Four-year-old boy, crouched behind a sand wall, yelling at friends running from waves: Hold your positions! I said, “Hold your positions!” –Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Hick tourist, pointing to the ocean: So is that there salt water?
Island Beach State Park worker, after long confused pause: It's the ocean.
Hick tourist: Yeah, but does it like, have salt in it? –Island Beach State Park, New Jersey Overheard by: sick of bennies
Teen girl to teen boy: Well, it ain't gonna lick itself! –Gunnison Beach, Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Guido in wife beater and jeans halfway down his ass: Anal sex hurts me. –Belmar, New Jersey
Girl on cell: Suck a dick! Tell Vanessa to suck a dick too! –Long Branch, New Jersey Overheard by: Mr. Pacman and the Pacman Ghost
Teen girl #1: God, I hate when people bring their cell phones to the beach.
Teen girl #2: I have my cell phone at the beach right now.
Teen girl #1: Me too. –Ocean Beach, New Jersey
Teenage girl: So I’ve decided not to be a slut anymore. –Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey
Chick #1: I hope the water isn’t painfully cold.
Chick #2: Eh, even if it is, pain is weakness leaving the body!
Chick #1: It’s pretty cold.
Chick #2: Yeah…Cold is just heat leaving the body. –Ocean City, New Jersey Overheard by: wading nearby
Chick: I don’t know why you wanted to come to a nudist beach… It’s all old, gay, wrinkled men here. They’re all staring at me and the water is so cold — you look teeny.
Dude: I know, I should have just had you walk around naked at home. –Gunnison Beach, Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Queer #1, holding apple core: Is this biodegradable?
Queer #2, driving: Yes!
Queer #1: Okay! (tosses it out the window) –Sandy Hook, New Jersey