Mom to little boy: If you keep digging that damn hole, a Chinese man is going to pop out and make you eat rice. –Virginia Beach, Virginia Overheard by: Sheph
Black kid: Damn, I lost my pants.
Mom: Word? –Belmar, New Jersey
Mother: Will you please stop whining?
Small boy: Shut up, Mommy. –Martell’s Tiki Bar, Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey Overheard by: Trystan
Redneck mother: Where’d all this sand come from?
Redneck daughter: Disney, probably. –Daytona Beach, Florida Overheard by: Angela Cimato
Overweight, trashy lady: It’s not hanging out!
Trashy daughter: Mom, yes it is. You can’t wear that kind of suit.
Trashy lady: We just drove two hours to get here, the weather’s not that great, and I can wear a thong if I want to tan my ass whenever I want!
–Rio del Mar, Aptos, California
Overheard by: Melissa
Little girl: Mommy, where’s the rest of your bathing suit?
Mother: It’s called a ‘thong,’ honey.
Little girl: Like that song?
Mother: Yes, honey, just like the song. Little girl hums ‘Thong Song.’ –West Palm Beach, Florida
Drunk mother #1: I met him at a bar. He looked like George Clooney… But we’ll see.
Drunk mother #2: Wait, aren’t you dating someone?
Drunk mother #1: Not anymore. He just doesn’t know it yet. –Daytona Beach, Florida
Mother to five-year-old: I don't want to hear your shit!
–Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: Luminesce
Middle-aged soccer mom, incredulously: There is sand everywhere! (short pause) Like, no kidding!
–Calafia Beach, San Clemente, California
Overheard by: omg, are you kidding?!
Nagging mother to adult daughter, after sniping at her all afternoon: Your best attribute used to be your personality. But with the life you lead, now it's dead.
Adult daughter's husband, without looking up from newspaper: It's not dead, it's just asleep.
–Maguire's Landing, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: oysterwoman