Default All Categories > Default

Recent | Best Of

Subcategories: Physical Appearance | 

 

I Like to Talk About Them and Watch for Erections

Girl: I didn't realize my nipples were dark until I went to sleep-away camp and the girls in my tent were like: "Um. Wow." I went topless in Jamaica and they were, like, black when I came back.

--Long Beach, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Colleen


Posted 2008-08-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Anyone Else's Bra Need a Refill?

Golden girl: Excuse me, bartender!
(harried bartender grunts at her)
Golden girl
: Bartender, can I just have an ice cube please?

(harried bartender fills a cup with ice cubes and slams it down in front of her)
Golder girl
: What am I supposed to do with all of these? I just wanted one to put in my bra!


--Colony Hotel, Delray Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Becka Dash


Posted 2008-07-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If Gilligan Could Have a Coconut Radio, Anything's Possible

Chubby man, kicking around the sand: Hey, have you guys seen a set of keys over here?
Asian girl: Um. No. Sorry.
Chubby man: Shit. I must have buried the car keys in the sand on accident. My wife's gonna kill me.
Asian girl: I haven't seen any keys, unfortunately.
Chubby man: Hey, do you think the beach has a Lost and Found box anywhere?

--Big Beach, Maui, Hawaii

Overheard by: Responsible Tourist


Posted 2008-07-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Loss of Virginity's Contagious

[Three ten-year-old boys cycling past the beach.]
Boy #1
: Why you going so fast?!

Boy #2: [Missing front teeth, which makes him lisp.] Becauth he wath fucking her latht night!
Boy #3: What?!!!

--Lake Calhoun Beach, Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: They grow up quickly these days!


Posted 2008-07-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We're a Low-Humidity Race, My Friend

Kid #1: Hey -how you gonna go in the water, come back and be dry already?
Kid #2: Cause I'm black.
Kid #1: [Pause.] Hey, shut up.

--Brighton Beach, New York

Overheard by: Emily


Posted 2008-07-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

An Overabundance of Sand and Sun, for One Thing

Long Island wife: Shawn! Shawn, you idiot, your son wants to come swimming with you!
Long Island husband: Did you just call me an idiot?
[A fight erupts and wife is so upset she starts packing.]
Long Island husband
: What are you doing? You said you wanted to go to the beach today!

Long Island wife: We've been to the beach, and the beach fucking sucks!

--West Palm Beach, Florida

Overheard by: sat near them on the plane going home two days later, too


Posted 2008-07-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Not Slutty If It's in the Name of Science

Teen girl: Of course she will get naked, she is slutty... I will get naked too, next time, but you guys respect me, right? Oh look, there's a nude dude... [Points at stranger.] Want to see if I can get him hard?

--Sandy Hook, New Jersey


Posted 2008-07-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

At the Cultural Stereotype Quarterfinals

Perfect guido #1, intensely: Yo, bro, there is no way dat your granmudda's meatballs are better dan my granmudda's meatballs.
Perfect guido #2: Alright, bro, I'll give you dat much. But my granmudda's marinara sauce will blow your granmudda's outta da saucepan.

--Jones Beach, New York


Posted 2008-07-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Hard to Breathe

20-something girl, coming out of the ocean: This water's salty!

--Myrtle Beach, South Carolina


Posted 2008-07-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A Suck for Breakfast, a Suck for Lunch, and a Sensible Dinner

Boyfriend, offering a sip of shake: Here, have some.
Girlfriend: No, I'm okay.
Boyfriend: Have some, it's protein!
Girlfriend: No! I'll just suck your dick later.
Boyfriend: [Silence.]

--South Beach Florida


Posted 2008-07-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Know You're Black, Right?

Four-year-old girl, playing with bucket in sand: Come play with us!
Four-year-old boy, barely looking up from his inflatable mattress: No, I'm working on my tan.

--Waikiki, Hawaii


Posted 2008-07-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Something Is Making Me Uncomfortable

Boston woman in her late 50s: ... And it's not like it used to be. Jamaica Plain has become so culturally diverse... It's so unfortunate!
Sunburned woman in her late 50s: Um. Where is that sunscreen?

--Surfside Beach, Nantucket, Massachusetts

Overheard by: KP


Posted 2008-07-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Inserted It Into My Vagina

Blonde: So my mom fucked me last night.
Friend: She what?
Blonde: You know, held up her middle finger...
Friend: Um...

--Malibu, California


Posted 2008-07-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Things Went Fine Until She Saw Some Menacing Seaweed

Tourist mom to kids, upon seeing dolphins: Get out of the water! Go, now! Get out! [After seeing everyone else getting in and swimming out.] Never mind, get back in.

--Treasure Island, Florida

Overheard by: Native Floridian


Posted 2008-05-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

He's Kinda Gone Off Me Since He Broke My Seal

Guy #1: What I can't understand is, $5,000 an hour for a hooker? How good can pussy be?
Woman #1: And where did he get that kind of money on a public official's salary?
Guy #2: He could have cruised tenth avenue and gotten the same poontang for twenty bucks.
Woman #2: I don't have to worry about Frank going to hookers. He won't even use a bottle of ketchup if it's already been opened.

--Italian Restaurant, Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Big Larry


Posted 2008-05-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What'd We Tell You About Crying That, Peter?

Man, hearing seagulls: Wolves!

--Upper Hutt, New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty


Posted 2008-05-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Perfect Complement to the Heroin Hut

40-year-old yuppie man: Yeah! I think a detox kiosk is a great idea!

--La Jolla, California

Overheard by: Confetti Bomb


Posted 2008-05-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

"...Hand Over Your Karma and No One Gets Hurt."

Pale nerd to posse: So I took out my super big blue Chakra shotgun and I said...

--Seal Beach, California


Posted 2008-05-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So, This Is Hell?

Formerly smiling lifeguard: Great, I've got bird shit on me, and we have to listen to John Mayer!

--Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina


Posted 2008-05-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Bible Omitted the Serpent's Jet-Ski Pitch

Local dude, trying to get me to buy a jet-ski ride: You can drink and drive. It's paradise!

--Paradise Island, The Bahamas

Overheard by: Drunken Swimmer


Posted 2008-05-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Joe's Mistake Was to Try to Fulfill Both Commands at Once

Man riding away on bike: Oh ya, why don't you come over here and do something about it? Eat shit and fuck your mom!

--Playa Del Rey, CA


Posted 2008-05-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Now That I Have This Inconvenient Infection

Teenage girl: So I've decided not to be a slut anymore.

--Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey


Posted 2008-05-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Wonder If He Realizes He'll Never Go Back?

Skinny white guy, unaware that white girlfriend's huge black brother is walking behind him: I don't know why, but I just really want to fuck a black chick!

--Robert Moses, New York

Overheard by: Zep


Posted 2008-05-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

No, Let's Talk More about the Cheese

Woman: Where are you from?
Twelve-year-old boy: Minnesota.
Woman: Oh, yeah, you have really good cheese there.
Boy: Ummmm...
Woman: Oh, wait. No. That's Wisconsin. They have really good cheese.
Boy: Yeah. They do. But I'm from Minnesota.

--Virginia Beach


Posted 2008-05-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

This Is Where You Realize That's What I've Always Been

Man on a bike, on cell: Is this where you become an evil bitch?

--Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Ilyse


Posted 2008-05-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And When We Get Home, Wash Your Eyes

Sister: Would you like to see some sea life?
Brother, pointing at three women sunbathing topless: Eww, this isn't Europe!
Sister: Eli, just look away.

--Rockway Beach, NY


Posted 2008-05-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Mmm, Damage

Sunbathing girl: Ahhh! Burning sensation!

--Ocean City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Kristin


Posted 2008-05-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

This Is Why You Can't Bring Snips, Snails or Puppy Dog Tails on Planes Anymore

Little boy, wearing a towel as a cape: I'm six! And six-year-old boys are full of poison! I'm gonna bite you! Rawrrr!

--Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Lisita


Posted 2008-05-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Is This Thing On?

