Mother: Will you please stop whining?
Small boy: Shut up, Mommy.
–Martell’s Tiki Bar, Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: Trystan
Archive for the ‘Insults’ Category
Kids, Can You Find Five Things Wrong with this Sunbather?
Girl #1: How do my boobs look?
Girl #2: Like oranges. Seriously, you need to quit that fake tanning shit.
Girl #1: Suck my dick.
–Ocean City, Maryland
You Mean While You Were Out Spreading Herpes?
Girl to friend in hot-pants: What have you been doing besides looking fat in those shorts all day?
–Lake Michigan
How about 'Letters that Start with the Letter N'?
Teen girl #1: Pick a vegetable!
Teen girl #2: I know mine — tomato!
Teen girl #3: Dumbass, a tomato’s a fruit. Choose again.
Teen girl #2: Ginger!
Teen girl #1: Should I pick an easier category?
–Emerald Isle, North Carolina
Not Exactly Rent, But It'll Do
Tanned man #1: Look at those fags over there!
Tanned man #2: Which ones?
Tanned man #1: The two over there, sitting with those four hot girls with the fine asses, big tits, and tiny bikinis.
Tanned man #2: Wait. You and I are alone. Those two guys have two girls each. Sounds like we’re the fags.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: D Meyers
It's Never Too Early to Tell Someone He Has a Small Penis
Cheesy 15-year-old boy: I can’t believe you were about to go up to him and say that. Ha, ha, ha.
Cheesy 15-year-old girl: Wouldn’t be the first time I made someone cry.
Cheesy 15-year-old boy: You’re a whore.
–Ocean City, New Jersey
When the Doors of Perception are Cleansed, Man Will See Her Ass as It Truly is: Infinite
Woman: That bitch must have one of those fun house mirrors that she looks thin in, because that ass in that suit is just wrong, wrong, wrong. –Playa Del Carmen, Mexico
KKK Just So Stories
Little surfer kid pointing to large black lady: Look, a whale turd. –New Symrna, Florida
The Soft Bigotry of Low Expectations
Girl #1: I think you might be ridiculous.
Girl #2: Look who’s talking.
Girl #1: See, you’re not normally ridiculous. On the other hand, I am always ridiculous. So why should you expect any different from me?
Girl #2: I shouldn’t. I’m sorry.
–#6 Parking Lot, Jones Beach, New York
One Expects Better Of Florida White Girls
Teen girl #1: Ew! I didn't even know they had movies like this here!
Teen girl #2: What? Wedding Wars?
Teen girl #1, whispering: It's a gay movie! It's all about gay people!
Teen girl #2: Is not! It's just a comedy! (picks up the case and flips it over)
Teen girl #1: Oh my god! Put it down!
Teen girl #2: You're such a racist.
–Blockbuster, New Tampa, Florida