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Miss Manners Says as Long as You Ask First, It's Okay
Queer: That guy sooo just checked you out.
Hot chick: Should I go over there and ask to sit on his face?
Queer: Bianca.
Hot chick: What? I'm horny!
Queer: Me, too, now that I think of it.
--Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia
And They Say Clothes Make the Man
Queer: He looks so elegant, even when he's not in drag!
--Provincetown, Massachusetts
Overheard by: DJ Oakes
You Were Listening to Coldplay
Teen boy: Fucking faggots!
Queer: How can he tell I'm gay?
Lesbo: How can he tell I'm a lesbian? What, do we exude a flamboyantly-homosexual aura or something? Fuck, we're cuddling with a member of the opposite gender, and people still know we're gay! Damn, it's like P.E. class all over again.
--Delta, British Columbia, Canadia
Of All the Fluids You've Rubbed Over My Back, This One Grosses You Out?
Queer #1 reaching for sunscreen: Okay, I need someone to do my back!
Queer #2: Ewww.
Queer #1: Oh, shut up you skanky-ass, motherfucking whore!
--Cherry Grove Beach, Fire Island, New York
Overheard by: Marizzle
When Shown an Issue of Maxim, He Discovered He Was Mistaken
Queer looking at screaming queer in water: Maybe I'm not gay.
--Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: laughing entirely too much
They're Trying to Imagine a Black Dude, Obviously
Queer #1: Charles, look, there's another one. He's white, and the other looks Asian.
Holds up large signs that say "6" and "4," respectively.
Queer #2: Definitely!
Queer #1: Oh, wow. Look at this one. Latino. Yummmm!
Holds up sign that says "9."
Queer #2: Oh, yes. Totally!
Straight girl, walking by: What are you two doing? Comparing guys' looks?
Queer #1: Uhh...
Queer #2: Breeder, please. The Asian guy is a 4, the white guy is a 6, and the Latino guy a 9. What do you think we're trying to imagine?
--Sunset Beach, Florida
Overheard by: MangoJoe
And He Reads at the 37-Year-Old Level
Papi #1: Oh, he's so nice! You know, he's 36, but he doesn't look any older than 34!
Papi #2: That's hot.
Translated from the Spanish
--Miami Beach, Florida
Especially When You're Screaming, 'I'm Not Gayyyyyyyy!'
Queer: It turns out sleeping with a deaf guy is awesome!
--Penn's Landing, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Chris Newcomer
If I Do You, Will You Be Nice to Me?
Girl: So, out of all the people in this circle, who have you been sexually involved with?
Queer: Does pecking count?
Girl: Yes.
Queer points at everyone.
Girl 1: You man-whore! So, if pecking doesn't count, who have you done anything with?
Queer: Everyone except her.
Girl: So you're still a whore.
--Centennial Beach, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: shutterbug
The Interior Class Struggle
Queer #1: That guy in the blue footy shorts is so hot!
Queer #2: Ewww, Matt, he looks lower class.
Queer #1: We suck cock for a living -- you really think we're classy?
Queer #2: Well, I know I am. I dress in nothing but designer.
--Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: Hot Chick
Every Time a New Johnny Depp Movie Comes Out, Fashion Dies a Little
Queer to boyfriend: You'd look so hot with a peg leg!
Fire Island Boulevard, Fire Island, New York
Overheard by: Bryan
