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A Cell Phone Is Like a Woman: If It's Not Turned On, It Stays Dry
Wrestler #1: The other day I went in the water, and I forgot my cell phone was in my pocket. It doesn't work anymore.
Wrestler #2: Was it on?
Wrestler #1: Yes.
Wrestler #2: Well, you should have turned it off before you went in!
--The Black Sea
We Could Call Ourselves 'The Circle Jerks' -- Unless that's Taken
Shirtless meathead #1: This is awesome. We should start a shirts-off club.
Shirtless meathead #2: Yeah. We could call it 'Shirtless in Seattle.'
Shirtless meathead #3: But we don't live in Seattle.
--Dewey Beach, Delaware
I'd Never Forgive Myself If They Dented a Lexus
Muscle guy: Damn, that Lexus just hit that kid on a bike in front of Circle Pizza!
Blonde woman: Wait what? Was it one of mine?
Muscle guy: No, yours are jumping off the bridge.
Blonde woman: Oh, thank god.
--St Avalon, New Jersey
Overheard by: Himbo
Time to Install More RAM
Jock #1: Woah! I am so down for some volleyball!
Jock #2: Bocce ball!
Jock #1: Bocce is huge.
Jock #2: Man, I feel like a kid in a candy store... Yo, I am so into this bocce ball.
Jock #1: Bocce is huge.
--Dr. Gravity's Kite Shop, Harwichport, Massachusetts
Overheard by: jon wazoo
Which Was Good, because I Didn't
Blonde: Wait, do Jewish people burn or tan?
Meathead: Well, some are pasty and some are really dark.
Blonde: Yeah, 'cause, like, she's Jewish and she gets a tan. I came into work the other day and my hair was curly, and everyone was like, 'Whoa!' But then I told them I'm half-Jewish, so they understood.
--Manchester by the Sea, Massachusetts
Overheard by: i burn and i'm not
It's Good That You Both Are Planning Ahead For Your Futures as Vagrants
Meathead: God, there are an awful lot of bums here.
Ditzy girl: I know. But think about it, being a bum in San Diego is totally smart. It's never cold, and they can just sleep on the beach, and the church around the corner from my house feeds them for free every day. They've got it made!
Meathead: Totally. Being a bum here must rock. If I ever need to, I'm gonna be a bum here.
Ditzy girl: I know. I don't know why people would be bums anywhere else. I mean, how stupid. If you're gonna be homeless, do it in San Diego. Duh.
--Pacific Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: American Goods
What If I Asked to Lick Your Ass?
Buff guy, after ordering an extra "floater" shot on top of his strawberry daiquiri: Is ordering that gay?
Friend: Not any gayer than drinking a daiquiri.
--Newport Beach, Newport, Rhode Island
Overheard by: ThoseGuys
The Sun Finally Finished with That Chick
White muscle head to black muscle head friend: Hey, bro! You got tan! How'd you do that?
--Robert Moses State Park, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Cara
Yes, It's Important That They Be Well Educated
Jock: Don't diabetics have to check their pH level?
--Long Beach, New York
Oh, Man... You? Again?
Meathead #1: I was so wasted last night.
Meathead #2: Yeah?
Meathead #1: My girlfriend showed me pictures of me making out with a dude.
Meathead #2: Yeah, I think that was me.
--Revere Beach, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Tom
Where Does Being a Member of an Obsolete Sub-Culture Rank?
Jock #1: So I heard about this champion high school wrestler on Real Sports who has no legs.
Jock #2: That's awesome. Good for him. I never won a championship in high school.
Punk, walking by: You know what's better then being a state championship wrestler with no legs?
Both jocks: What?
Punk: Having legs!
--Pearl Street, Beach Haven, New Jersey
Overheard by: andrew dean
Wore the Old One Out
Knife-scarred muscle man: Naw, man, that's it -- I'm done. I'm just gonna go home and play checkers and hopefully win. If not, I'm gonna play Scrabble and cheat! I just bought a new thesaurus.
--Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: donovan
Must Be Cracker Mating Season
Dumb meatheads to dumb girls: So we've got triscuits and flavor-blasted goldfish back at our condo if you want to come with us.
--Siesta Beach, Florida
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: 'Is That on the Table? Why Wasn't I Informed?!'
Big jock: We just need to give America back to the Muslims.
--Barceloneta Beach, Barcelona, Spain
Overheard by: Confesed Passerby
Um, Actually, It's Yours
Meathead: I'm sick of drama, and I'm sick of people coming down and crashing at my beach house. It's so annoying when people just use my stuff. Can I have some of your water?
--Wildwood, New Jersey
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
