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Think of Me As the Consumer Reports of Sex

Guy: Why did you tell *Veronica that I had a small dick?
Girl: Because you do.
Guy: You could have at least told her I know how to use it.
Girl: You don't!

--Discovery Bay, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2008-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Assuming There Was Enough Room, with the Constitution Still in There

Drunk girl, after hearing about a "promise statue": I'll tell you what I would do if a guy gave me a promise statue! I'd lube that shit up and stick it up my vag!"

--Long Beach, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Or Whatever That Stuff in the Tortilla Is

Fiftyish guy to wife: Just for that, I'm not gonna eat your pussy tonight.

--El Cid, Cozumel, Mexico

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2008-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Yet Another Reason to Love the Beach

Guy: It smells like pussy out here!
Girl: It smells like you're gonna have to find someone else to give your ass a ride home.

--Bixby Knolls, Long Beach, California

Overheard by: Armando

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2008-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Go Directly to Hell. Do Not Collect $200

Guy passing huge Jesus statue: I wanna fuck his stigmata.

--Lincoln Avenue, South Beach, Florida

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2007-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

How Business Gets Done

Gent #1: I'm having troubles casting for this part.
Gent #2: I know the perfect girl, but she's young. Only 17.
Gent #1: Hmmm... That's too young.
Gent #2: Yeah, but you could fuck her mom.

--Malibu, California

Overheard by: Wanker

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2007-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Perhaps, but What's Your Excuse?

Sketchy salesman: Hey, pretty ladies!
American girls: [Ignore him.]
Sketchy salesman: Stop being so American! That's why you're single!

--Playa del Carmen, Mexico

Overheard by: PlayaChicas

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2007-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Plus, 13 Is an Unlucky Number

Creepster: Her dad says I'm too old to be hitting on a 13-year-old girl, so I do the math. But if you let them get their belly button pierced, they are going to get attention.

--St. Simon's Island, Georgia

Overheard by: Dragoman

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2006-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

I Have to Tell You, I Don't See a Downside to Any of That

Perv #1: Dude, check out that girl!
Perv #2: Which one?
Perv #1: Over there, in the yellow suit!
Perv #2: What? She can't be more than twelve!
Perv #1: Dude, I would totally do her!
Perv #2: You need help, man. She doesn't even have tits.
Perv #1: I'm not a titty man.
Perv #2: Yeah, well, your boyfriend in prison will be glad to hear that.

--Island Beach State Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: Steve

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2006-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook