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Americans Think the Right to Be Stupid Is an Obligation

19-year-old boy: I want to make a shirt that says "Keep Allah out of downtown New York" and wear it to Ground Zero.

--Jones Beach, New York

Overheard by: Couldn't Agree More

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2010-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

I'm 97% Certain Richard Simmons Was Born by a Massive Gay Orgy

Meth-adict-looking girl: I was born by a massive gay orgy.
Friend: I wish I was born by something...

--Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Zach

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2010-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

This Is What Happens When We Don't Bring the Electric Collar

Man, running as fast as he can across sand, screaming like a maniac: Molly! Molly! Molly!(entire beach crowd stares)
Man, running as fast as he can across sand, screaming like a maniac: Molly! Molly! Molly!(entire beach crowd stares)
Man, finding Molly sitting quietly: Oh, there you are.

--Lewes Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: maybe next time, take Molly with you

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2009-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Looks Like a Stand-off

Crazy bag lady: I'm Ozzy's mommy!
Queer: No, you're not! You're a fucking gross woman who carries around used clothes and a knapsack full of tissues! Plus, Ozzy sucks!
Crazy bag lady: Fag!

--St. Petersburg, Florida

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2008-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

If Nominated I Will Not Run, If Elected I Will Not Serve

Crazy lady: I told you, I don't want to be the goddamn queen of Russia.

--Haystack Rock, Oregon

Overheard by: Luke

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2007-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

She Thinks the War in Iraq Is Just Darling

Woman #1: Oh my goodness, you should see your daughter! It looks like she's been stabbed; it's the cutest thing.
Woman #2: Oh, really?
Woman #1: Yes! She's been eating cherries, and the juice has run all down her front and all over her hands. It looks like she has blood all over her--it's adorable!

--Old Orchard Beach, Maine

Overheard by: shawshank

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2006-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Faster Than a Golden Calf. Stronger Than All 12 Plagues...

"Jews for Jesus" guy: You like Superman? Take this pamphlet. Read it with all your friends. It will be story time!

Hands out pamphlet that metaphorically describes Jesus as Superman.

Girl: I didn't realize Jews worshipped Superman.

--Jones Beach, New York

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2006-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Why There Should Be a Wall Around New Jersey

Jersey woman, to seagull: Get away, you lazy sonofabitch! Go find your own food! [to friends] Just like Mexicans.

--Wildwood, New Jersey

Overheard by: Dan

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2006-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook