Archive for the ‘Insults’ Category

Guess Mommy's Never Seen a Real Woman

Woman to friend: Look at that woman. She so fat, we should call Greenpeace to roll her back in the ocean.
Little girl passing by fat woman: My mommy says Greenpeace should roll you back into the ocean! –Zandvoort, Netherlands Overheard by: Linda

If I Do You, Will You Be Nice to Me?

Girl: So, out of all the people in this circle, who have you been sexually involved with?
Queer: Does pecking count?
Girl: Yes. Queer points at everyone. Girl 1: You man-whore! So, if pecking doesn’t count, who have you done anything with?
Queer: Everyone except her.
Girl: So you’re still a whore. –Centennial Beach, British Columbia, Canadia Overheard by: shutterbug

Your Pants Say It's Too Late For That

Baggy-Pants boy #1: I don’t take off my shoes at the beach.
Baggy-Pants boy #2: How are you going to walk in the water?
Baggy-Pants boy #1: I’ll just keep them on. Is there a law that says you have to be barefoot in the ocean?
Baggy-Pants boy #2: No. But there’s a law that says if you do that, you’re gonna look like a jackass. –Fort Lauderdale Beach, Florida Overheard by: Lesley

You Know — He Was Married to Florence Henderson, Had Six Kids and a Maid…

Girl #1: And so I told him, ‘You don’t really look Tom Brady.’ And he was like, ‘Yeah, I’m hotter than he is.’ Yeah, this is why I don’t usually listen to him talk.
Girl #2: Oh, I know. He’s retarded, but he’s such a nice piece of ass.
Girl #1: Definitely. But I’d still take Tom Brady any day, right?
Girl #2: Wait, didn’t they replace him?
Girl #1: He’s one of their best players! Why would they do that?
Girl #2: The news anchor? Who are you talking about?
Girl #1: You mean Tom Brokaw?
Girl #2: Oh. Who’s Tom Brady? –Myrtle Beach, South Carolina Overheard by: Mary

Dear Mythbusters…

Tattooed, bare-chested male #1: You could definitely walk a dog out here.
Tattooed, bare-chested male #2: You cannot! If you bring a dog onto a hot ass fuckin' boardwalk, the heat does not escape through his balls or his tongue. –Coney Island Boardwalk, New York Overheard by: SMS