Bikini girl #1: Oh my god, he was totally sleeping, and his member was, like, totally awake. Like, hello?!
Bikini girl #2, giggling: Yeah, hello?!
Bikini girl #3, giggling: Hello?!

--Seaside Heights, New Jersey


Posted 2008-04-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

How Jewish Mothers Coddle Their Sons into Gibbering, Bedwetting, Compulsive Masturbators

Mother, dressing son: Wow, your hair dried gorgeously! You're such a Jew.

--Cape Henlopen, Delaware

Overheard by: KDP


Posted 2008-04-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You, Not So Much

Teen girl #1: The sand is so hot!
Teen girl #2: That's why God put the sand near the water.
Teen girl #1: God was a genius!

--Fair Haven Beach, New York

Overheard by: Jane


Posted 2008-04-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Shoulda Trimmed the Beard

Guy: Does my face smell like vagina?
Girl: I doubt it [sniffs his face]. Well, maybe a little.

--Myrtle Beach, South Carolina


Posted 2008-04-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Nude Beach Brain Teaser

Wife: Frank, you heard about the 11 second rule?
Husband, staring at hot nude chick nearby: What?
Wife: The 11 second rule. If the cops catch you staring at breasts for more than 11 seconds, you have to go to jail.
Husband: No way.
Wife: And keep in mind, there are lots of gay men on this beach.

--Race Point Nude Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts


Posted 2008-04-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

She's Never Going to Let That One Go

Girl: You have to take your shoes off to walk in the sand.
Guy: I'll wait until we find a spot.
Girl: What? Walking in the sand with your shoes is like fucking your mom and not cleaning up afterwards.
Guy: Okay, okay!

--Jones Beach, New York

Overheard by: JD


Posted 2008-04-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

To Bring Up Incest Like That

12-year-old boy to boogie boarding pal: You just did a 360! That was so awesome! We should all give you blowjobs for that! Even your brother!
Friend: Dude, you are so gay.

--Monterey Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: Rebecca Anna Smith


Posted 2008-04-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Then It Would Be Lake Superior

Smart guy: The ocean would be so much better if there wasn't salt in it. Then it'd be perfect.

--Old Orchard Beach, Maine

Overheard by: shawshank


Posted 2008-04-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What, You've Never Done Dumbell Curls?

10-year-old girl: My virgin arms! My virgin arms!

--Belmar, New Jersey

Overheard by: Confused


Posted 2008-04-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What about That Guy Standing behind You Right Now Licking Your Asshole?

Woman #1: I haven't had sex in three years.
Woman #2: But what about your friend?
Woman #1: He doesn't count, because I don't enjoy it.

--Brittany Beach, France


Posted 2008-04-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

At 40, after Three Failed In-Vitros, Kassidy Was to Remember This Conversation

Little girl: Are you a mom? You look like a mom.
College student: No. How old do you think I am?
Little girl: Fifteen?

--Palm City, Florida

Overheard by: MBD


Posted 2008-04-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Miss Manners Says as Long as You Ask First, It's Okay

Queer: That guy sooo just checked you out.
Hot chick: Should I go over there and ask to sit on his face?
Queer: Bianca.
Hot chick: What? I'm horny!
Queer: Me, too, now that I think of it.

--Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia


Posted 2008-04-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

How the Johnson Family Bankrupted Frito-Lay

Mom: You cut your finger on a Cheetoh?

--Hotel pool, Lancaster, Pennsylvania


Posted 2008-04-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Chloroform Never Leads to Love

Girl #1: I mean, I could force a relationship right now. I just don't want to.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.
Girl #1: We really don't have that much in common.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.

--Dewey Beach, Rehoboth, Delaware

Overheard by: Alaina


Posted 2008-04-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We'd Be Grifting on the Midway

Tank-topped boardwalk guy to friend: We're a different breed. If we were any closer to circus folk...

--Seaside Heights Boardwalk, Jersey Shore, New Jersey

Overheard by: twoferrets


Posted 2008-04-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Downtown from the South Bronx

Chick: So, you live in the city? Wow, where do you live, downtown?
Thug kid: Yeah, downtown... Well, not exactly downtown. Harlem.

--Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: alison


Posted 2008-04-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And for That Kind of Money We Could Get Laid!

Teen girl: It's so freakin' hot out! What are we gonna do?
Teen guy: We could go on the ferris wheel.
Teen girl: Are you kidding? For all five of us it would cost, like, a hundred dollars!

--Ocean City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Rafaela


Posted 2008-04-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

First Tell Me What You Think a Beach Is

Tourist standing on beach: Excuse me. Can you tell me where the beach is?

--Jones Beach, New York

Overheard by: Shannon


Posted 2008-04-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What You Get for Eating Cafeteria Food

Five-year-old pulling her bottom lip down: I have herpes!

--Seabrook Beach, New Hampshire


Posted 2008-04-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But I'm Breast-Feeding That Conch Shell Over There

Old lady: This isn't a nude beach!
Young lady, sunbathing topless and feigning surprise: Oh, really? Oh, okay...

--Auckland, New Zealand

Overheard by: Shakira


Posted 2008-04-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sniffling, Leroy Cut the Cards

Seven-year-old boy: Dad! Dad! Dad! It's time to go back to the room. I need to put on underwear -- I'm starting to chafe!
Dad: Good for you. Now go back out there and deal [continues smoking his cigar].

--21st Street Beach, Ocean City, Maryland


Posted 2008-04-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'm Working My Way Up to an Entire Udder

Young mother #1: I am just so pissed that I have to wait until Wednesday to find out if I'm pregnant or not. I really want to go out drinking tonight.
Young mother #2: So? I never let that hold me back.
Young mother #1: Yeah, that's gotta be why little Eric* has a third nipple.

--Sachuest Beach, Newport, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Rebecca


Posted 2008-04-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Florida Lies Outside the Normal Space-Time Continuum

20-ish blonde: What time is it in Florida?

--Ocean City, New Jersey


Posted 2008-04-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Can't Seriously Expect Frank to Give Up a Possible Bite Just to Save Someone

Redneck girl: Frank was out fishing with the guy who drowned yesterday.
Redneck boyfriend: Did he try to save him?
Redneck girl: No, he was fishing -- I told you. He thought he had one on the line.
Redneck boyfriend: Did he?
Redneck girl: No, it was just the water.
Redneck boyfriend: I thought you were gonna say it was the guy who drowned.

--Holland State Park, Michigan

Overheard by: Townie


Posted 2008-04-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just Wait 'til Prom, Buddy

Teen boy, looking at boogie board: Oh, man... My nipples are gonna get it.

--Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Kate H


Posted 2008-04-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

They Never Listen, Though

Guy: I'm coming! I'm coming! Be gentle!

--Through a motel wall, Cape May, New Jersey


Posted 2008-04-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Catholic Church's Last-Ditch Ad Campaign

Girl #1: Man, I think I got a yeast infection from that dude.
Girl #2: That fucking sucks.
Girl #1: Tell me about it. Getting laid is killing my sex life.

--Long Beach, California

Overheard by: hillary claire


Posted 2008-03-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Have Had It with This Porn Shoot!

Girl #1: That motherfucker is totally going to hit us with his ball.
Girl #2: Assholes... They just don't know how to act.
Girl #1: Yeah, man. Shit, where's my top?

--Atlantic City, New Jersey


Posted 2008-03-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

No, My Family Comes to See Me

Old man #1: This one girl, she let me play with myself.
Old man #2: Oh, yeah?
Old man #1: Yeah... And some of them even let you touch their tits.
Old man #2: Do you still go to Long Island for that?

--Compo Beach, Westport, Connecticut

Overheard by: Forgot my iPod


Posted 2008-03-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

[Sigh] I Jack Off to Ideas a Lot

30-ish guy #1: I see you're sporting the side ponytail.
30-ish girl: Just for you!
30-ish guy #2: Yeah, I bet you're gonna jack off to that side ponytail.
30-ish guy #1: No! I jack off to the idea of the side ponytail. They're coming back, I tell ya!

--Summerfest, Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Overheard by: the only sober person there


Posted 2008-03-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'll Only Kiss You in Public Restrooms and Camera-Free Elevators

Chick #1: Why didn't you kiss me at the pool?!
Chick #2: Because I don't want to have an open relationship with you!

--Myrtle Beach, South Carolina


Posted 2008-03-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Purpose-Driven Life Made a Huge Impression on Me

Drunk girl: My goal is to win a wet T-shirt contest so I can win two hundred dollars and get a tattoo... I could never get naked, but I would if I had to.

--Ft. Walton Beach, Florida

Overheard by: If I didn't have to work the next day, I'd have invited her to party


Posted 2008-03-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Stay Out of Iowa

Black guy playing drums, smiling at toddler nearby: Hi, sweetie. What you thinkin'? [Passing white lady tourist takes picture, and black guy frowns.] I respect you, too! Do I take a picture of you at the insurance office in Iowa?!
White lady tourist: Well, I--
Black guy: --Step off, bitch! [Turns back to little girl] Don't grow up to be like her, baby girl.

--Venice Beach, California

Overheard by: This place sure has changed since the 80s


Posted 2008-03-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Loved the Clown Noses on the Nipples, by the Way

Drunk girl who just flashed her tits: Here, I'll show you, but I know you're going to laugh.
Bouncer: Like I'm gonna laugh at your ID -- I just saw your tits!

--Outside Mercury Bar, Honolulu, Hawaii

Overheard by: Here tits were pretty funny


Posted 2008-03-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Bush Surrendered Cheney Almost Immediately

Man: ... So I just walked out of there with two heads of cabbages and a hand full of cash... And I walked up to him and said, 'Give me that goat!'

--Restaurant, Mammoth, California


Posted 2008-03-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Jonathan Richman: Hey, He Was Never Called an Asshole!

Skater punk to another: Dude, seriously, fuck Picasso.

--Venice Beach, California


Posted 2008-03-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Trevor Begins to Have Trouble Sleeping

Guy: There is nothing worse than having sand in your crotch.
Girl: What about a machete in your crotch?

--Sydney, Australia


Posted 2008-03-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

People Pee in Bathrooms at the Beach?

Big mama in bathroom stall with daughter: Hurry up and pee!
Young girl: Mommy, I can't pee with other people around!
Big mama: Honey, if and when you go to jail, you gonna hafta pee in front of other people.

--Scarborough Beach, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Riley


Posted 2008-03-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Sometimes from Places As Far-Flung As England

Bimbette: Yeah, I love that show. They show clips from all around the world like Britain and the UK and stuff.

--Pacific Beach, San Diego, California

Overheard by: Sarah


Posted 2008-03-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Dear Folks, Won Another Argument. Best Vacation Ever!

Worldly hippie: So, my goal right now is pretty much to take the time to watch the sunset every day, because, you know, there aren't that many.
Vacationing New Yorker: What is there more of than sunsets?

--Goa, India

Overheard by: Iman


Posted 2008-03-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Translation: They Have the Best Coke

Dude #1: So, whatever happened to that stripper you were dating?
Dude #2: It's over. I think it's a bad idea to date strippers. You realize there's a good reason they're strippers, then it fucks it up every time you go back. It's like, you look at these hotties and imagine all the possibilities, but now, after dating enough strippers, you realize the possibilities include consoling her drunk ass as she cries about being abused as a child while she lines up another rail of coke, then tells you her secret fantasy is to see you get nailed in the ass by another dude!
Dude #1: I still want to date one.
Dude #2: ... Yeah, they're fun.

--LaHaina's, Mission Beach, California

Overheard by: sean


Posted 2008-03-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

On Landlines, Mostly

Ditzy chick: What are you doing today?
Skater kid: Chillin' like a villain.
Other girl: The '90s called - they want 'Chillin' like a villain' back.
Ditzy chick: How do the '90s call?

--Ventnor, New Jersey


Posted 2007-01-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Samuel Beckett Was Tanning Nearby, and the Rest Is History

Old lady at car: Henry, wait for me!
Old man carrying beach chairs half a block ahead of her: Dammit, Agnes, I'm going! I've been waiting for you for 40 years!

--Beach near Naples, Florida

Overheard by: X


Posted 2007-01-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

There Are No Poisonous Cows, Mom

Little boy pointing to portabella mushroom: Mommy, what's that?
Tired mother: It's a mushroom. Someday I'm going to make you a hamburger for dinner, but instead of meat, it's going to have one of those mushrooms in it.
Little boy looking back at mushroom, terrified: Why would you do that?!

--Beachside Produce Plus, Melbourne Beach, Florida


Posted 2007-01-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Time to Invest in a Bathtub?

Dude: This beach trip has been so awesome!
Chick: We've been here all week, and you haven't walked down to the beach once.
Dude: Yeah, but it's great to just sit around, drink, and get high.
Chick: You do that at home.
Dude: But I can see the water from the window. At home all I see is the parking lot.

--Nags Head, North Carolina


Posted 2007-01-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Hope You're Studying up for Thursday's Dung-Flinging Quiz

Professor to group of girls covered in whitish goo: What happened to you?
Girl #1: Egg sac war.
Girl #2 and Girl #3: Yeah.
Professor: ... Ugh.
Guy: I love this class.

--Fort DeSoto Beach, Florida

Overheard by: There's nothing like lab in the field


Posted 2007-01-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Problems That Can Be Solved by Beer

Reporter: Hey girls, do you have anything you want to say to the camera?
Drunk girl #1: Hi, mum... I'm not that drunk...
Drunk girl #2: And I'm still a virgin!

--Schoolies Week, Gold Coast, Australia


Posted 2006-12-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

No, Just My Mom

Dude: Hey, where do you girls go for fun? [They ignore him.] You're just gonna ignore me? Not a 'Fuck you'? Nothing? Bitch!
Chick: You kiss your dick with that mouth?

--Montego Bay, Jamaica


Posted 2006-12-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Not the Exciting Kind

Little girl: What does that sign mean?
Father: That means 'Pedestrians,' sweetie.
Little girl: Are we pedestrians?
Father: Yes, we are.
Little girl: Oh... I thought we were Catholics.

--Beach near Amsterdam, North Holland, Netherlands

Overheard by: Daan


Posted 2006-12-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

From This Month's Negligent Mother Magazine

20-something trailer park chick: This one time I was napping, and I just let the baby crawl around the house. I woke up 'cause I felt this tug on the blankets, and I look down and she was makin' this choking sound! So I beat on her back, right, and this penny came out. When my husband came home I was like, 'You can't be leavin' change lyin' around the house!' But, you know, I just knew something was wrong. Just the way she was tugging on my blankets and that sound she was making, I just knew. It's that mother-daughter thing, you know?

--Palm Beach Shores, Florida

Overheard by: Ethan


Posted 2006-12-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

With Really Nice Tits

Guy #1: Dude, dude! Tits.
Guy #2: Where?

Guy #1 motions to a topless sunbather.

Guy #2: Dude. That's a guy.

--Miami, Florida


Posted 2006-12-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Liv Tyler: As Long As They Don't Find Out I'm Secretly Asian

Mother: Both of my daughters are allowed to marry Orlando Bloom if they ever want to. That is one gorgeous boy.
Father: Who's Orlando Bloom?
Daughter #1: An elf.
Mother: No, he's not.
Daughter #2: Yes, he is -- he was Legolas in the Lord of the Rings.
Father: The elf was played by a black man?

--Carolina Beach, North Carolina


Posted 2006-12-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When Couples Get Divorced, It Is Truly the Children Who Suffer

Girl: So, when Daddy said that his girlfriend was coming to stay the night it was a bad thing?
Mother: Yes, dear.
Girl: Does this mean I get two Christmases and two birthdays, like Ashlee?

--Parua Bay, New Zealand

Overheard by: naughtygurl


Posted 2006-12-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Think We Should Fly South with the Flock?

Bimbette to friend: Why is it so cold? It's a beach!
Passerby: Yeah, a beach in November... Dipshit.

--Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: dr. obvious


Posted 2006-12-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Didn't Bring Enough for Everyone

Teen girl #1: Are you done yet?
Teen girl #2: Still haven't done it yet... By the way, you might not want to get in the way of the current!
Boy: Gross! She's peeing!
Teen girl #2: Shhh! Everyone can hear you!

--Long Beach Island, New Jersey


Posted 2006-12-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Your Father Couldn't Find My Bottom with Both Hands

Little boy to mom: Don't touch me! Only Daddy can touch me. [Mom picks boy up.] I'm going to make Daddy spank you right on your bottom!

--Virginia Beach, Virginia


Posted 2006-12-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

They Call Themselves the 'Unitarians'

Hippie chick #1: He's doing fantastic.
Hippie chick #2: Really?
Hippie chick #1: Yeah, his family was really worried about him for a while, but he's fine now... He's, like, the leader of some cult in the valley.
Hippie chick #2: Good for him.

--Venice Beach, California


Posted 2006-12-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Her Tat Actually Says 'Stay the Hell Out'

Dude #1: I bet I can make Jill* show us her cooter right here on the beach.
Dude #2: No way.
Dude #1: Twenty bucks says I can.
Dude #2: You're on.
Dude #1: Hey, Jill, I hear you have a tattoo above your vagina that says 'Come on in.'
Jill: What?! What kind of skank do you think I am?
Dude #1: Well, I don't. That's what I heard.
Jill: Okay, I'll show you when we get back to the room.
Dude #1: You'll forget. Do it now. No one's watching. [Jill lowers her bikini bottom.] I'm going to tell that person to stop telling lies about you.

--Destin, Florida


Posted 2006-12-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Now If You Could Just Do Something about the Height of Your Waistband

Old man: Honey, do you feel better now that I've started wearing shorter socks?

--Bethany Beach, Delaware


Posted 2006-12-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It Was America's Funniest Home Intercourse

College chick on cell: I'm like, 'Why do I have to have dreams about us breaking up? Why can't I have dreams like I used to... Like when I was fucking Bob Saget?'

--Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Overheard by: Ava


Posted 2006-12-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

His Wife Split with It

Man on cell: What? What's up with the banana skirt? How come I don't get a banana skirt?

--Waikiki, Honolulu, Hawaii


Posted 2006-12-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Hey, You're Hot -- I'm Just Saying You're Skanky

Dude stopping intense make-out: Um, you're not gonna tell anyone about this...
Chick: What?!
Dude: Well, I mean, look at you...
Chick: I'm going to tell your mom about this.

--Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Mik


Posted 2006-12-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Unless There's More to the Story?

Daughter to mother: You yell at me for saying 'munted,' 'fucked,' 'wasted,' and 'shafted,' because you say they all mean 'having sex.' So for the love of god, when you tell that story will you stop saying you were 'stiffed' by an old lady?!

--New Zealand


Posted 2006-12-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What Happens When You Take Sex Ed in North Carolina

Girl #1: Oh, man! So, for Christmas my dad is letting me get my cartilidge pierced! I'm so excited!
Girl #2: Oh, man, that's so cool! I want to get mine done, too.
Girl #1: Yeah, I'll only ever get my ears pierced. Everything else is so gross and weird.
Girl #3: Yeah, well, I have my clit pierced -- do you think that's weird?
Girl #2: What's a clit?

--Nags Head, North Carolina


Posted 2006-12-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Google: You'll Need Us to Describe How Good We Are

Hot chick: Like, oh my god, Sarah -- just Google 'How an ugly girl can seduce a hot guy.'
Ugly chick: What's so good about Google anyway?
Hot chick: Like, oh my god -- it's like, well... Google!

--Glenelg, Australia


Posted 2006-12-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Tonight's Movie: When Harry Punched Sally

Boy: I think what you just said is racism.
Biotech: I'll give you racism, you black bitch.

--Williamstown, Melbourne, Australia

Overheard by: knee coal


Posted 2006-12-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Insensitive Bastards

Chick #1: Oh my god, look at that Will*! Isn't he hot? He's wearing a sweater, and it's boiling!
Chick #2: Nah, junkies can't feel.

--St. Kilda Beach, Melbourne, Australia

Overheard by: knee coal


Posted 2006-12-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Another Round of 'Two Truths and a Lie'

Jersey girl: I never understood the Jersey Shore -- the water is dirty and the streets are trashy.
Dude: Just like the girls here, dirty and trashy.
Jersey girl: Yeah, but at least we have good hair.

--Ocean Grove, New Jersey


Posted 2006-12-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What? A Butt's a Butt, Right?

Dude #1, looking at girl's butt: I'd say about a six.
Dude #2: Yeah... Out of a hundred!
Dude #1: Okay, fine. What about her... Eight?
Dude #2: Nah.
Dude #1: Well, what do you think?
Dude #2: That man's about an eight.
Dude #1: Dude...

--Gold Coast, Australia


Posted 2006-12-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

This Was No Boating Accident!

Lifeguard #1: So, what would you do if somebody came to you with a bat bite?
Lifeguard #2: Ummm... Clean up the wound, I guess.
Lifeguard #1: [Long pause] What would you do for someone with a clown bite?

--Echo Lake, Maine


Posted 2006-12-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But You Had a Kid, Mary!

Bitchy friend: ... So then we took a vote, and you're the biggest slut out of all of us.
Girl: But I'm the only virgin.
Bitchy friend: We know.

--Kingston Beach, Washington


Posted 2006-12-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Time to Go Back in the Water, Sweetie

Little girl: Guess what Daddy told me, Mommy!
Mother: What's that?
Little girl: When you sweat, it's like your skin is peeing all over you!

--Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Mandy


Posted 2006-11-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It Would Have Had the Same Effect on My Cock

Chick: I don't know why you wanted to come to a nudist beach... It's all old, gay, wrinkled men here. They're all staring at me and the water is so cold -- you look teeny.
Dude: I know, I should have just had you walk around naked at home.

--Gunnison Beach, Sandy Hook, New Jersey


Posted 2006-11-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

God Rolls an Icy White Blanket over the Water -- Like a Pool Tarp

Tourist: What do they do with the beach in the winter?

--Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Travis


Posted 2006-11-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

He Sinks Three-Quarters of the Way Through Every Voyage

Dude: That's why they call me 'the Titanic.'
Chick: They don't call you 'the Titanic.'

--Santa Monica, California

Overheard by: Ana


Posted 2006-11-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Get Back in the Dating Pool

Teen girl: I heard there are sharks in the lake.
Teen boy: That's probably not true.
Teen girl: It's true. Like, somebody got killed here by a shark.
Teen boy: I think you have upstate New York confused with anywhere with a shoreline.
Teen girl: But...
Teen boy: 'But'-nothing if you wanna get fucked later.

--Lake George, New York


Posted 2006-11-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But Everyone Knows It's Minerals That Are the Real Challenge

Man: It was really impressive to do that with vegetables.

--Weymouth, Dorset, United Kingdom

Overheard by: Carolyn & Clare


Posted 2006-11-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

In Other Words, She'd Fuck Him Jewish

Dude: You know you're turning me on, right?
Hootchie: Do you want me to stop?
Dude: No. No, I don't.
Hootchie: If you didn't have a girfriend, I'd fuck you so hard you wouldn't recognize Jesus.

--Newport, Oregon

Overheard by: Sonora


Posted 2006-11-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Tell You What: Give Your Money to Me, and Then You'll Have Genuine Motivation to Steal

Jersey girl: Why do we have to be all ghetto and start stealing stuff when we have money?

--Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: alison


Posted 2006-11-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A Car That Runs on Water

Mother to teen daughter: I want the stuff they won't let you buy.

--Medicine aisle of supermarket, Bethany Beach, Delaware


Posted 2006-11-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

'Except for Comedians'? Ahahaha! Genius!

Bostonian #1: I was thinking I should try out for Saturday Night Live or somethin'.
Bostonian #2: Yeah, you should, Vin. You are funny!
Bostonian #1: Yeah, I know! I mean, who's funnier than me? Except for, you know, comedians.

--South Beach, Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts

Overheard by: luna


Posted 2006-11-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

How J-Lo Can You Go?

Hootchie #1: You can totally see my ass-crack in these jeans -- what do you think?
Hootchie #2: Ass-crack is the new cleavage.

--San Diego, California

Overheard by: AP


Posted 2006-11-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Were Listening to Coldplay

Teen boy: Fucking faggots!
Queer: How can he tell I'm gay?
Lesbo: How can he tell I'm a lesbian? What, do we exude a flamboyantly-homosexual aura or something? Fuck, we're cuddling with a member of the opposite gender, and people still know we're gay! Damn, it's like P.E. class all over again.

--Delta, British Columbia, Canadia


Posted 2006-11-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Before or after They Take Care of Joanie's Really Bad Slut Problem?

Walking vendor: Oh, I know you! I fucked your sister on your front lawn! Your parents have a really bad grub problem. They should take care of that.

--Charlestown, Rhode Island


Posted 2006-11-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Of All the Fluids You've Rubbed Over My Back, This One Grosses You Out?

Queer #1 reaching for sunscreen: Okay, I need someone to do my back!
Queer #2: Ewww.
Queer #1: Oh, shut up you skanky-ass, motherfucking whore!

--Cherry Grove Beach, Fire Island, New York

Overheard by: Marizzle


Posted 2006-11-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Aren't You Guys a Little Young for a Suicide Pact?

Kid #1: Wanna make a sand castle?
Kid #2: I don't like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go swimming?
Kid #2: I don't like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go eat ice cream?
Kid #2: Wanna go die?

--Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Mandy


Posted 2006-11-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Mostly a Pro Forma Request

Mom: Are you ready to go?
Little girl: No!
Mom: Okay, let's go!

--Sarasota, Florida

Overheard by: wondering why she bothered to ask


Posted 2006-11-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Speaking of Slapping Bitches...

Girl #1: She's such a ditz. She's in a band called 'Bitch Slap,' and they all wear matching shirts that say 'Bitch Slap.'
Girl #2: They do not!
Girl #1: They do so!
Girl #2: They do not!
Girl #1: They do so!
Girl #2: They do not!
Girl #1: They do so!
Girl #2: They do not!

--Coffs Harbour, Australia


Posted 2006-11-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Yes, Just Keep It Away from My Nipples

Dude #1: That girl is hot!
Dude #2: I'd like to duct tape her to a chair!
Dude #2's girlfriend: You're into that?

--Dewey Beach, Delaware


Posted 2006-11-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Girls: Yes, We'll be 'Right Back'

Bike kid #1: Where are you going? The girls are coming right back!
Bike kid #2: I'm going to get gum.
Bike kid #1 to bike kid #3: We're never bringing him to fucking Wawa again!

--Cape May, New Jersey

Overheard by: DennyCrane


Posted 2006-11-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Plus, 13 Is an Unlucky Number

Creepster: Her dad says I'm too old to be hitting on a 13-year-old girl, so I do the math. But if you let them get their belly button pierced, they are going to get attention.

--St. Simon's Island, Georgia

Overheard by: Dragoman


Posted 2006-11-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But Then You Could Tuck Your Shorts under Them

Teen chick #1: I might want boobs like that.
Teen chick #2: Yeah, but then they'd get old and saggy.

--Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: I.S.


Posted 2006-11-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When Shown an Issue of Maxim, He Discovered He Was Mistaken

Queer looking at screaming queer in water: Maybe I'm not gay.

--Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: laughing entirely too much


Posted 2006-11-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Don't Forget to Ask Dad If He Wants a Turn Riding It

Little girl #1: Britney*, what are you doing?
Little girl #2: Building sand boobies.
Little girl #1: You know, you can turn the boobies into testicles and we can make a giant sand penis.
Little girl #2: Okay, cool.

--Biloxi, Mississippi

Overheard by: Lori Lou Who


Posted 2006-11-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When He Does Return, Keith Richards Will Have Much to Answer for

Middle-aged lady #1: He keeps calling me on the cell phone telling me he'll be right there and I'm like, 'I've been waiting 25 years, I'm leaving!'
Middle-aged lady #2: And my poor granddaughter is there, and we're all hugging on each other...

--Cabrillo Beach, California

Overheard by: confused


Posted 2006-11-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If You Listen Closely, You Can Hear Her Brain Going Snap, Crackle, Pop

Chick #1: Hey, have you heard of those Rice Krispie treats? They're awesome. They should so make a cereal out of those or something!
Chick #2: You dumbass, they are cereal!
Chick #1: Oh...

--Robert Moses Beach, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: i like rice krispies


Posted 2006-10-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But Only at First

Short girl: I would make a really awkward stripper.
Taller girl: Ummm... What?
Short girl: No, seriously! Like, think about it -- if I was up there stripping, I would be like half the size of all the other girls... My head would be in the same spot as their, you know... And that's awkward.

--Bayfront, Hamilton, Ontario, Canadia


Posted 2006-10-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Keep Waiting for Them to Slip up and Not Consider Something, Man, but They Never Do!

Stoner #1: Man I love NPR. That All Things Considered shit is so freaking good.
Stoner #2: I know, right? It's like they don't not consider anything.
Stoner #3: Ummm... Yeah, it's exactly like that.

--Clearwater Beach, Florida

Overheard by: That little broad


Posted 2006-10-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Sun Finally Finished with That Chick

White muscle head to black muscle head friend: Hey, bro! You got tan! How'd you do that?

--Robert Moses State Park, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Cara


Posted 2006-10-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Anyway, All Those Asian Countries Look Alike

Chick #1: So, where are you going for your trip?
Chick #2: Thailand!
Chick #1: Cool! I worked with a guy from Korea once!
Chick #2: Ummm, yeah, that's not the same, really.
Chick #1: It's not? Oh... Things must be different now than from when he lived there.

--Pacific Beach, San Diego, California

Overheard by: American Goods


Posted 2006-10-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

In Fact, I'll Just Tell People at Yoga Class I Read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Ditz #1: I would love to be a Buddhist.
Ditz #2: Yeah, it's really spiritual.
Ditz #1: Yeah, all the meditating and stuff...
Ditz #2: Yeah...
Ditz #1: ... But not a full Buddhist -- that would be boring.
Ditz #2: Yeah, just do it for the yoga and stuff.

--Jetty Road, Glenelg, Australia


Posted 2006-10-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Stupid Man, the Correct Response Is 'Because You're Here, Blondie'

Bimbette: What is it about the beach that attracts sunlight?
Guy: Attracts sunlight?
Bimbette: Yeah, it's always sunnier at the beach.
Guy: Uh, maybe you need to sit in the shade for a while.

--Sandy Point State Park, Maryland


Posted 2006-10-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If the Potential Margin of Error Is More Than 20 Lbs, She Isn't Cute

Carnie kid: Yo, my friend over there thinks you're cute.
Girl: Uh... okay.
Carnie kid: He wants to guess your weight.

--Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: carnie lover


Posted 2006-10-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Either That or a Fireman's Ball

Walkie-talkie guy #1: What's going on?! Why are all of the fire trucks going to the north end?
Walkie-talkie guy #2: There was probably some sort of emergency!

--Cape May, New Jersey


Posted 2006-10-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

He Can Only be Killed with a Graphics Card Through the Heart

Wet teen boy #1, rubbing eyes: My eyes hurt.
Wet teen boy #2: From the salt?
Wet teen boy #1: Nah. I've been outside for two days. They're used to video game light only.

--Bradley Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: long time mom


Posted 2006-10-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So My Strategy is to Throw Money at It and Run Away as Fast as I Can

Walker #1: So I think I am going to train for the LA marathon.
Walker #2: Really? What's the cause?
Walker #1: Well, it's for AIDS. Not that I have AIDS, nor know anyone who does.
Walker #2: Yeah, well, we all know AIDS is bad.

--Olympic & La Cienega Park, Los Angeles, California


Posted 2006-10-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Seventeen is Impressive, Yet Believable. 20 is Just Silly

Boy #1: Are you gonna use your real age or your fake age?
Boy #2: I'm gonna say I'm 20.
Boy #1: Fuck that! I'm saying 17.
Boy #3: I'm so wasted I can hardly ride my bike.

--Foster Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Beach Comber


Posted 2006-10-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

She Needs to Go to a PFLAG Meeting

Mom hands little boy a hot dog.

Little boy: Oh, thank you, Lord!
Mother: I am not the Lord!
Little Boy: Well, thanks, Mom.
Mother: I hate you.

--North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Sitting nearby, LOLing.


Posted 2006-10-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Fertility Clinic's New Mascot Fails to Resonate with Focus Groups

Hipster chick: That sperm dude is so anal.

--Bondi Beach, Australia

Overheard by: excellent


Posted 2006-10-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

This Pick-Up Line Works Better with His Own Sex

Duke guy: Have you read Rebecca?
Duke girl: Of Sunnybrook Farm?

--Myrtle Beach, South Carolina


Posted 2006-10-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Girls Have Always Put up with a Lot of Shit from Boys

Guy #1: Dude, but she is so annoying.
Guy #2: Yeah I know what you mean, but what else can you do?
Guy #1: I dunno, dude, but I'm not gonna take a shit on her. That's freaking weird! I'm not into that!
Guy #2: Yeah, I guess.

--Manasquan Inlet Beach, New Jersey


Posted 2006-10-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Don't Know -- Last Night You Said the Same Thing about Vomiting

Girl: We have to start drinking. It's the only thing that will make us feel normal.

--Santa Barbara, California

Overheard by: Amy


Posted 2006-10-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

All the Good Indentured Servitude Positions Have Been Outsourced to India

American girl #1: You know what I want to get while I'm here in India? A Sherpa. That would be so cool.
American girl #2: What's a Sherpa?
American girl #1: It's, like, a people endemic to the Himalayas. You can buy one, and they carry your stuff for you.
American girl #2: Oooh, that sounds nice!

--Goa, India

Overheard by: Wish I were Canadian


Posted 2006-10-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You'd Still Have a Hard Time Scoring

Anorexic girl: I wish I had AIDS. I hear you lose a lot of weight that way.

--San Francisco, California

Overheard by: so not PC


Posted 2006-10-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's When Atlantic City Empties Its Septic Tanks

Little girl: Mom, the water is cold.
Mom: Well, honey, it's only August. When we come back in September, the water will be much much warmer.

--Ocean City, New Jersey


Posted 2006-10-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Concur! Can You Fathom or Even Credit His Total Aphasia?

Teen #1: So he's like, "nuh uh," and I'm like, "uh huh," and he's like, "nuh uh," and I'm like, "um... uh huh," and he's like, "nuh uh."
Teen #2: No way!
Teen #1: Way.

--Golden Gardens, Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Translater Please!


Posted 2006-10-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And That's How Johnny Cash Got the Idea for 'Delia's Gone'

Little sister: Bury me! Bury me!
Big brother: No, I can't marry you. That'd be disgusting.
Little sister: BURY me!
Big brother: No, no, I can't marry you! Stop it!
Little sister: I said BURY me, stupid!

--Orchard Beach, New York

Overheard by: Anais Borg-Marks


Posted 2006-10-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Gidget Goes Commutative

Chick: Fifteen hundred isn't a lot. That's like a thousand... and five hundred.

--Good Harbor Beach, Gloucester, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Alexis


Posted 2006-10-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Like Douching While Watching Brad Pitt Strip

Girl #1: Great, now we can't go swimming.
Girl #2: Why not?
Girl #1: 'Cause it's raining. That'd be, like, double wet.
Girl #2: Oh.

--Ocean Grove Beach, Australia

Overheard by: Alex


Posted 2006-10-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

In the Ass

Sorority girl: He's fucking GAY! How the fuck am I supposed to fuck a fucking gay guy?!

--Galveston, Texas


Posted 2006-10-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That was a Platonic Blow Job

JAP #1: So yeah, Aaron* and Rachel* hooked up last night.
JAP #2: Oh my god! What a fucking slut!
JAP #1: Didn't you and Rachel give Aaron a blow job last week, at the same time?
JAP #2: Yeah, so... Your point?
JAP #1: Oh, nevermind... Just wanted to know what you thought was slutty and what wasn't.

--Boca Beach Club, Boca Raton, Florida

Overheard by: glad i picked the boca hotel to stay at..


Posted 2006-10-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

He'll Go Far with Talent Like That

Little boy #1: It's my turn to use the boogie board! Mom said you have to share!
Little boy #2: Oh yeah? Well, too bad, 'cause I'm not gonna share!
Little boy #1: Oh yeah? Well, I just peed in your wetsuit!

--Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: RPLB 2000


Posted 2006-10-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Hanging Ten (Inches)

Girl: They look so much bigger when you're on your knees!... Um, I meant the waves.

--Loon Point, Summerland, California

Overheard by: likes big waves


Posted 2006-10-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Tie Goes to the Hungriest

Thin little girl: Let me see it! Let me see it!
Fat little girl: No! MY dead fish!

--Lake Erie, Monroe, Michigan

Overheard by: sandra g


Posted 2006-10-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Pause was to Think about It

Teen boy: Yo, you're hot. How old are you?
Girl: Eleven. But I'm turning twelve in three days.
Teen boy: ... Bye.

--Emerald Isle, North Carolina


Posted 2006-10-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Can I Play with Them?

Young boy, to buxom woman: Are those balls in your bathing suit?

--Reservoir, Arlington, Massachusetts

Overheard by: TC Ledger


Posted 2006-10-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Right Next to the Vagel and Cream Cheese

Little girl: Mommy! Mommy! I can see...
MILF, rummaging in beach bag: Calm down, sweetie. Take a deep breath and tell me exactly what you see.
Little girl: I can see... your... bagina.

--Penscola Beach, Florida


Posted 2006-10-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Have to Tell You, I Don't See a Downside to Any of That

Perv #1: Dude, check out that girl!
Perv #2: Which one?
Perv #1: Over there, in the yellow suit!
Perv #2: What? She can't be more than twelve!
Perv #1: Dude, I would totally do her!
Perv #2: You need help, man. She doesn't even have tits.
Perv #1: I'm not a titty man.
Perv #2: Yeah, well, your boyfriend in prison will be glad to hear that.

--Island Beach State Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: Steve


Posted 2006-10-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Little Guilty Knowledge There, Bro?

Tween in one-piece: Amber's parents let her wear a bikini.
Dad: But her parents love her.
Teen brother: No, they don't. She's just a 10-year-old slut.

--Lake Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canadia

Overheard by: Jenny


Posted 2006-10-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Admire His Persistence, But I Am Beginning to Chafe

Asian girl: He fell in my hole and won't get out!

--Long Beach, New York


Posted 2006-10-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Mean Emo? Because That's Not Rock

Dude: I'm looking for a rock that represents me.

--Sandy Neck Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Katherine


Posted 2006-10-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Somehow That Makes It Much Worse

Tween boy #1: Dude, I'm gonna cleave the beaver.
Tween boy #2: When?
Tween boy #1: Tonight.
Tween boy #2: Sweet. You'll have to tell me how the beaver tastes.
Passerby: Do you even know what a beaver is?
Tween boy #2: Yeah, it's an animal, stupid.

--Beaver Island State Park, Grand Island, New York


Posted 2006-10-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

God: Who Are You Kidding? I Get This Stuff at Costco

Girl: It's so nice out today. I love natural wind.

--Hilton Head Island, South Carolina

Overheard by: Lindsay


Posted 2006-10-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Last Summer She Tried to Get Hawaii to Come About

Woman: Excuse me, is that Catalina?
Man: No, Catalina is over there.
Woman: Oh, well, what island is that?
Man: Um, that's a ship.

--Palos Verdes, California


Posted 2006-10-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Beginning to Regret the Decision to Have Children Late in Life

Child: Mommy, how old are you?
Mother: I am forty.
Child: [counting on fingers] Jeez, Mommy, you're running out of numbers.

--Myrtle Beach, South Carolina


Posted 2006-10-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

No, that was Tokyo -- Tampa is 'Dirty Sanchezes'

Guy #1: Oh, shit, I just realized we're in Tampa!
Guy #2: So?
Guy #1: Tampa!
Guy #2: Oh, bukkake, right?

--St. Petersburg Beach, Florida


Posted 2006-10-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

In the Same Way That Televangelists Heal

Little boy: Mom, Jewish people are from the desert, right?
Mom: Yeah.
Little boy: So why are they in Miami?
Mom: The beach is like a desert -- with water, though.
Little boy: Oh. What about black people?
Mom: Sweetie, they're just tan. They're all just tan. Now go play. [pause] It's like I'm healing the world.

--Miami, Florida


Posted 2006-10-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Hear That AIDS You in Your Pursuit of Contraception

Guy #1: Eh, to be honest, with as much as I've been laid, I've probably got a kid somewhere.
Guy #2: You need to practice safe sex. Put it in her pooper.

--Pismo Beach, California

Overheard by: Walking by in disbelief


Posted 2006-10-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What About the Facial You Can Just Wipe Off?

Tan chick: But if we go to the spa, I don't want them to facial my tan away!

--Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts

Overheard by: hb


Posted 2006-10-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Oh, Yes, Roger, Never Have I Seen a Bigger Logical Fallacy!

Ugly teen girl: Don't compromise your morals! That's the thing about debate camp. It makes people attractive that you wouldn't normally find attractive.

--Santa Monica, California

Overheard by: glad I chose soccer camp


Posted 2006-10-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Time to Install More RAM

Jock #1: Woah! I am so down for some volleyball!
Jock #2: Bocce ball!
Jock #1: Bocce is huge.
Jock #2: Man, I feel like a kid in a candy store... Yo, I am so into this bocce ball.
Jock #1: Bocce is huge.

--Dr. Gravity's Kite Shop, Harwichport, Massachusetts

Overheard by: jon wazoo


Posted 2006-10-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

To Prove a Point: It's Polite to Swallow, Miss Fastidious

Skinny girl: Yeah, but why does he always have to spit on me afterwards?

--Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

Overheard by: Grossed Out


Posted 2006-10-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Hoped Your Father Would Tell You About This

Child: Mommy, do the fish come from the ocean or the country club?

--Cape Cod, Massachusetts


Posted 2006-10-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Don't Need Sunblock in There -- It's Dark

Girl, wearing lifeguard swimsuit and applying sunblock: Do my hole... NO! My back hole!

--Sacandaga Lake, New York

Overheard by: sherpa


Posted 2006-09-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Bring Disease, Brutality, and Catholicism Wherever I Go

Trucker: Well, it's a Mercury Sable, but that really doesn't matter. It's essential that you call me El Conquistador.

--Outer Banks, North Carolina

Overheard by: Just trying to keep in touch with the rest


Posted 2006-09-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Yes, It's Important That They Be Well Educated

Jock: Don't diabetics have to check their pH level?

--Long Beach, New York


Posted 2006-09-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If the Rest of It Exhibits the Same Level of Creativity, Then No

Dude #1: You know, that guy we call Ass.
Dude #2: You call the guy Ass? Why?
Dude #1: Because he smells like ass. Do you want to hear the rest of my story or not?

--Plum Island, Massachusetts


Posted 2006-09-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Lazy Fat-Asses

Teen girl: Do sea lions swim?
Mom: No, they ride boats.

--Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: just wanted to take a look at SEA LIONS


Posted 2006-09-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

First They Blow You Up, Then They Patch You Up

Teen: What's Hezbollah?
Dad: Well, it's hard to explain. They're a terrorist paramilitary organization, but they're also a humanitarian social services organization. They're sort of like the Super Wal-Mart of the Middle East.

--Old Orchard Beach, Maine


Posted 2006-09-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Social Darwinism: Coming Soon to a Street Near You

Girl #1: Why the hell isn't he going? We have to get someplace too!
Girl #2: It's probably a parent.
Girl #1: Yeah, those parents are always looking out for kids' safety. I am so not going to be one of those parents. And I will never have one of those Please Drive Slowly bullshit signs in my yard.
Girl #2: Yeah, if you don't want me to hit your kid, keep him out of the goddamned street.

--Booth Lake, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Sarah


Posted 2006-09-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Doctors Surgically Removed Her Husband

Woman: It wasn't a boob reduction. It was a boob elimination. You know, a man-sectomy.

--Warren Dunes, Lake Michigan

Overheard by: Andrea


Posted 2006-09-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Poseidon Kicked His Ass at Grand Theft Auto

Little boy, standing in water: I CHALLENGE YOU, POSEIDON!

--Myrtle Beach, South Carolina


Posted 2006-09-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Lessons in Tolerance

Vendor: Hey, buy some pizza!
Chick: I don't like bread.
Vendor: Then just eat the cheese!
Chick: I'm lactose-intolerant.
Vendor: Fro-zen yo-gurt!

--Venice Beach, California


Posted 2006-09-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Not the Content But the Style That Suggests This Kid Has a Future in Musical Theater

Small boy, carrying bag: Fudge! The wonderful joy of fudge!

--Bethany Beach, Delaware


Posted 2006-09-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Makes Sense -- Gold Is $627 an Ounce, But Snow's a Cool Grand

Dude #1: Dude, why on earth do you keep fucking her if you think she's so disgusting? Is her pussy, like, made of gold or something?
Dude #2: No, her pussy's made of cocaine.

--San Francisco, California


Posted 2006-09-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Pfff! I Saw That Show -- It's All 'You Know What the Difference Between Aquatic and Land Mammals Is?'

Tourist lady: Do you know when the dolphin show is?
Lifeguard: Uh, yeah, I think the truck just came with all the dolphins in it... should be in about half an hour.
Tourist lady: Oh, great! Thank you.

--Bethany Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Laughing Local


Posted 2006-09-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Mob Enforcers Start Training Early

Little boy: Mom, who can I bury in the sand?
Mom: Bury yuh fathuh. Start wit' his mouth.

--Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey


Posted 2006-09-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

There's a Pipe Leading Directly from the Urinal to the Water

Girl: Oh my God! This water is really cold, can you turn the heater up?
Lifeguard, returning from locker room: There you go, it should be better now.
Girl: Hey, this really does feel warmer. Thanks, lifeguard!

--Caroga Lake, New York

Overheard by: Marc Wiley


Posted 2006-09-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Once You Commit to Pretending You're a Dog, All Other Concerns Become Pretty Trivial

Woman: Do you think Otto* will get a complex because everyone always says "good dog" to him?
Man: I don't think he cares.

--Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: downtown


Posted 2006-09-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'll Ask God If We Can Borrow His Wet-Dry Vac

Tourist, walking on boardwalk at high tide: They really have to do something about this water problem.

--Bethany Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Laughing Local


Posted 2006-09-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

No, It's Actually for Vacationers Who Need a Change of Pace

Teen tourist: Oh my God, there's a high school over there! Wait, does that mean people actually live here? I thought it was just a tourist place. Weird.

--Aruba


Posted 2006-09-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Ladies Refer to It as 'Down Under'

Girl: Mummy, do you have a hairy pee?
Mummy: Make sure you never ask that again, especially when we have guests over for dinner.

--Manly Beach, Sydney, Australia

Overheard by: ohgodhaha


Posted 2006-09-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Because Then Who Would Guard Our Ice Cream While We Stole New Towels?

Girl: I hope nobody stole our towels while we were stealing ice cream.

--Melbourne Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Ali and Livi


Posted 2006-09-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

David Lynch's Dune: The Director's Cut

Girl: Hey, Daddy, look, I am riding a giant sand penis.
Daddy: I really don't want to ever hear you say that again.
Girl: Daddy, do you want to ride the giant sand penis?

--Biloxi, Mississippi

Overheard by: Lori Lou Who


Posted 2006-09-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Only Kidding, Pookie - I Love Your Soft Little Vienna Sausage

Salesman: Gringo, gringo. Mexican wrestling mask, Nacho Libre!
Guy: No, dude, sorry. I already bought two today.
Salesman: Señorita, one for you?
Girl: Um, no, thanks.
Salesman: Come on... it will be something different for tonight!
Girl: If I wanted something different, we'd be at the farmacia buying Cialis.

