Archive for the ‘New Jersey’ Category

Every Drug Needs Evangelists

Girl running along shore: Smoke weed every day!
Black lady on beach blanket: Hallelujah! Come here, baby! Girl runs to black lady, who stands and hugs her and kisses her. Black lady: Smoke weed, God bless you! –Seaside Heights, New Jersey Overheard by: t-money

You Know about That?

Guy to pal: Dude, I am pissed. When we were at your mom’s house the other night, she didn’t even give me a taco. That is horse shit. My mom always gives you a taco. –Belmar, New Jersey

Shelby Went Kayaking With the Prince of Darkness and Had a Comparatively Lovely Time

Mother, loudly: Oh my God, get over here! Turn around!
Teen daughter: What! What’s on me?!
Mother: A stretch mark! That’s what! Right there on your hip! You have got to lay off the chips! We are on vacation here. You shouldn’t be stress-eating!
Teen daughter: Mom! Shut up! People can hear you.
Mother: No, no one is listening, and besides, they can all see it, too.
Kayaking instructor: Does everyone have their life vests on? Good now I’d like you all to pair up, and for this first run we are going to pair up with someone you don’t know.
Daughter: Thank God!
Mother: What? –Bayville, New Jersey