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Robin Laid an Egg!
Little boy: Ew, dad! Look! Dog poo!
Father: No, I think that's bat poo.
Little boy: Batman's poo?
--Byron Bay, Australia
Kelly and Sharon Osbourne Have Always Been Close
Mother to daughter reading a running magazine: Which is harder, running on a treadmill...
Daughter, yelling: Your mum!
--Tampa, Florida
...And That's How I Meet Most Of My Boyfriends.
Girl on bike to family on bikes, loudly: I said my arse hurts and he said "mine doesn't, I'm good at taking it!"
--Rottnest Island, Western Australia
Overheard by: Victoria
...Word to Your Mother
Father to young son: Some holes have crabs!
--Alma, New Bruswick, Canadia
The Question Is, Who's Smelling It?
Daughter: Mom, why do you have to go to the bathroom already? We just went a few minutes ago!
Mother: I don't know... I guess I'm like a dog, I have to leave my scent everywhere...
--Sandy Hook, New Jersey
They Only Eat When They're Hungry
Son: Mommy, why haven't the sharks ripped those other fish apart?
--New York Aquarium, Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
I Do Not Think That Word Means What You Think It Means
Little boy: I don't want to put on sunscreen!
Older sister: Do you want to look like a Nang?
Little boy: What?
Older sister: Well, that's the thing about Nangs, they get burnt!
--Byron Bay, Australia
A+ Nose-Picking, Though.
Older brother: Okay, okay, run around and grab all the sand and pick it up and throw it on the ground as fast as you can.
(little brother stares cluelessly at older brother)
Older brother: No, you fail!
--Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Overheard by: Joseph Hammerman
Jesus, What Do You Have to Do to Get Exiled from New Jersey?
Little boy: Why do you live in New York now?
Uncle: Well, the family don't love me anymore.
Little boy: Huh? But...?
Uncle: Yeah, but you're lucky, they still love you. If they didn't, you'd have to live in New York with me.
--Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: Kate-in-Oz
I Just Realized How Much I Miss The Golden Girls
Large mother to screaming child: Stop that screeching or I'll cut out your larynx!
Large mother to large sister: Where did she learn to screech like that?
Large sister: I don't know, ask the one in the wheelchair. (points to grandmother in wheelchair)
--Ocean City, Maryland
Paul Revere: Everybody Gets That Wrong
15-year-old to mother and sister: Two for the pink, one for the stink.
Mother, laughing: Who taught you that?
15-year-old: Dad.
--Boat in Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii
Overheard by: Pro Forced Sterilization
Jimmy Hoffa's Body?
Woman in large family group, to waitress: What else is in crab meat?
--Seafood House, Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Pass the Old Bay, please.
...Snap a Photo, and Use It for This Year's Christmas Card.
Mom to four-year-old son and two-year-old daughter: When that bird shits on you, I'm gonna laugh.
--Madeira Beach, Florida
Overheard by: touched by an uncle
Your Editors Love That Puno Is on the Shore of Lake Titicaca
Brother: I was talking to that couple from Montana, and they said they eat cattails.
Sister: I thought they were vegetarians.
--Puno, Peru
Overheard by: 451
Can't Be Hard to Find in a Bee Cup
Southern blonde to older, female family members: Aaaah, there's a bee in my titties!
(commotion ensues)
Sketchy guy, loudly: I'll look for it if you want.
--San Juan Beach, Puerto Rico
That's How I Spend My Christmas Bonus
Guy sharing Ferris wheel with family: Good thing they fixed this cart, it was broken yesterday.
Old lady: Have you ever been slapped by a complete stranger?
--Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: girl #1
And Prince
Aunt, looking up at the stars: What is that?
Nephew: Is this the southern or northern hemisphere?
Aunt (giggling): I have no idea.
Cousin, without looking up : That's Orion. You can see Meissa, the star at the top, that's its head. The really bright one is Rigel, that's supposed to be the knee. If you follow the constellation downwards you'll see Sirius.
(blank dumbfounded looks)
Cousin: That's, um, where the aliens from V come from.
Aunt, completely understanding : Ohhhh!
--Beaches of Koh Sumet, Thailand
Unless I Also Got Free Snacks
Short sister: If I were to be in a porno with anyone, I would choose to be in it with you.
Tall sister: I'm not risking my dignity to be in a porno with my sister. No matter how much you're paying me.
--Lake Kalamalka, Vernon, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: Sounds like a good time to me.
Or Just That Labia Piercing?
10-year-old boy to younger sister: Did you get a tramp stamp?
