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July 2010 Archives
Ad: Got Grandma?
Adult son to mom: Thanks for babysitting the kids, ma. You know why I love you?
Rockin granny: Cuz I breastfed you for 12 years?
Ten year old grandson: Oh my god!
--Clearwater Beach, Florida
...As My Science Fair Project.
Petite and topless blonde: When I get my boobs done, I'm gonna like... Walk around school with my tits out all the time.
--South Beach, Miami, Florida
Overheard by: mar
Story Of My Life.
Mermaid to another: I'd be a lot less naked, but I just got sick of gluing seashells to myself.
--Mermaid Parade, Coney Island
Overheard by: shorty j
It Was at Once Zesty and Explosive!
Older guy: We had dinner there earlier in the week. I got food poisoning.
Young kayaking guide: Really? Was it good?
--York Beach, Maine
I May Never Go Home Again
Young male Australian tourist on cell: We've already been to a service station and a McDonald's, which is different.
--Rotorua, New Zealand
Overheard by: exactly how different to McDonald's in Australia?
Hurry, They Stop Serving Passports at 11:00 A.M.!
Tour coach driver, gesturing to McDonald's restaurant further down the road: Aaaaand coming up ahead are the golden arches of the American embassy.
--TehanuNui, Nelson, New Zealand
Overheard by: Makenzie
...That's How I Met You.
30 something guy standing at bar: So she asked me if I had ever slept with a stripper.
Friend: What did you say?
30 something guy: I told her the truth... I said "yeah, I slept with a stripper, of course."
--Austin, Texas
...But That Was So Anticlimactic!
Girl, after spilling white lotion on the ground: I didn't think it would come... Out.
--Tampa, Florida
And So White People Can Feel Okay About Calling Us "Persons Of Color"
White girl to black friend: Why do black people wear colored skinny jeans?
Black girl: So when it's dark you can see them.
--Tampa, Florida
Who Still Uses MySpace?
Scene girl to friend: Hey, Ana!
Friend, yelling: Call me by my MySpace name!
Scene girl, sighing: Fine. (pause) Hey, AnaAutomaticAssaultUnicorn!
--Tampa, Florida
Or, Like, an Orgy with Four People?
Teenage boy #1: Yeah, Verizon is supposed to get a 4G network sometime soon.
Teenage boy #2: Do you even know what 4G means?
Teenage boy #1: 4 dimensions! Duh!
--Granite Bay, California
Overheard by: AB
Eh, You Don't Know Squat.
Guy to Dachshund: Sit!
Girl: He doesn't really need to sit, he is so close to the ground.
--Tampa, Florida
His Cologne? History Channel No. 5.
Elderly woman: You know your cousin Wyatt? He's into history as well. And he is positively obsessed with World War II. The Nazi regime, camps, he is an expert!
Girl: That's really creepy, grandma.
--Tampa, Florida
...and Embarrass Me in Front Of My Criminal Enterprise Assoicates
Tattooed dad to two-year-old daughter struggling to get on tricycle: Remember, sweetie, always get on from the left so you don't burn yourself on the exhaust pipe.
--Playground, Alameda, California
Overheard by: lith
For the Last Time, That's Not What Lady Fingers Are
Girl to brother: What are you eating?
Brother: Human remains.
--Tampa, Florida
Robin Laid an Egg!
Little boy: Ew, dad! Look! Dog poo!
Father: No, I think that's bat poo.
Little boy: Batman's poo?
--Byron Bay, Australia
You Need to Stay Abreast Of These Things, Ashley!
Girl #1, playing Taboo and giving clues for "big brother": Ummm. I have two of them!
Girl #2: Hands? Eyes?
Girl #1: No! Um! Um! Big? Large?
Girl #2: Legs!
Girl #1: Oh my god!
--Newcastle, Australia
Um, All I Asked Was, "Are You Happy with Your Long-Distance Carrier?"
Attractive female on cell: No, that's sexual harassment.
--Lorne, Australia
To Prolong Your Agony, I'll Drive at Idle Speed
Shuttle driver over loudspeaker: You can sit anywhere you like, they're all equally uncomfortable.
--Key West, Florida
The Partial-Birth Ones Are to Die for
Girl to friends: You know what tastes great? Scrambled chicken abortions...
--Tampa, Florida
Her Father Is Data from Goonies
Guy to girl: I'm going set up booby traps round your house!
Girl to guy: Oooh, booby traps, I like the sound of that...
--Tampa, Florida
Here's Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson to Explain
Girl #1: Dude, my retainer smells nasty!
Girl #2: Just put a little bleach on it.
Girl #1: Wouldn't that kill me?
Girl #2: Yeah, but it will make your teeth whiter.
--Tampa, Florida
Kelly and Sharon Osbourne Have Always Been Close
Mother to daughter reading a running magazine: Which is harder, running on a treadmill...
Daughter, yelling: Your mum!
--Tampa, Florida
Actually, Write Her a Nice Card Inviting Her to Do So.
Girl on cell: Suck a dick! Tell Vanessa to suck a dick too!
--Long Branch, New Jersey
Overheard by: Mr. Pacman and the Pacman Ghost
When the Game Show Network Merged With the History Channel
Girl to friend: I'm going to name one of my friends Jew and the other one Hitler, so it would be like Family Feud.
--Tampa, Florida
What's the Answer That Won't Have You Thinking I'm Gay?
Guy to girl: I have a wiener dog that is a pain in the ass!
Girl: Is that supposed to be a pun?
--Tampa, Florida
Actually, It Was a Great Party!
20-something girl on cell: The baby-changing room?! That's horrid!
--Interislander Ferry, New Zealand
Overheard by: Sally
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