Girl on phone: Did you go to my car yet? (pause) Shit, I wanted you to grab my deodorant. (pause) You have deodorant? (disgusted pause) I'm not going to use deodorant you just scraped off yourself! –Coney Island, New York
20-something trailer park chick: This one time I was napping, and I just let the baby crawl around the house. I woke up ’cause I felt this tug on the blankets, and I look down and she was makin’ this choking sound! So I beat on her back, right, and this penny came out. When my husband came home I was like, ‘You can’t be leavin’ change lyin’ around the house!’ But, you know, I just knew something was wrong. Just the way she was tugging on my blankets and that sound she was making, I just knew. It’s that mother-daughter thing, you know? –Palm Beach Shores, Florida Overheard by: Ethan
Five-year-old pulling her bottom lip down: I have herpes! –Seabrook Beach, New Hampshire
Frat boy #1: How did Steve squeeze past the crowd and order drinks so fast?
Frat boy #2: Oh, he takes yoga classes. –South Beach bar, Miami, Florida
Worried teen: Oh no! The janitor lady cleaned up my tooth! –Howard Park Beach, Tarpon Springs, Florida Overheard by: CorLiz
Black chick walks by two white guys on the beach.
White guy #1: She is pretty hot. I’m gonna go talk to her.
White guy #2: Chicks like that always have some huge black dude waiting to beat your ass for looking at them.
White guy #1: I can tell she dates white men.
White guy #2: How?
White guy #1: Her tits are fake. –South Beach, Florida Overheard by: PS
Blonde: Hey, can you look at my butt? Do I have blood on my butt?
Guy: Uh, what?
Blonde: I have my period — I just want to make sure I don’t have blood on my butt.
Guy: What? Ew. –Venice Beach, California Overheard by: Sarah
Drag queen, dressed as a princess with a mop: Come in and have a drink! Best place around!
Straight girl: What are you cleaning?
Drag queen: Girl, it gets messy around here, can't you see? (proceeds to use mop on girl's glasses) –Fire Island, New York Overheard by: Cordelia
Angry mother: Wash your damn hands!
Dirty son: No!
Angry mother: Wash your damn hands, Justin!
Dirty son: [Sticks his hands in the clogged sink.]
Angry mother: Use the fucking soap. You just gave the dog his medicine in his butt.
Dirty son: No way, I already stuck my hands in my mouth. –In-N-Out Burger, Long Beach, California
Guy: Oh, man, I’ve got salt in my penis now. That shit hurts.
Girl: I don’t really think it matters what goes in my vagina. –Melbourne Beach, Florida Overheard by: H K