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It Was Love at First Touch for Santa and Mrs. Claus
Girl on drugs, rubbing random person's stomach: Your belly feels like my belly, but on someone else!
--Byron Bay, Australia
Why Don't You Just Check the Polygraph?
Stoned girl: It's really windy today. I wonder what it is on the Richter scale?
--Brighton Beach, United Kingdom
Overheard by: Chicken King
So That's Why Garfield Is Always So Hungry
Hippie, to the cat he is walking on a leash: Did you eat my pot?
--Ocean Beach, San Diego
What If No One's Around to Hear It?
Boy, obviously on drugs: My mum says that your brain is like a forest, and every time you take drugs you are cutting down a tree.
--Splendour Music Festival, Byron Bay, Australia
Time to Invest in a Bathtub?
Dude: This beach trip has been so awesome!
Chick: We've been here all week, and you haven't walked down to the beach once.
Dude: Yeah, but it's great to just sit around, drink, and get high.
Chick: You do that at home.
Dude: But I can see the water from the window. At home all I see is the parking lot.
--Nags Head, North Carolina
Hey, Wasn't That Your Foot?
Stoned surfer #1: Hey, remember that time when that shoe washed up that had a foot in in it?
Stoned surfer #2: Oh, yeah! And that dog got it and was running around with it and wouldn't let anyone have it? That was hilarious.
Stoned surfer #1: Totally.
--Bolinas, California
Overheard by: didn't think it was hilarious then or now
I Keep Waiting for Them to Slip up and Not Consider Something, Man, but They Never Do!
Stoner #1: Man I love NPR. That All Things Considered shit is so freaking good.
Stoner #2: I know, right? It's like they don't not consider anything.
Stoner #3: Ummm... Yeah, it's exactly like that.
--Clearwater Beach, Florida
Overheard by: That little broad
Reminds Me of That Time I Had That Tommy Lee Dream
Housemate: So, last night I was so high on acid that I thought the whole beach was made of cocaine, and now I can't breathe.
--Brazil
Overheard by: living with morons
Thus Ousted, the Crackhead Went to Yale and Ran for President
Crackhead: Yeah, I'm kind of known around here as the sheriff of the North Shore.
Local guy: Yeah? Well, then I'm the mayor.
Passing Australian surfer: I want to be prime minister.
--Sunset Beach, Oahu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Jehan
I'm 97% Certain Richard Simmons Was Born by a Massive Gay Orgy
Meth-adict-looking girl: I was born by a massive gay orgy.
Friend: I wish I was born by something...
--Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Zach
Is That What "Bros Before Hos" Means?
Stoner #1: When I first tried weed, I did not inhale.
Stoner #2: You know, I've always wondered why they called it a blow job...
Stoner #1: Why? Did you want one?
--Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: Max
Arrrghhhh, Fiiire!
Stoned guy #1: Look at the moon, its all halfy and shit.
Stoned guy #2: You said it in a tone like you're in a Frankenstein movie.
--Near the Cannal, Serbia
Overheard by: Uros Jovanovic
Oh, That Ought to Narrow It Down
Druggie hipster #1 to friend out of earshot: Hey! Hey, you! Hey! Come here!
Druggie hipster #2: Ugh, what's her name? Come here! Hey!
Black guy passerby: Hey, white bitch!
--Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Audra
As Long As We Keep It Underwater, We Should Be Fine
Rich stoner: Are you sure the bonfire won't light the sand on fire?
--The Hamptons, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: og pimp