--Pt. Pleasant, New Jersey
Overheard by: Kim
Shark: Don't Flatter Yourselves, Boys
Little brother: Aren't you glad we watched Shark Week when we were in North Carolina and not like, last night?
Big brother (sarcastically): Yeah. Great. Because sharks never come here.
Little brother: Well, at least it's not Florida. Or South Africa.
--Avon, New Jersey
Other Than That It Was Great
Granddaughter: Did you have fun in Hong Kong?
Grandma: Well, yes, there was a lot of Asian food.
Grandpa: And the people were all shorter than you!
Granddaughter: Really...
--Jetty Road, Glenelg, Australia
And I Just Saw What I've Been Wearing All These Years
Little boy's brother: Why are you screaming?
Little boy: Because I'm Hillary Clinton!
--Drift Inn Beach, Port Clyde, Maine
Overheard by: Sara
Mr. Britannica Grew Weary Of the Expectations the World Placed on Him
Little boy: Why is that woman walking faster than us?
Grandfather (frustrated): I have no explanation for this!
--Sauble Beach, Canadia
Overheard by: Totally walking faster than them
Yeaahhh, Definitely Six Days
Grandma: So aren't you coming to visit me in 3 weeks.
Granddaughter: No, like 2 weeks and 6 days.
--Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Perhaps a Career As a Schoolmarm, Then
20-something daughter: She's 23.
Middle-aged mom: Well, if she ain't married yet, she ain't never gonna be.
--Daytona, Florida
Overheard by: MAGICALLY engaged at 36
And Throw Up a Hair Ball?
Trailer guy: So what about Beth?
Trailer girl with child nearby: Beth? Chuck, she can suck my fat pussy.
--Madeira Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Mark
How Supergirl Alienated Everyone in Her Play-Group
Adorable niece: I can see your wiener because I have X-ray vision!
--Corral Cabana Club, Tampa, Florida
Unless There's More to the Story?
Daughter to mother: You yell at me for saying 'munted,' 'fucked,' 'wasted,' and 'shafted,' because you say they all mean 'having sex.' So for the love of god, when you tell that story will you stop saying you were 'stiffed' by an old lady?!
--New Zealand
And That's How Johnny Cash Got the Idea for 'Delia's Gone'
Little sister: Bury me! Bury me!
Big brother: No, I can't marry you. That'd be disgusting.
Little sister: BURY me!
Big brother: No, no, I can't marry you! Stop it!
Little sister: I said BURY me, stupid!
--Orchard Beach, New York
Overheard by: Anais Borg-Marks
Your Grandfather and I Turned Out Okay
Grandmother: So you're not in a fight anymore?
Little boy, hugging little girl: We're gettting married!
Grandmother: But you're cousins.
Little boy: No, I mean when we're older.
Grandmother: But you'll still be...Never mind.
--Ortley Beach, New Jersey
A Bad Case of Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy
Daughter: Thanks for giving me an aneurysm, Mom.
Mother, under her breath: I wish I'd given you an aneurysm.
Daughter: What?
Mother: Nothing, dear.
--Sea Isle City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Cols
Are You Coming On to Me?
Daughter, to mom: So how do you know when to just lay there and when to beat them off?
--Ocean Beach, San Diego, California
Look, Mom, I'll Trade You For the Shot of You With the Pool Boy
A dog is humping a newlywed's leg.
Mother-in-Law: Oh my God, don't move. I have to get a picture of that!
Son-in-Law: Um...
Mother-in-Law: Okay, I've got the camera. Hump away, Curley!
--Lake Superior
In His Prison Locker
Niece: I can't find my underwear!
Uncle: Maybe it's with my wedding ring.
--Rio Del Mar Beach, California
Either Way, She Will Grow Up to Be Much Sought After
Mom: What did that lady ask you?
Little girl, wearing "Cerveza With a Smile" shirt: She asked what my shirt said.
Mom: Do you know what it says?
Grandpa: Service with a smile.
--Cedar Point, Ohio
Overheard by: devin the artist
On the Production Line at the Catch Phrase Factory
Mom: Hey! Tell them the new teenager attitude sound.
Uncle: Pfft.
Girl #1: Yeah, that's spelled P-F-F-T.
Girl #2: Doesn't it have, like, an 'H' in it or something? Like P-H-F-F-T?
Uncle: You don't even have to have the 'T' in it. You could definitely go without the 'T.'
--Inverhuron, Ontario, Canadia
Overheard by: sun-fried brain
