Amateur oncologist: Having a baby? That’s like growing a tumor with a brain inside of you. –Good Harbor Beach, Gloucester, Massachusetts Overheard by: concerned citizens
Little surfer kid pointing to large black lady: Look, a whale turd. –New Symrna, Florida
Sunbathing guy: You know what sucks? Thinking you're more tan than you actually are. –Ocean City, Maryland
Girl #1: That’s why I love the beach, there’s always someone in a bathing suit who looks worse than you!
Random beach dude: Sorry hun, today that’s just not the case.
Girl #2: Oh my god. –Lake Ontario, New York
Postman on cell: Yeah, I'm not a street gangsta–but I'm a gangsta in the house. I hold that shit down. Anybody can be all tough in the streets, but me, I got the house on lock. –Rockaway Beach, New York Overheard by: Tigertail
Jersey woman, to seagull: Get away, you lazy sonofabitch! Go find your own food! [to friends] Just like Mexicans. –Wildwood, New Jersey Overheard by: Dan
Teen boy: Ugh. This tanning oil gets so hot! Maybe it will fry off my back zits. Hey, move over, I want to lay down so the sun will burn off my back zits. –Beach, Rhode Island
Furious teenage boy to other teens: Just because you call “no-homo” before you do something doesn't mean it's not gay! –Coney Island, New York
Fat guy to wife who’s sunbathing on her stomach: Wow. You need to shave — you got some wild, stray hairs back there.
Wife: Say it louder, asshole. –Rosemary Beach, Florida Overheard by: She’s still hotter than you, pal
Mother, loudly: Oh my God, get over here! Turn around!
Teen daughter: What! What’s on me?!
Mother: A stretch mark! That’s what! Right there on your hip! You have got to lay off the chips! We are on vacation here. You shouldn’t be stress-eating!
Teen daughter: Mom! Shut up! People can hear you.
Mother: No, no one is listening, and besides, they can all see it, too.
Kayaking instructor: Does everyone have their life vests on? Good now I’d like you all to pair up, and for this first run we are going to pair up with someone you don’t know.
Daughter: Thank God!
Mother: What? –Bayville, New Jersey