Girl: I’m a backpacker, not a real whore. –Coogee Beach, Sydney, Australia
Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category
Plus, We're Always Painfully Candid
Guy #1: I’ve been married for eleven years. My wife and I are always looking for ways to keep our relationship fresh.
Girl: I’ve heard having sex in different rooms of the house helps that.
Guy #2: My wife and I just have sex with different people.
–Santa Monica Pier, California
Old Enough to Die of a Heart Attack During Sex, Old Enough to Have Sex With
A punk passes an 80-year-old woman in a t-shirt emblazoned with the word ‘Hottie.’
Punk: I’d hit it.
–Boardwalk, Ocean City, Maryland
She Could Be a Piñata that Hasn't Been Hung
Guy pointing out girl with tampon string hanging out of her bikini: Dude, that chick is either on her period, or she just fucked a tea bag. –Bronte Beach, Sydney, Australia Overheard by: Hamish The Li
Someone Lost Their Copy of Reader's Digest Best Pick-Up Lines, 1966
Teen out past his bedtime: Hey, I’m not Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock! –Rehoboth Beach, Delaware Overheard by: NerdyChic
…So You're An, Um, Member Of the Same Club.
Frat guy #1: So he was dating her for a whole month before he realized she was a tranny. Even had sex with her twice, no clue.
Frat guy #2: There's no way he didn't know!
Frat guy #1: Well, he was drunk. And you went out with her before he did, so who are you to talk?
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: The WC
A George Clooney Movie and Half a Pint Of Ben and Jerry's?
Girl: Let's eat here, it's better value.
Boy: More satisfying?
Girl: No. What satisfies me, they don't sell here.
–Sushi Bar, Gold Coast, Australia
As Long As You Promise to Stop Saying "Motion Of the Ocean"
Ghetto black girl, about Lil Wayne: Nah, I wouldn't fuck him, he too short!
Ghetto white girl: Shit, he short but I bet he know the motion of the ocean! You know he do! I'd let him in right in me, yeah I would!
–Santa Cruz, California
Assuming You Aren't Consistently Pregnant
16-year-old clerk to man buying tampons: Those for you? (snickers)
Tampon-buying man: No, I have a wife. Don't worry, one day when you are all grown up, you will need these too.
–Grocery Store, Virginia Beach, Virginia
But Now That I Have, I Suspect I'm a Genius
Girl: Instead of “fisting” would elephants do “trunking”?
Guy: Wouldn't that be redundant? You know, trunk… Penis…
Girl: Yeah, maybe trunking is just elephant oral. (pause) That is a sentence I never thought I would ever say.
–Bar Harbor, Maine