Archive for the ‘Couples’ Category

The Smiths' Early Forays Into Swinging Were Clumsy and Ineffectual

World’s best wife: Honey, twelve o’clock.
Clueless husband: Huh? No, it’s not. It’s two-thirty.
World’s best wife: I mean twelve o’clock.
Clueless husband: I don’t get you.
World’s best wife: Look straight ahead.
Clueless husband: Why?
World’s best wife: Look at the hot chick right in front of you! Look! Look!
Clueless husband: Oh!…Niiice. –Grand Beach, Manitoba

When He's Being Nice to Me He Puts Out Cigarettes on My Arm

Guy: You look really hot in that bikini.
Girl #1: I’m not really in the mood for flirting today so why don’t you just buy me a lemon ice, I’ll pretend I like you, and we’ll both be on our way.
Guy, as he walks away: Bitch.
Girl #2, walking up to her: Wasn’t that your boyfriend?
Girl #1: Yeah. I’m so tired of him being a dick all the time. Guy comes back with a lemon ice. –Boardwalk, Jones Beach, New York Overheard by: Batwon

An Overabundance of Sand and Sun, for One Thing

Long Island wife: Shawn! Shawn, you idiot, your son wants to come swimming with you!
Long Island husband: Did you just call me an idiot?
[A fight erupts and wife is so upset she starts packing.]
Long Island husband: What are you doing? You said you wanted to go to the beach today!
Long Island wife: We’ve been to the beach, and the beach fucking sucks! –West Palm Beach, Florida Overheard by: sat near them on the plane going home two days later, too

Snow White Began to Regret Choosing Grumpy Over the Prince

Husband: There are always thieves on the beach.
Wife: Well, aren’t you just a ray of sunshine up my ass?
Husband: Well, there are.
Wife: You are just a ray of fucking sunshine up my ass! All day (imitating husband) “I can’t smoke here, I can’t drink here, there are thieves on the beach.” –East Matunuck State Beach, Rhode Island Overheard by: Penny Lane