Gay man to another: You are to florist shops as others are to tattoo parlors. –St. Michaels, Maryland Overheard by: I am to shoe stores
Blond woman, wrapping towel around her waist: I feel like my thighs are too fat to be at the beach.
Gay friend: Well, shit, now they look like they're in a sausage casing. Downgrade. –Palmetto, Boca Raton, Florida
Queer #1: Oh my god, I used to eat Little Debbies all the time! I would have a Little Debbie and a Coke for breakfast every day.
Queer #2, intensely: I fucking loved Little Debbies. –Publix, South Beach, Miami, Florida
Queer #1, holding apple core: Is this biodegradable?
Queer #2, driving: Yes!
Queer #1: Okay! (tosses it out the window) –Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Aussie queer: I know that guy’s gay. That’s got to be his sister. A minute ago a guy came walking up to him that had the same look — tattoos, short hair… That’s usually a giveaway, right? Monkey’s face.
American queer: Monkey’s face? What’s that mean? Is that another Australian colloquialism?
Aussie queer: No, I was just saying the guy’s face looked like a monkey. –Bronte Beach, Australia
Crazy bag lady: I’m Ozzy’s mommy!
Queer: No, you’re not! You’re a fucking gross woman who carries around used clothes and a knapsack full of tissues! Plus, Ozzy sucks!
Crazy bag lady: Fag! –St. Petersburg, Florida
Queer: … And when he finished on my ass he said, ‘Hold on,’ and took a step backward and did a back flip! –St. Augustine Beach, Florida