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One Day You, Too, Can Be a Douchebag!
Out-of-shape 50-something customer: I don't know, the guys I see riding fixed-gear bikes are in really good shape.
20-something bike salesman: That shouldn't intimidate you; it should inspire you.
--Sag Harbor, New York
Overheard by: the lerpa
Assuming You Aren't Consistently Pregnant
16-year-old clerk to man buying tampons: Those for you? (snickers)
Tampon-buying man: No, I have a wife. Don't worry, one day when you are all grown up, you will need these too.
--Grocery Store, Virginia Beach, Virginia
And What Exactly Do You Sell Again?
Man, answering phone: Talbot Street Watersports, how may I help you?
Customer: Oh, what street are you on?
Man: Still on Talbot Street.
Customer: Oh, good... I was just checking.
--Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: OC Rocket
I'll Just Throw a Virgin Into the Volcano, Ma'am
Woman at outdoor restaurant, to waiter: Could you please turn down the air conditioning? I'm cold.
--Waikiki, Hawaii
Introducing, the Most Cerebral Blonde at Manasquan
Snack bar worker: Do you ladies need anything for your iced coffees?
Brunette 40-something: I hate to be a pain, but do you have any skimmed milk?
Snack bar worker (returning): I'm sorry ma'm, we ran out of skimmed milk but I did find some fat-free milk!
Brunette 40-something: Oh, thank you so much. (turns to blonde friend) She was so sweet, I didn't have the heart to tell her it's the same shit.
Blonde 40-something friend: It is?
--Manasquan Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: Beach Bum
Why Does This Restaurant Hate Freedom?
Waitress: Do you want cheddar, mozzarella, or Swiss on your burger?
Customer: Um... American?
--The Purple Parrot, Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Hollywood
The Last Guy Who Had Her Was a Bit Rough
Customer: Can I have a Stella [Artois]?
Bartender: Ermm... She's not working today.
--Pool Bar, Ayia Napa, Cyprus
Honey, They Know We Have Sex!
B&B owner to guests: Do you two have children?
Female guest: Oh no, not yet. That's why we are here!
B&B owner (blushing) walking away: Oh! Well, I'm glad we could help!
Guest (softly, mortified): I meant we have more time without kids!
--Bed & Breakfast, Galveston Island, Texas
I Gotta Stop Living in the Moment
Hairdresser to client: Hey... Um... Remember when I did your hair?
Client: Yeah?
Hairdresser: Wait, you were there, right?
Client: Yeah babe, I was there.
--Venice Beach, California
Actually, We're a Jewelry Store, but You Just Made My Day
Customer: Hey, my car is making a funny noise.
Clerk: What did it sound like?
Customer: Vrummm-clunk.
Clerk: How did it go, again?
Customer: Vrummm-clunk.
Clerk: I didn't quite get that -- one more time?
Customer: Vrummm-clunk! Vrummm-clunk! Vrummm-clunk!
Clerk: Hahahaha!
Customer: What?
--AutoZone, Crestview, Florida
She Got Some Dead Girl's Old Breast Implants
Waiter to customer: Sir, you just missed her. She looks hotter. She just got a transplant.
--South Padre Island, Texas
I Am Parko, Almighty Parking Deity. Give Me Your Worldly Goods or Roam the Melting Streets Forever!
Parking lot attendant: Thirty dollars.
Woman: Last time I was here, you charged me five dollars.
Parking lot attendant: I should be charging you the same amount as it is degrees outside. I should be charging you like ninety three dollars.
--Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: arc, mich
When You Were Standing Watch, What Were You Watching?
Navy guy #1: Do you have beach shorts?
Gift shop employee: Yeah, over there.
Navy guy #2: This is a small. I think I need a medium.
Navy guy #1: Dude, no. Your dick is small.
--Pensacola Beach, Florida
