Drunk girl: My goal is to win a wet T-shirt contest so I can win two hundred dollars and get a tattoo… I could never get naked, but I would if I had to. –Ft. Walton Beach, Florida Overheard by: If I didn’t have to work the next day, I’d have invited her to party
Boston woman in her late 50s: … And it’s not like it used to be. Jamaica Plain has become so culturally diverse… It’s so unfortunate!
Sunburned woman in her late 50s: Um. Where is that sunscreen? –Surfside Beach, Nantucket, Massachusetts Overheard by: KP
40-year-old yuppie man: Yeah! I think a detox kiosk is a great idea! –La Jolla, California Overheard by: Confetti Bomb
Bimbette: What is it about the beach that attracts sunlight?
Guy: Attracts sunlight?
Bimbette: Yeah, it’s always sunnier at the beach.
Guy: Uh, maybe you need to sit in the shade for a while. –Sandy Point State Park, Maryland
Queer #1 reaching for sunscreen: Okay, I need someone to do my back!
Queer #2: Ewww.
Queer #1: Oh, shut up you skanky-ass, motherfucking whore! –Cherry Grove Beach, Fire Island, New York Overheard by: Marizzle
[Three ten-year-old boys cycling past the beach.]
Boy #1: Why you going so fast?!
Boy #2: [Missing front teeth, which makes him lisp.] Becauth he wath fucking her latht night!
Boy #3: What?!!! –Lake Calhoun Beach, Minneapolis, Minnesota Overheard by: They grow up quickly these days!
Girl #1: Man, I think I got a yeast infection from that dude.
Girl #2: That fucking sucks.
Girl #1: Tell me about it. Getting laid is killing my sex life. –Long Beach, California Overheard by: hillary claire
A black man cuts in line ahead of two anorexic JAPs.
Anorexic JAP #1: Why are we here again?
Anorexic JAP #2: Ugh, I know! This would never happen back in Boca!
Black man: Eat something, you Jewish popsicles!
Anorexic JAP #1: Did he just ask us to give him a blowjob? –Deerfield Beach, Florida Overheard by: Laughing
Guy #1: Eh, to be honest, with as much as I’ve been laid, I’ve probably got a kid somewhere.
Guy #2: You need to practice safe sex. Put it in her pooper. –Pismo Beach, California Overheard by: Walking by in disbelief
Wife: Frank, you heard about the 11 second rule?
Husband, staring at hot nude chick nearby: What?
Wife: The 11 second rule. If the cops catch you staring at breasts for more than 11 seconds, you have to go to jail.
Husband: No way.
Wife: And keep in mind, there are lots of gay men on this beach. –Race Point Nude Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts