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To Prolong Your Agony, I'll Drive at Idle Speed
Shuttle driver over loudspeaker: You can sit anywhere you like, they're all equally uncomfortable.
--Key West, Florida
You Might Find Some in Between the Condoms and Syringes
Hick tourist, pointing to the ocean: So is that there salt water?
Island Beach State Park worker, after long confused pause: It's the ocean.
Hick tourist: Yeah, but does it like, have salt in it?
--Island Beach State Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: sick of bennies
If You're Arrested, the U.S. Will Deny You Exist
Flight attendant: Welcome to Acapulco, where the local time is party time.
--Plane Landing in Acapulco, Mexico
You Must Be at Least This Smart to Go Near the Water
Tourist mom: Can you rent a boat at the lake down there?
Employee: Um, no. And that's the Pacific ocean.
--Coffee Shop, Carmel Beach, California
Chris Kattan's Career Is Pretty Much at a Standstill
Bell boy: I applied to be a dancer on a cruise ship, and I totally had the body for it. I had a six pack, borderline eight pack. Plus, I have a mango dick. What am I supposed to do with that now?
--Honolulu, Hawaii
What Kind Of Example Are You Setting?
Angry father, trying to climb into boat with son: Turn off the fucking engine, man! I've got a fucking five-year-old here! Jesus, use your fucking head!
--The Hamptons, New York
The Same Unhappy Paradox Applies to Drugs
Rented Segway guy with a helmet to another: You feel really cool, but you don't *look* really cool.
--Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: byrneout
Then You Shouldn't Be Dating Martha Stewart
Teen Girl: I can't eat this ice cream.
Bruster's Employee: Why not?
Teen Girl: Because it's frozen in the middle.
Bruster's Employee: It's ice cream.
Teen Girl: I know, but it's frozen in the middle and I can't eat it.
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
I Gotta Stop Living in the Moment
Hairdresser to client: Hey... Um... Remember when I did your hair?
Client: Yeah?
Hairdresser: Wait, you were there, right?
Client: Yeah babe, I was there.
--Venice Beach, California
Actually, We're a Jewelry Store, but You Just Made My Day
Customer: Hey, my car is making a funny noise.
Clerk: What did it sound like?
Customer: Vrummm-clunk.
Clerk: How did it go, again?
Customer: Vrummm-clunk.
Clerk: I didn't quite get that -- one more time?
Customer: Vrummm-clunk! Vrummm-clunk! Vrummm-clunk!
Clerk: Hahahaha!
Customer: What?
--AutoZone, Crestview, Florida
What Isn't Better Naked?
Cute guy, about credit card: Yeah, sorry it's bent. I jumped off the bridge.
Clerk girl: You jumped off the bridge, huh? Yeah, it's better if you do it naked.
--7-Eleven, Manteo, North Carolina
