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June 2010 Archives
Women's Locker Rooms Are Wasted on Straight Chicks
Petite blonde with small breasts: I have my own boobs... I don't care about anyone else's boobs.
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
David Hasselhoff? Really?
16-year-old on phone: So he tried to sell you heroin?
--North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: That guy
The Adult Film Industry Will Be Happy to Guide You
Ditzy blonde tourist: I'm in New York City, and I have no idea what to do.
--Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Mimi
...And We're Coming from a Paula Abdul Tribute Concert.
Girl wearing bikini to group of girls wearing chunky sneakers, shorts with suspenders and bedazzled tank tops: Why are you guys wearing that?
Girl in group, nonchalantly: Cuz' we lookin' swagalicious.
--St. Joseph, Michigan
Just As Long As You Got His Consent First.
Little girl to boy: Guess what?
Boy: What?
Girl: I'm in George's hole!
--Diggers Beach, Australia
Overheard by: Maddy
Can a Whole Country Have Down Syndrome?
Girl #1: Whenever I go to Europe I just say I'm Canadian and they don't get weird like they do if you say you're American.
Girl #2: No way I'm claiming to be Canadian! Have you talked to those people?
--Austin, Texas
Florida Girls Are, Well, Different
Sailor #1, in bathroom: Ew! I saw your dick!
Sailor #2: Ew! You wish!
--Pensacola, Florida
Overheard by: disturbed roommate
Let Me Guess-- Whitney Houston Costume?
Teen to promoter throwing Halloween candy: Bitch, gimme somma dem fuckin' dots!
--West Palm Beach, Florida
Unlike All You Nasty Boys
Girl to friend: It's so hot. I'm icing my nipples, and they're not even getting erect.
--Melbourne, Australia
Overheard by: Yep, it's really that hot
I Love a Girl Who Can Handle Her Balls
70-year-old man at bar: I got prostate cancer back in the day, so I can lick 'em, but I can't dick 'em.
Almost legal girl: Oh? (laughs)
70-year-old man: You're very well-built for your age. (stares at girl's breasts) You wanna play pool with me?
--Palm Coast, Florida
That's Australian for "I'd Do You"
Tan guy jogger listening to iPod, shouting: Happy birthday!
Fit lady jogger listening to iPod, shouting: Thanks!
--Bondi Beach, Australia
Overheard by: GGary
Jello Shots It Is, Then
40-year-old woman to friend: Yeah, they told me I can only have solid liquids for a week.
--Miami Beach, Florida
How the High-Five Originally Developed
Girl on cell: Sometimes I just wanna beat you. Like, with my hand... Not my fist.
--Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: SB
Does Education Make My Butt Look Big?
Girl #1: What's Obama's last name?
Girl #2: Umm... Barrack?
--Point Loma, California
Overheard by: Maya
In the Kingdom Of the Pantless, the One-Thonged Man Is King
Seven-year-old girl to friend: Kyle says he's going to go through all the girls' bags and steal their undies.
--Outdoor Swimming Pool, Victoria, Australia
Overheard by: Mr. E
On Jerry Springer It's Never Out
Girl on cell: Don't be worried! Incest is totally in this season.
--Tampa, Florida
It's a Wise Child Who Knows His Fatherland
Girl to guy: Yeah, my parents are from Denmark, I know, it's "Deutschland"... I'm Dutch.
--Hamilton Island Beach, Australia
Overheard by: JJ
...And That's How I Meet Most Of My Boyfriends.
Girl on bike to family on bikes, loudly: I said my arse hurts and he said "mine doesn't, I'm good at taking it!"
--Rottnest Island, Western Australia
Overheard by: Victoria
I'm Getting a Resurrection
Girl, drinking spiked hot chocolate: Oh my god, it's like Jesus died in my mouth!
--Arcata, California
After His Sex Change, Homer Simpson Moved to Vancouver
40-something woman: You're from Turkey? What language do they speak there?
Turkish guy: Uh... Turkish.
40-something woman: There's a language called Turkish? Really? Do a lot of people speak it?
Turkish guy: Well, yeah, more than a thousand years ago in central Asia...
40-something woman, interrupting: Chinese people speak Turkish? I didn't know that!
--Vancouver, Canadia
Who Says Science Can't Be Fun?
Little girl voice: Get a flame thrower! (a few minutes later) Firegirl gets iced!
--Oceanside, California
Overheard by: What goes on in my neighborhood?
She's a Walking Tribute to 1980s Madonna
Fake tanned, bleach blonde woman loudly into phone: I mean, have you seen Alice lately? Forget the Brazilian wax, she needs to have the whole South American!
--Manly Beach, Sydney
Overheard by: anotherpassenger
"Figaro" Isn't Even a Real Word!
Middle-aged woman to another, watching opera-singing karaoke street performer: I dunno... I say she's retarded.
--Laguna Beach, California
Overheard by: Fixed Address Local
Hence My Invasion Of Your Sudetenland
Guy: My dick has no boundaries.
--Miami, Florida
The One Who Wrote Me This Stinging Letter
Man, ranting: ...and then there's the fucking chicken!
--San Diego, California
Overheard by: I always have that problem...
Didn't Your Tax Forms Get Soggy?
Annoyingly loud blonde: You did it in the ocean?!
--Olde Angel Inn Pub, Niagara-on-the-Lake, Canadia
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