shame Me Out Of My Little Hissy Fit
Guy on cell: Dude, you gotta come down here...I'm about to jump in the ocean and scream at the universe and I want you to help me! (pause) Okay, yeah, send the brown people down.
--Miami Beach, Florida
Your Editors Refuse to Go to Taco Bell Ever Again
Fat tourist lady: So then he yelled "I'm going to poop on your chest, you'll see!"
--South Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Captain K
Belinda Calls 'em As She Sees 'em
Guy standing in front of store: I can't believe it! That little girl just said "asshole"! I can't believe it! (gestures at two-year-old inside parked car)
Little girl: Asshole!
Guy: I can't believe it that little girl said "asshole" again!
Mother: Ni-iiice.
--Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: ISPgypsy
If I'm to Believe Your Hand
Girl: Wait, so I'm cheating on you... with myself?!
Guy: Exactly!
--Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
You Might Find Some in Between the Condoms and Syringes
Hick tourist, pointing to the ocean: So is that there salt water?
Island Beach State Park worker, after long confused pause: It's the ocean.
Hick tourist: Yeah, but does it like, have salt in it?
--Island Beach State Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: sick of bennies
I'm Sure They Still Make De-Lousing Shampoo
Frat boy to girl walking by and ignoring him: Is it because of my hair? Cause I'll change that!
--Mission Beach, San Diego, California
Oooh, Blood- Good One!
Black guy to puking white guy: Yup, I know what that's like. I do that every morning, brother!
--Long Beach, Long Island, New York
Um, We've Gotten Sunburn in Our Basement.
Very sunburned tourist man to very sunburned tourist lady: Well, I don't think we can get sunburned in the water.
--Bimini, Bahamas
Overheard by: Chey
Fine-- It Sucks, Okay?
Floridian: So, what do you think of Ft. Meyers?
New Yorker: Oh, it's charming.
Floridian: Big word, city girl.
--Ft. Myers, Florida
Last Time, You Ended Up Ball-Gagged and Handcuffed to a Llama
Girl #1: I mean, why would he register as a Republican only to vote in the primary?
Girl #2: Ugh... Gross! You are not allowed to fuck a Republican!
--UCSD, California
Overheard by: Holiday
That's What You Said About Susan Sarandon
Fisherman #1, watching freshly caught ray: What is that?!
Fisherman #2: It's some kind of mutant fish!
--Tip of Steeplechase Pier, Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Liam
As for the Blood Drinking, You're on Your Own
Girl: I really wish I was a vampire, then I could suck people's blood.
Friend: (completely silent)
Girl: That was kinda creepy sounding, wasn't it?
Friend: Well, I mean, it's not a bad thing to like biting people, but it is kinda frowned on to mention it...
--Hawaii
If You're Arrested, the U.S. Will Deny You Exist
Flight attendant: Welcome to Acapulco, where the local time is party time.
--Plane Landing in Acapulco, Mexico
You Must Be at Least This Smart to Go Near the Water
Tourist mom: Can you rent a boat at the lake down there?
Employee: Um, no. And that's the Pacific ocean.
--Coffee Shop, Carmel Beach, California
Read the Previous Month's Quotes!
