Overheard At The Beach

Archive for the ‘New Jersey’ Category

Wait, So if I Take My Shirt Off, You Can See Through It?

Two girls are dancing in their car, while listening to ‘Boom Boom Boom Boom.’ Driver’s seat: Dude, I wonder if people are staring at us right now.
Passenger’s seat: We’re in a car. No one can see us! We have tinted windows!
Driver’s seat: Dude. All the windows are down. –Spring Lake, New Jersey Overheard by: Thank god I have a high IQ

This Time Jesus Turns the Beer into Fanta Grape

Cop: All right, what’s in the cup?
Young guy: Uh, beer.
Cop: I asked you what’s in the cup. Now give it to me.
Young guy: I just told you, it’s beer!
Cop: You do know it’s illegal to be drinking on the boardwalk, right?
Young guy: It’s soda.
Cop: It’s beer. Give it to me.
Young guy: No! It’s mine!

Young guy runs off with cup.

–Seaside Heights, New Jersey

Overheard by: also kinda drunk

Like When Uncle Walter Touches It

Girl to boyfriend: My vagina is all wet, and not in the good way. –Seaside Heights, New Jersey Overheard by: Thommy

No, No, I Think Paranoid Jealousy is the Appropriate Reaction

Girl #1: But then I thought, ‘Why the hell would he kiss her when he has me?’
Girl #2: Uh, because of the herpes?
Girl #1: Fuck you. –Cape May, New Jersey Overheard by: J.Tro

It's Never Too Early to Tell Someone He Has a Small Penis

Cheesy 15-year-old boy: I can’t believe you were about to go up to him and say that. Ha, ha, ha.
Cheesy 15-year-old girl: Wouldn’t be the first time I made someone cry.
Cheesy 15-year-old boy: You’re a whore. –Ocean City, New Jersey

When the Facts Change, I Change My Mind, Sir. What Do You Do?

Guy: See that dark area in the water slowly moving? It’s a school of fish
Girl: Wow, are you sure?
Guy: Yup — snapper.
Girl: Wow, that’s amazing. [Long pause] How come it’s now on the sand?
Guy: It could also be a cloud. –Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey Overheard by: Rob Kemper

In a Related Story, Keira Knightley Spotted Scouring the Beach for Buried Treasure

Guy: My god, what is that?
Chick: What?
Guy: This thing here. Medical waste is washing up on the shore.
Chick: What are you talking about?
Guy: Right there. It’s a breast implant.
Chick: It’s a jellyfish, you ninny.
Guy: … I wondered why there were so many. –Jersey Shore, New Jersey

Every Drug Needs Evangelists

Girl running along shore: Smoke weed every day!
Black lady on beach blanket: Hallelujah! Come here, baby! Girl runs to black lady, who stands and hugs her and kisses her. Black lady: Smoke weed, God bless you! –Seaside Heights, New Jersey Overheard by: t-money