--Puerto Nuevo, Mexico


Posted 2006-09-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Mommy Told Her All about the Postman When She was Seven

Guy #1: Nice tie.
Guy #2: Yeah, I got it from a relative.
Little girl: No, you didn't, Daddy. You got it from me.

--White Rock Beach, British Columbia, Canadia

Overheard by: Dan-Mission, B.C.


Posted 2006-09-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Muscles Show You've Done Something Today Besides Be Waited On

Aristocrat: Muscles are trashy.

--Nantucket, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Spencer


Posted 2006-09-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Uh, Because He Did That Porno After High School

Teen girl #1: Why the hell are we here?
Teen girl #2: Because we have nothing better to do.
Teen girl #1: Wait... why didn't we call that guy who did that porno after high school? He'll do us both.

--Ashwaubomay Lake, Ashwaubenon, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Lacy Magnolia


Posted 2006-09-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

His Girlfriend Has It Mo-We-Fr, Her Sister Tu-Th, and They Alternate Weekends

Dude #1: I wish she would just forgive me already. It's been over a month.
Dude #2: Dude, you went down on her sister!
Dude #1: Well, yeah, exactly. It's like the same pussy, right?

--Jacksonville Beach, Florida


Posted 2006-09-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Beer! Why Didn't I Think of That?

Guy #1: Look at that girl over there! Now if that isn't hot, I don't know what is.
Guy #2: Don't even dream about it! She's at least a nine.
Guy #1: Well, then, I'll just go over and talk to her, and when we start making out, you can cry yourself to sleep.

A guy with a beer walks over and kisses her.

Guy #1: Well played, sir.

--Boardwalk, Jones Beach, New York


Posted 2006-09-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If the Goddess of Love Isn't Bisexual, Who Is?

Girl #1: And that's when I realized that bisexual and aphrodite are the same thing!
Girl #2: You mean hermaphrodite?
Girl #1: Yeah!
Girl #2: You're an idiot.

--Long Beach, New York


Posted 2006-09-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Mean 'Danger' in Your Vagina... And How Did You Know I Called It That?

Girl on cell: Sure, we can get together tonight... that sounds good... I won't do that! Are you TRYING to put my vagina in danger?

--Rockaway Beach, Brooklyn, New York


Posted 2006-09-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If My Slut License Didn't Say I Have To

Guy #1: She told me that she wants to see other people.
Guy #2: You're taking this all the wrong way. Now, you can nail that slut over there and she can't be mad at you when you get back together!
Slut: I would never have you.

--Long Beach, New York


Posted 2006-09-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Put that Soul Back Where You Got It, Young Man!

Little boy #1: You can't do it.
Little boy #2: Yes, I can.
Little boy #1: Fine! Steal my soul.
Little boy #2: Don't underestimate my powers.

--The Grotto, Tobermory, Ontario, Canadia

Overheard by: Lorraine


Posted 2006-09-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

She Got Some Dead Girl's Old Breast Implants

Waiter to customer: Sir, you just missed her. She looks hotter. She just got a transplant.

--South Padre Island, Texas


Posted 2006-09-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Pink Sombrero was Both a Clue and a Red Herring

Teen girl #1: Was he gay?
Teen girl #2: No, he was Mexican.

--Lavallette, New Jersey


Posted 2006-09-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

They Have Strong Feelings of Self-Loathing

Teen girl #1: God, I hate when people bring their cell phones to the beach.
Teen girl #2: I have my cell phone at the beach right now.
Teen girl #1: Me too.

--Ocean Beach, New Jersey


Posted 2006-09-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

No, You Should Have Ruled Him Out When I Said Yes to 'Is It a Human Being?'

Teen #1: Is he white?
Teen #2: Yes.
Teen #1: ...Wait, does that count Michael Jackson?

--Long Beach Island, New Jersey


Posted 2006-09-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Nine Months of Hell at Least Earns You Exclusive Kicking Rights

Little girl: Who would kick someone else's kid?!

--The Grotto, Tobermory, Ontario, Canadia

Overheard by: Lorraine


Posted 2006-09-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But Don't Tell Him About the Time We Fucked!

Chick #1: You were a complete whore last night.
Chick #2: Look who's talking! Do I have to mention the time you let Derek go down on you?
Chick #1: Bitch! That guy over there can hear you!
Chick #2: So what?
Chick #1: Listen to how you're talking about me and my brother. He's gonna think I'm a complete skank!
Chick #2: I said Derek. He didn't know who the fuck Derek was until you opened your fuckin' mouth.
Chick #1: Uh, yeah, I guess you're right...

--Panama City Beach, Florida

Overheard by: That guy over there


Posted 2006-09-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

This Must Be Some New Sausage-Eating Technique I'm Unaware Of

Son: These are pretty good.
Dad: Yeah, they're not bad if you soak them in your mouth like sausage.

--Nauset Light Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Rebecca Anna Smith


Posted 2006-09-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

GI Jane Gets Edited For Lifetime

American girl, looking at girl with shaved head: Oh my God, I feel soo bad for her.
American friend #1: 'Cause she has cancer?
American friend #2: Or she's a dyke.
American girl: Either way, it sucks!

--Herzliya Beach, Herzliya, Israel


Posted 2006-09-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Christ Returns in the Form of an Idiot, to Test the Compassion of the Modern Beach-Goer

Tourist: Excuse me, are we at the right beach?
Local: Umm...
Tourist: We want to go to the beach where you can see the Golden Gate Bridge.
Local: It's right there.
Tourist: Where?
Local: Why am I talking to you again?

--San Francisco, California


Posted 2006-09-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Both... Neither... Whatever Turns You on, Kid

Little boy: Was that lady a 'he' or a 'she'?

--Hilo, Hawaii

Overheard by: Gwen


Posted 2006-09-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Predator UAV Designers: 'Eeeexcellent!'

Fat guy: Oh boy, that plane looks just like a seagull. You'd never see it coming! Oh wait, that is a seagull.

--Air show, Lake Michigan

Overheard by: Steve W


Posted 2006-09-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Actually Her Roommate in a JonBenet Costume

College girl: Stop hitting on the nine-year-old, and let's leave!

--Grand Bend, Ontario, Canadia


Posted 2006-09-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's As Much As I'm Cleared to Tell You At This Juncture

Tourist: Hey, the water is coming up really high.
Local: Yeah, it's definitely a high tide today.
Tourist: How come it does that? I mean, what makes the water come up so high?
Local: Well, let's just say it has a lot to do with the moon.

--Pismo-Oceano Dunes, California

Overheard by: janie


Posted 2006-09-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Let's Start With 150 and See What Happens

Old guy on oxygen: So, how many more beers can I have??

--Sandbridge, Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Mike


Posted 2006-09-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Do You Expect Me to Take This Shit From You?

Male beach-goer #1: Wait, how did I get stuck carrying the poop?
Male beach-goer #2: You didn't.
Male beach-goer #1: Isn't the poop in this bag?
Male beach-goer #2: Ok, yes, technically speaking, you're carrying the poop.
Male beach-goer #1: Oh my God! No one's ever said that to me before.

--Island Beach State Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: Poopfactory


Posted 2006-09-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Your Grandfather and I Turned Out Okay

Grandmother: So you're not in a fight anymore?
Little boy, hugging little girl: We're gettting married!
Grandmother: But you're cousins.
Little boy: No, I mean when we're older.
Grandmother: But you'll still be...Never mind.

--Ortley Beach, New Jersey


Posted 2006-09-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Her Sister Has Always Had an Inflated Opinion of Her

Boy: So you go out a lot?
Girl: Yeah. My sister thinks I'm a druggy, but I'm like, "Sure I take drugs a lot, but that doesn't make me a druggy."

--Beach in Australia


Posted 2006-09-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A Place and a Mental Defect

Woman #1: Is that a dead seal in the water?
Woman #2: Are you Canadian or just stupid?
Woman #1: I'm Canadian.

--Key West, Florida

Overheard by: uarerude


Posted 2006-09-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But It Comes With a Bag of Chimps

Man: One small monkey bread, please.
Girl: What's a monkey bread?
Man: I have no idea.

--Monkey Bread Café, Ocean City, New Jersey