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Geologic Time Has Nothing on Family Time
Chubby guy to sister: Sand is rocks that disintegrated over time because of volcanoes.
--The Dunes, Michigan
Who Wants to Tap My, Um, Keg?
Heavy sweaty chick, yelling across store at friends: My sweat smells like beer!
--Surf Shop, Laguna Beach, California
Yeah, I'll Hold
Fat guy on cell: I'm not interested. Throw my food at the dog.
--Rhyl, Wales
Overheard by: Jake
Your Editors Refuse to Go to Taco Bell Ever Again
Fat tourist lady: So then he yelled "I'm going to poop on your chest, you'll see!"
--South Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Captain K
Have You Tried Sleeping With Guys Who Like You?
Ugly overweight girl in unflattering bikini: Guys don't like you anymore after you've had sex with them.
--Belmar Beach, New Jersey
They're the Katie Couric Of Mammaries!
Hot girl to extremely fat guy transfixed by her boobs: What, are you comparing size? Shape? Cause mine might not be as big as yours, but they're far perkier.
--Uvongo Beach, South Africa
Overheard by: dizziebean
I Just Realized How Much I Miss The Golden Girls
Large mother to screaming child: Stop that screeching or I'll cut out your larynx!
Large mother to large sister: Where did she learn to screech like that?
Large sister: I don't know, ask the one in the wheelchair. (points to grandmother in wheelchair)
--Ocean City, Maryland
...And I'd Like to Do It with Dignity.
Fat blubbery man to wife: C'mon already! Let's go in the water--I gotta take a piss!
--Caribbean
Overheard by: Grossed Out
You Can Call It "Baby Weight" Until the Baby Leaves for College
Flabby mom in bikini, having picture taken with three kids: Honey, come stand in front of mommy's tummy.
--Penfield Beach, Fairfield, Connecticut
Then You Have a Lot to Learn About Pink Leg-Warmers, Bobby.
Little boy, looking at large man: I thought only girls had those.
--Florida
Overheard by: Northern Lad
Plus, That Species Of Dragon Has a Much Shorter Wingspan
College girl to college guys carving dragon in the sand: Ugh! What is wrong with you?! Dragons do not have such muscular arms!
College guy: Ours does!
College girl: I am torn: do I continue arguing about tiny dragon arms as if dragons are real or move on to mocking you for giving your dragon the biceps you wish you had?
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
But If That's One Of the PTA Requirements...
Overweight mother: I don't want to be a gladiator!
--Ocean City, Maryland
Some Episodes Of To Catch a Predator Are Just Pathetic
Overweight woman chasing squirrley eight-year-old on the beach: Get over...boy! You get...boy! Boy! You lucky I can't run fast in this sand!
--Beach Boardwalk, Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Go Kid Go!
I Think They Even Did Splits!
Large lady in elevator to another: The kids brought back this DVD, they said it was PG-13... Well they started it up and it was raunchy! It had cheerleaders in it and god knows what else.
--Majestic Beach Towers, Panama City Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Heading to Blockbusters to find that DVD!
What's That Girl's Secret?
Fat girl: What did you and Michelle talk about on the phone last night?
Skinny girl: She and Alex are fighting.
Fat girl: You're lying, they are not! What did she really tell you?
Skinny girl: Well, she thinks Victoria's replacing her.
Fat girl: Ugh, she could've just talked to me about it... Victoria did kinda replace her, though.
--Lavalette, New Jersey
Overheard by: Crab
Ooo-- Are You Filled with Candy?
Fat half-naked lady, walking up to a random lady and her kid: I'm about to burst!
--Cocoa Beach, Florida
Overheard by: would not like to be there when it happens
When You Call Your Boyfriend That, We Feel You're Just Bragging
Large gay man on bike, calling back to others: Come on, guys! We're going to miss the Origami!
--Provincetown, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: mj
I Tried to Solve Both Problems by Eating Her
Big man: No, I never blamed my wife for me being fat. I blame her for me being a nympho... Not for being fat, though...
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
I Ran Out of Bag Balm (TM)
Man: I see you've caught the sun a bit!
Fat lady: No, that's just chub-rub.
--Spain
Overheard by: Vertman
Help Me Shake It Loose before the US Invades
Fat lady screaming: Taneesha! Homegirl, get yo' ass in here and see this! There be more sand up in my vah-jay-jay than the Saharia desert!
--Dressing room, Montego Bay, Jamaica
Overheard by: Erin
Guess Mommy's Never Seen a Real Woman
Woman to friend: Look at that woman. She so fat, we should call Greenpeace to roll her back in the ocean.
Little girl passing by fat woman: My mommy says Greenpeace should roll you back into the ocean!
--Zandvoort, Netherlands
Overheard by: Linda
If You'll Refer to This Venn Diagram...
Fat guy in tight shirt: Okay, I can understand a Vulcan being a Buddhist, but not a Christian.
--Venice Beach, California
Tie Goes to the Hungriest
Thin little girl: Let me see it! Let me see it!
Fat little girl: No! MY dead fish!
--Lake Erie, Monroe, Michigan
Overheard by: sandra g
Predator UAV Designers: 'Eeeexcellent!'
Fat guy: Oh boy, that plane looks just like a seagull. You'd never see it coming! Oh wait, that is a seagull.
--Air show, Lake Michigan
Overheard by: Steve W
So All I Need Is a Tan
Fat girl, to friend: That tan girl looks better in my bikini than I do.
Random guy walking by: Yeah, she does.
--Traverse City, Michigan
Overheard by: Cari
Right Where You Belong: My Heart
Drunk guy, plopping down on lounge chair: Oh yeah!
Burly man passed out next to him starts to wake up.
Drunk guy: You are a sex machine!
Burly man: What? Where am I??
--Pool bar, Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Girl on nearby lounge chair
Like Cock
Big Brooklyn dude #1: I really wanna see The Devil Wears Prada. I heard it's the funniest movie ever.
Big Brooklyn dude #2: Yeah, man, but I really wanna read the book first.
Big Brooklyn dude #1: Yeah, yeah! It's not just for chicks, man!
Big Brooklyn dude #2: It's not just for chicks.
--Rockaway Beach, New York
The Readers of Knocked-Up Snatch Say Otherwise
Beach-goer: Belly rings and stretch marks really don't go together.
--Redondo Beach, California
Overheard by: Everybody's Ex-Wife
Randy Found Her Unresponsive, Cowlike Demeanor Strangely Arousing
Fat dude on awkward first date: Yeah, so that's why I didn't put 'Let's meet at Starbucks' in my ad. 'Let's have a beer on the beach,' you know?
Obese chick: Mmm-hmmm.
Fat dude: So... You don't drink?
Obese chick: Hm-mmm.
Fat dude: So, it's fair to say you have a problem with alcohol.
Obese chick: I don't have a problem with it.
Fat dude, after long pause: So, what do you do? I mean, what other hobbies do you have?
Obese chick: I chew a lot of gum.
--Golden Gardens Park, Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Brooke
What Happened to Gray, Windowless Vans?
Really loud fat lady: Fat old guys drive nice cars to get with the young pretty girls.
--Public parking lot, Seaside, Oregon
Overheard by: Drewlicious
