Chick: Fuck, I stepped on a piece of glass!
Dude: Was it beach glass?
Chick: I don’t know… We’re at the beach… Probably.
–Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: monkey
Archive for the ‘Guys’ Category
That Reminds Me, When is Mom Up for Parole?
Chick: I can’t stand it when people smoke at the beach. It’s such a wrong thing to do in a place like this.
Dude: Smoking at the beach is like killing someone at a birthday party.
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Peter
Plus, We're Always Painfully Candid
Guy #1: I’ve been married for eleven years. My wife and I are always looking for ways to keep our relationship fresh.
Girl: I’ve heard having sex in different rooms of the house helps that.
Guy #2: My wife and I just have sex with different people.
–Santa Monica Pier, California
I Always Knew the Norse Had Their Fingers on the Pulse
Guy staring at topless girl speaks rapidly in Norwegian, then: Topless! Yay!
–Fraser Island, Queensland, Australia
Old Enough to Die of a Heart Attack During Sex, Old Enough to Have Sex With
A punk passes an 80-year-old woman in a t-shirt emblazoned with the word ‘Hottie.’
Punk: I’d hit it.
–Boardwalk, Ocean City, Maryland
Wait, I Just Saw You Buy a Lemonade With a 10… Bend Over
Clothed guy: Hey, got any change?
Nude guy, waving his hands in the air: I got no pockets!
–Wreck Beach, British Columbia, Canadia
This Time Jesus Turns the Beer into Fanta Grape
Cop: All right, what’s in the cup?
Young guy: Uh, beer.
Cop: I asked you what’s in the cup. Now give it to me.
Young guy: I just told you, it’s beer!
Cop: You do know it’s illegal to be drinking on the boardwalk, right?
Young guy: It’s soda.
Cop: It’s beer. Give it to me.
Young guy: No! It’s mine!
Young guy runs off with cup.
–Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: also kinda drunk
She Could Be a Piñata that Hasn't Been Hung
Guy pointing out girl with tampon string hanging out of her bikini: Dude, that chick is either on her period, or she just fucked a tea bag. –Bronte Beach, Sydney, Australia Overheard by: Hamish The Li
On the Other Hand, if Her Nails are Fake…
Black chick walks by two white guys on the beach.
White guy #1: She is pretty hot. I’m gonna go talk to her.
White guy #2: Chicks like that always have some huge black dude waiting to beat your ass for looking at them.
White guy #1: I can tell she dates white men.
White guy #2: How?
White guy #1: Her tits are fake.
–South Beach, Florida
Overheard by: PS
After All that Training with the Ping-Pong Balls, It's Just a Reflex
Chick: You didn’t bring the towels?!
Dude: Sorry, I forgot! Just lay in the sand!
Chick: I can’t! You know it always gets up inside of me!
–Daytona Beach, Florida