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And Stay Out of Iowa
Black guy playing drums, smiling at toddler nearby: Hi, sweetie. What you thinkin'? [Passing white lady tourist takes picture, and black guy frowns.] I respect you, too! Do I take a picture of you at the insurance office in Iowa?!
White lady tourist: Well, I--
Black guy: --Step off, bitch! [Turns back to little girl] Don't grow up to be like her, baby girl.
--Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: This place sure has changed since the 80s
My Doctor Told Me Some Sun Would Be Therapeutic for It
White girl: So, what are you doing in Miami?
Black guy: We're here for the pussy.
--South Beach, Miami, Florida
Oh, That Ought to Narrow It Down
Druggie hipster #1 to friend out of earshot: Hey! Hey, you! Hey! Come here!
Druggie hipster #2: Ugh, what's her name? Come here! Hey!
Black guy passerby: Hey, white bitch!
--Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Audra
And Crown Thy Good with Bootyhood from Sea to Shining Sea
Blonde: I just can't believe Justin Timberlake can dance like that!
Black guy: I can. It's 2007 -- brothers are intelligent and white girls got booty.
--Venice Beach, Florida
Overheard by: slamber
God Helps Those Who Help Themselves
Old black lady finishes pooping and flushes: Oh, thank you, Jesus! [Hums gospel tune.]
--Miami Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Lauren
Help Me Shake It Loose before the US Invades
Fat lady screaming: Taneesha! Homegirl, get yo' ass in here and see this! There be more sand up in my vah-jay-jay than the Saharia desert!
--Dressing room, Montego Bay, Jamaica
Overheard by: Erin
The Sun Finally Finished with That Chick
White muscle head to black muscle head friend: Hey, bro! You got tan! How'd you do that?
--Robert Moses State Park, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Cara
'Cause, If So, It's Totally Your Turn
A black man cuts in line ahead of two anorexic JAPs.
Anorexic JAP #1: Why are we here again?
Anorexic JAP #2: Ugh, I know! This would never happen back in Boca!
Black man: Eat something, you Jewish popsicles!
Anorexic JAP #1: Did he just ask us to give him a blowjob?
--Deerfield Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Laughing
At Least They Shower
Ghetto girl: ...And so I broke up with him because he kept getting robbed. He had all these shady friends, ya know? It was like we'd wake up and the television and the shower curtain would be gone.
--Misquamicut Beach, Rhode Island
Dear Tony-- More Vinegar, Less Garlic -- Love, Marsha
Ghetto chick #1: Yo, girl, I can smell you from here.
Ghetto chick #2: Girl, what you talkin' 'bout? You better be talkin' 'bout my lotion.
Ghetto chick #1: No, girl! I'm talkin' 'bout your pussy.
Ghetto chick #2: You crazy, girl. Tony ate it out last night. Ain't nothin' in there to smell!
Ghetto chick #1: Maybe it's just the nigga's breath, then.
--Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: karen g.
This Shoe Polish is Amazing!
Black guy to friends: Now I can officially say I am the darkest nigga on the beach.
--Carkeek Park, Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Onion girl
It's a Special Frequency that Only Bitches Can Hear
Black thug: Look at the tits and ass on that one.
White girl to friend: I think he thinks 'cause he's speaking gangsta I can't hear him.
--Hamilton Beach, Ontario, Canadia
Overheard by: Steph
The Limits of My Language are the Limits of My World
Black kid: Damn, I lost my pants.
Mom: Word?
--Belmar, New Jersey
KKK Just So Stories
Little surfer kid pointing to large black lady: Look, a whale turd.
--New Symrna, Florida
Every Drug Needs Evangelists
Girl running along shore: Smoke weed every day!
Black lady on beach blanket: Hallelujah! Come here, baby!
Girl runs to black lady, who stands and hugs her and kisses her.
Black lady: Smoke weed, God bless you!
--Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: t-money
