Tourist mom to kids, upon seeing dolphins: Get out of the water! Go, now! Get out! [After seeing everyone else getting in and swimming out.] Never mind, get back in. –Treasure Island, Florida Overheard by: Native Floridian
Gay man to another: You are to florist shops as others are to tattoo parlors. –St. Michaels, Maryland Overheard by: I am to shoe stores
Blond woman, wrapping towel around her waist: I feel like my thighs are too fat to be at the beach.
Gay friend: Well, shit, now they look like they're in a sausage casing. Downgrade. –Palmetto, Boca Raton, Florida
Teenage girl: Rosie O'Donnell has multiple personality disorder.
Friend: I thought she was a lesbian. –Starbucks, La Jolla, California Overheard by: …Which are mutually exclusive.
Blonde teen: I don't know what she's doing, pole dancing isn't even sexy.
Teen boy: It is, if you do it right! –Ocean Beach, Fire Island, New York
Boston woman in her late 50s: … And it’s not like it used to be. Jamaica Plain has become so culturally diverse… It’s so unfortunate!
Sunburned woman in her late 50s: Um. Where is that sunscreen? –Surfside Beach, Nantucket, Massachusetts Overheard by: KP
Stoned nerd (talking about his sub order): I've got six inches!
Stoned girl: Lucky. I got the lesbian choice, a fuckin' sandwich. Cuz the sandwich is like a vagina and the sub is like a dick, ya know?
Stoned nerd: No, I totally understand. And I'm okay with that. –Wawa, Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Woman #1: Now you see that dude right there? That one in the green swim trunks.
Woman #2: Okaaaaay, yeah, I see him. The one with the red hair that's skimboarding?
Woman #1: Yeah, him. Now, I would so hook up with him. Look at those abs. Don't you just wanna run your hands all over him?
Girl slathered in tanning oil, staring at them: That's my boyfriend.
Woman #2: Oh. How long have you guys been going out?
Girl: Four months. What's it to you?
Woman #1: Just weighing our chances.
Girl: Chances of what?
Woman #2: Sleeping with him.
(girl makes disgusted noise and walks away).
Woman #2: Don' t worry, Shar. She's hideous. We'll follow them when they leave and the next time they go to a club or something, we'll hunt him down and get what we want.
Woman #1: We always do. Wait…which one of us gets to sleep with him? (they glance at each other, saying nothing) I've got a bigger rack. –Pismo Beach, California Overheard by: Matilda
Hot girl to extremely fat guy transfixed by her boobs: What, are you comparing size? Shape? Cause mine might not be as big as yours, but they're far perkier. –Uvongo Beach, South Africa Overheard by: dizziebean
Young black male: Yo, I wish this was an urban beach. Like Chicago. –Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina