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Anyone Else's Bra Need a Refill?
Golden girl: Excuse me, bartender!
(harried bartender grunts at her)
Golden girl: Bartender, can I just have an ice cube please?
(harried bartender fills a cup with ice cubes and slams it down in front of her)
Golder girl: What am I supposed to do with all of these? I just wanted one to put in my bra!
--Colony Hotel, Delray Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Becka Dash
It's Not Slutty If It's in the Name of Science
Teen girl: Of course she will get naked, she is slutty... I will get naked too, next time, but you guys respect me, right? Oh look, there's a nude dude... [Points at stranger.] Want to see if I can get him hard?
--Sandy Hook, New Jersey
The "Hasselhoff Effect" in Action
Drunk man: [Bumps into girl and puts his hand around her to move her aside.] Sorry.
Girl: Eww! You're dirty!
Drunk man: C'mon, you know you like it!
Girl: Eww! [Drunk man walks away.] Call me!!
--Manhattan Beach, California
Overheard by: Snoog
The Lead Singer Picked Me Up in a Bar Last Night
Teen bimbette: So I heard about this new band that just came out. The lead singer is really cute... they're called The Doors.
--South California
Now That I Have This Inconvenient Infection
Teenage girl: So I've decided not to be a slut anymore.
--Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey
The Catholic Church's Last-Ditch Ad Campaign
Girl #1: Man, I think I got a yeast infection from that dude.
Girl #2: That fucking sucks.
Girl #1: Tell me about it. Getting laid is killing my sex life.
--Long Beach, California
Overheard by: hillary claire
And Sometimes from Places As Far-Flung As England
Bimbette: Yeah, I love that show. They show clips from all around the world like Britain and the UK and stuff.
--Pacific Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: Sarah
Focus -- We're Trashing People Here
Biotech #1: Wow. Did you see his new girlfriend over there?
Biotech #2: Yeah. She's got cottage cheese legs.
Bimbette: Really? Where is she? Is she fat?
Biotech #2: It's not that she's fat, it's just that... well... she's built like a linebacker.
Bimbette, looking in opposite direction: Hey, look -- volleyball!
--Hamburg Beach, Germany
Joe Francis's Spidey Sense Is Tingling
College girl #1: You're a total slut in college. I love it.
College girl #2: I know! I didn't get to be one in high school -- I'm making up for lost slut time.
--Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
Really More of a Fourth-Date Question
Blonde: Hey, can you look at my butt? Do I have blood on my butt?
Guy: Uh, what?
Blonde: I have my period -- I just want to make sure I don't have blood on my butt.
Guy: What? Ew.
--Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: Sarah
The Discovery Channel's "Seaweed Week" Failed to Catch On
20-ish girl to sister: I think a shark just brushed up against my foot! [Everyone nearby stares.] Oops. I think I said that a little loud. False alert, everyone -- it was just some seaweed!
--Clearwater Beach, Florida
Totally -- You Sound Just Like Sean Connery
Californian girl: Oh my god, I am, like, so brown now. Do you think when we go back to the hostel and put on our English accents people will, like, not know who we are?
--Lagos Beach, Portugal
... If I Can Find a Stupid Shit to Marry Me
Girl on cell: Yeah, so my dad said he wouldn't pay for college, but he would pay for my wedding, and I'd rather have a big party than study stupid shit for four years, so I'll just do that...
--Marathon, Florida
Overheard by: Nicole
And Everyone with Munchausen-by-Proxy
Brunette: Okay, now that I have your number, I'll just call you and then you'll have mine.
Blonde: Oh! It's ringing. Okay... I'm going to reject you, and then I'm going to save you... I'm just like Jesus.
--Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Kelly
Depends Where You Kiss Them
Blonde: So can you, like, get AIDS from kissing?
Guido friend: I don't know. I think you have to share your DNA to get it.
Blonde: So, do most guys have DNA?
--Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by:
Wanna See Me Make It Dance?
Bikini #1: Duuude, your birthmark has gotten bigger...
Bikini #2: That's because my thigh has gotten bigger.
--The Hamptons, New York
Can't Figure 'em Out?
Bimbette: My nipples are hard.
--Wasaga Beach, Ontario, Canadia
But Possibly Guatemalish
WASP girl: I saw three of them, and they all looked the same. I think they were Mexicanese?
--Bar Harbor, Maine
Overheard by: dulcineaesq
Who Didn't, Really?
Brunette: I've always wanted a tattoo, but I don't think I'm going to get one. You can't get buried in a Jewish cemetery if you have a tattoo.
Blonde: Why would you want to get married in a Jewish cemetery?
Brunette: Not married. Buried.
Blonde: Oh... So, are you Jewish?
Brunette: Yes.
Blonde: What is it with Jews always wanting to marry other Jews?
Brunette: I guess part of it is that the Jews have been persecuted so much, so people want to make sure to perpetuate the race.
Blonde: Really? Like who? Who persecuted the Jews?
Brunette: Um... well... the Nazis.
--Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Do They Make My Junk Look Fat?
Blonde, very loudly: You know, if I was a guy, these bikini bottoms would really cut into my balls!
--Key West, Florida
Overheard by: Anne
That's Really More of a South-of-Maryland Thing
Early-20s chick: I mean, I love my dad as a father and a friend, but, like, definitely not as a husband.
--Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: awesome is as awesome does
We Should Taste It To Make Sure
Bimbette to friend: Hmmm, it smells like the beach...
--Surf & Stillwell Avenue, Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Janelle
The Perils of Being Raised on Roseanne Reruns
Preppy college girl: I don't know -- I think it would be kind of glamorous to be poor!
--Pennfield Beach, Connecticut
Overheard by: Quirky Corky
Which Was Good, because I Didn't
Blonde: Wait, do Jewish people burn or tan?
Meathead: Well, some are pasty and some are really dark.
Blonde: Yeah, 'cause, like, she's Jewish and she gets a tan. I came into work the other day and my hair was curly, and everyone was like, 'Whoa!' But then I told them I'm half-Jewish, so they understood.
--Manchester by the Sea, Massachusetts
Overheard by: i burn and i'm not
The Tourists Would Have Fed Them, Too, and Then...
Late-20s chick #1: Don't the tourists understand the laws of seagull shitting? I mean, if they feed them, they are going to crap all over the entire beach.
Late-20s chick #2: At least the parade of Hare Krishnas has passed.
--Jacksonville Beach, Florida
Overheard by: unMuse
... Of Mexico. Where Margaritas Come From. Hello, in Salty Glasses?
Blonde: Why is this water, like, salty?
Brunette: Uhhh, it's sea water -- the ocean is salty.
Blonde: Yeah, but I thought this was the Gulf...
--Clearwater Beach, Florida
Overheard by: tourist lover
Not Smart Enough to Capitalize on Free Pussy
Bimbette looking at guy reading GRE study guide: What's that?
Guy: Huh? [Bimbette points to title.] It's a test I need to take to get my Master's. [Bimbette looks confused.] It's like the SATs for graduate school.
Bimbette: So you're, like, smart and shit. [Guy stares at her and then walks away.]
--St. Pete Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Chicagoan in FL
So They Both Just Lie There?
Girl #1: I was talking to Jess* the other day. She's been home for a while.
Girl #2: Isn't she a lesbian now?
Girl #1: Yeah, she was with her girlfriend, Michelle, who was really nice and really hot.
Girl #2: So, Jess is like the boy, right?
Girl #1: No. They are both girls.
--St. Kilda Beach, Australia
Overheard by: one of those lesbians who dates boys
From Michael Moore's Bowling for Sea Lions
Bimbette tourist #1, about sea lions play-fighting: Oh my god, look at those seals! That big one just, like, knocked the smaller one off the wood thing!
Bimbette tourist #2: That is so mean. I hope the little one, like, kicks his ass in the end.
Local: They're just play-fighting. It's a show of dominance.
Bimbette tourist #1: But he pushed him off! He so wasn't kidding. I could tell.
Bimbette tourist #2: Seriously. God, how can you just excuse him acting like that? Not cool.
Local, muttering: Fucking tourists...
--Fisherman's Wharf, San Francisco, California
Overheard by: an amused local
What's the Word for a Fear of Teenyboppers?
Teenybopper #1: Ew, I hate wide open spaces.
Teenybopper #2: Isn't there a word for that?
Teenybopper #1: Yeah, I think it's some kind of phobia or something.
--Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: MarilynMonBRO
The Outlaw Crotch Farmers of Australia
Girl #1, about lyrics to song: Who grows weed in their G-string?
Girl #2: That's 'hydroponics,' but I suppose it might be pretty wet down there. It's not impossible.
--Finucane Island, Australia
Latest Miracle Ear Ad Campaign Goes "Street"
Girl #1: Oh my god, look at all the palm trees!
Girl #2: Shhh! Don't say 'papis'!
Girl #1: What? Cock tease?
--San Juan, Puerto Rico
Overheard by: jersey represent
Let's Just Go to the Beach, Okay?
Girl #1: I'm glad we aren't having earthquakes here like back in Cali.
Girl #2: It would suck coming over to Maui and then having an earthquake here.
Girl #1: Hey, can you feel an earthquake in a plane?
Girl #2: Um...
--Kihei, Maui, Hawaii
Overheard by: Darcy
Also the Idea behind Lifesavers Candy
Girl #1, whispering: Oh my god, I'm choking on this macaroni.
Girl 2: Then how are you talking?
Girl 1: The macaroni is stuck in my throat straight up, and I'm breathing through the hole in the noodle.
Girl 2: Ohhh, that makes sense.
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: jenny
Shark: This Job Just Keeps Getting Harder
Blonde: Oh my god, I've been watching 'Shark Week' on TV, and this guy got his hand bitten off. It was crazy! It was a show about survivors, and they showed the scars and everything!
Brunette: That is crazy. I don't know how I'd live without my hands. I'd rather have the shark bite off my arm.
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Steve
And Then She Loses Jewelry!
Girl to friend: Oh my god, the Titanic was so sad. Her true love is poor, and then he dies.
--Crane Beach, Massachusetts
... And the Losers Will Don Suicide Belts
Bimbette announcer during Miss Hampton Beach pageant: ... And now our auditor will talibate the results...
--Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Annette
A Scene That Had to Be Cut from Shrek
Tan chick on towel: So, I was like, 'And what about the donkeys? Like, do they enjoy sex like we do?'
Pale fat chick next to her: I would guess so. I mean, I had a friend who sucked one off one time, so why not?
--Clearwater Beach, Florida
Overheard by: ...what?
There's No Such Direction
Blonde walking on pier: I am not ditzy! Ask me a question.
Brunette: Uh, which way is West?
Blonde: That's a trick question.
--Huntington Beach, California
Well, It's Nighttime There Now, So I'm Not Sure
Dude: I have a dog at home, too -- it's a golden retriever.
Australian chick: Really? What color is it?
--Boracay Island, Philippines
Overheard by: Kiteboarder
Some Carousels Are More Intense Than Others
Girl: I would have stayed on longer, but my swimsuit was on one ankle!
--Madison Lake, Minnesota
... I Got Better
Beach bunny #1: I totally slept with Brandon last night.
Beach bunny #2: How was it?
Beach bunny #1: Awesome. He was so fucking huge he, like, broke my vagina.
Beach bunny #2: Damn. That's saying a lot.
Beach bunny #1, happily: I know! I'm a total whore!
--Del Mar Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: Brandon stole my girlfriend
You Really Get to Know Someone after Five Years of Marriage
Bimbette: I thought he was a paraplegic, but it turned out he was just lazy.
--Point Pleasant, New Jersey
Overheard by: Patricia
Other Than That, Just Vegged Out in My Sweats. Boooring!
Chick #1: So, what happened to you last night?
Chick #2: Um, I died.
--The Coffeehouse, Manteo, North Carolina
Knowledge Just Interferes with the Wonder of It All
Chick #1: You can see Venezuela on a clear day from here.
Chick #2: Really?! I would love to go to Venezuela -- I hear it's a really nice island.
Chick #1: Um... Island as in South America...?
Chick #2: It's right off of South America, right?
Chick #1: I guess you should have paid attention in geography class.
Chick #2: What does math have to do with it?
--Aruba
Overheard by: Erin from New York
If No Elevator Is Available, I'd Like to Be Carried on a Litter
Puerto Rican princess: Hey! Hey, you - Mr. Captain or whatever.
Steward: Yes, ma'am?
Puerto Rican princess: Does this elevator go to the front of the ship?
Steward: Excuse me?
Puerto Rican princess: Where is the elevator that goes to the front of the ship?
Random passenger: Someone throw her overboard now and put her out of my misery.
--Caribbean Cruise, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: also waiting for elevator
Tell Me Again Why There's No 13 O'Clock?
Blonde: Hey, what time is it?
Redhead: Real time or pretend time?
Blonde: You told me you changed your phone over already, so just tell me what it says!
Redhead: 4:03.
Blonde: So it's only three o'clock in my head still...
Redhead: I offered to tell you pretend time!
Blonde: But I wanted to do the math myself!
--Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Jenn
Like Dragons?
Girl #1: Rhinos have two horns.
Girl #2: I thought they had one, like a unicorn.
Girl #3: Aren't unicorns extinct?
--Kenai, Alaska
"Summer Lovin" from Grease, in a Nutshell
Bikini #1: And?
Bikini #2: And what?
Bikini #1: And what happened?
Bikini #2: We had sex.
--Bondi Beach, Australia
Overheard by: Ggary
If You Were to Fill a Hat with Ice Cream...
Blonde: If you could be any flavor of ice cream, what would you be?
Redhead: Um...
Blonde: Well, you are what you eat. You can be monkey fudge!
Redhead: What?!
Blonde: Oh, wait, I mean Chunky Monkey. I'm making fun of your husband!
Redhead: You know, I'm the one drinking here.
Blonde: If you were any hat, what would you be?
Redhead: No.
--Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Jenn
I Just Have a Feeling for Language
Bimbette #1: I can't believe you're trying to learn Spanish just so you can hook up with that waiter.
Bimbette #2: [Mutters in Spanish.]
Bimbette #1: What are you trying to say?
Bimbette #2: My eyes are brown.
Bimbette #1: You just said my eyes are a Muslim religion!
--Rocky Point, Mexico
Overheard by: oh my