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As Long As You Promise to Stop Saying "Motion Of the Ocean"
Ghetto black girl, about Lil Wayne: Nah, I wouldn't fuck him, he too short!
Ghetto white girl: Shit, he short but I bet he know the motion of the ocean! You know he do! I'd let him in right in me, yeah I would!
--Santa Cruz, California
That, and the Ben Franklin Wig
Drunk white guy: Girl, I love you. You remind me of my friends from Philly!
Sober black girl: Why? Cause I'm black?
Drunk white guy: Yes. (pause) I felt you deserved an honest answer!
--Port Hueneme, California
Overheard by: honesty is the best policy
Tonight's Movie: How Stella Got Her Weave Back
Angry woman: You touchin' my weave!
--Coney Island, New York
There's Tan, and Then There's Snookie Tan.
Black man to extremely dark black woman: Come out of the shade! Don't you want to get tan?
--Aruba
Overheard by: Cassidy
And So White People Can Feel Okay About Calling Us "Persons Of Color"
White girl to black friend: Why do black people wear colored skinny jeans?
Black girl: So when it's dark you can see them.
--Tampa, Florida
Psst-- Now It's More Fashionable to Blame the Muslims.
Black girl with southern accent: If the world ends it's dem negro's fault.
--Tampa, Florida
And I Was Going to Save That for Marriage
Preppy white girl to black guy: You just jizzed on my arm and I don't even know you like that yet...
--Tampa, Florida
What? I Didn't Say It Was Me.
60-something African-American beggar: Send a nice Jewish boy through college. Send a nice Jewish boy through college...
--Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: drsteve
There Are Black People in Minnesota?
Little black girl, as it starts to rain: It be droplin'!
--Elm Creek Beach, Minnesota
Overheard by: Life Guard
Oooh, Blood- Good One!
Black guy to puking white guy: Yup, I know what that's like. I do that every morning, brother!
--Long Beach, Long Island, New York
Great White Ones!
Little black kid: Why can't we go in the pool?
Friend: What pool? That ain't no pool, nigga, it's got sharks in it!
--Coney Island Boardwalk, New York
Translation: the Ocean Scares Me
Young black male: Yo, I wish this was an urban beach. Like Chicago.
--Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina
Immigrants: The New El Nino.
Black tween girl to girlfriend on cell: It's mad hot out, you deported Dominican.
--Bergen Beach, New York
Overheard by: its not THAT hot out
And Stay Out of Iowa
Black guy playing drums, smiling at toddler nearby: Hi, sweetie. What you thinkin'? [Passing white lady tourist takes picture, and black guy frowns.] I respect you, too! Do I take a picture of you at the insurance office in Iowa?!
White lady tourist: Well, I--
Black guy: --Step off, bitch! [Turns back to little girl] Don't grow up to be like her, baby girl.
--Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: This place sure has changed since the 80s
My Doctor Told Me Some Sun Would Be Therapeutic for It
White girl: So, what are you doing in Miami?
Black guy: We're here for the pussy.
--South Beach, Miami, Florida
Oh, That Ought to Narrow It Down
Druggie hipster #1 to friend out of earshot: Hey! Hey, you! Hey! Come here!
Druggie hipster #2: Ugh, what's her name? Come here! Hey!
Black guy passerby: Hey, white bitch!
--Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Audra
And Crown Thy Good with Bootyhood from Sea to Shining Sea
Blonde: I just can't believe Justin Timberlake can dance like that!
Black guy: I can. It's 2007 -- brothers are intelligent and white girls got booty.
--Venice Beach, Florida
Overheard by: slamber
God Helps Those Who Help Themselves
Old black lady finishes pooping and flushes: Oh, thank you, Jesus! [Hums gospel tune.]
--Miami Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Lauren
Help Me Shake It Loose before the US Invades
Fat lady screaming: Taneesha! Homegirl, get yo' ass in here and see this! There be more sand up in my vah-jay-jay than the Saharia desert!
--Dressing room, Montego Bay, Jamaica
Overheard by: Erin
The Sun Finally Finished with That Chick
White muscle head to black muscle head friend: Hey, bro! You got tan! How'd you do that?
--Robert Moses State Park, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Cara
'Cause, If So, It's Totally Your Turn
A black man cuts in line ahead of two anorexic JAPs.
Anorexic JAP #1: Why are we here again?
Anorexic JAP #2: Ugh, I know! This would never happen back in Boca!
Black man: Eat something, you Jewish popsicles!
Anorexic JAP #1: Did he just ask us to give him a blowjob?
--Deerfield Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Laughing
At Least They Shower
Ghetto girl: ...And so I broke up with him because he kept getting robbed. He had all these shady friends, ya know? It was like we'd wake up and the television and the shower curtain would be gone.
--Misquamicut Beach, Rhode Island
Dear Tony-- More Vinegar, Less Garlic -- Love, Marsha
Ghetto chick #1: Yo, girl, I can smell you from here.
Ghetto chick #2: Girl, what you talkin' 'bout? You better be talkin' 'bout my lotion.
Ghetto chick #1: No, girl! I'm talkin' 'bout your pussy.
Ghetto chick #2: You crazy, girl. Tony ate it out last night. Ain't nothin' in there to smell!
Ghetto chick #1: Maybe it's just the nigga's breath, then.
--Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: karen g.
This Shoe Polish is Amazing!
Black guy to friends: Now I can officially say I am the darkest nigga on the beach.
--Carkeek Park, Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Onion girl
It's a Special Frequency that Only Bitches Can Hear
Black thug: Look at the tits and ass on that one.
White girl to friend: I think he thinks 'cause he's speaking gangsta I can't hear him.
--Hamilton Beach, Ontario, Canadia
Overheard by: Steph
The Limits of My Language are the Limits of My World
Black kid: Damn, I lost my pants.
Mom: Word?
--Belmar, New Jersey
KKK Just So Stories
Little surfer kid pointing to large black lady: Look, a whale turd.
--New Symrna, Florida
Every Drug Needs Evangelists
Girl running along shore: Smoke weed every day!
Black lady on beach blanket: Hallelujah! Come here, baby!
Girl runs to black lady, who stands and hugs her and kisses her.
Black lady: Smoke weed, God bless you!
--Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: t-money
