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Would It Help If You Stopped Chewing Gum?
Woman on surfboard to another: And now my husband wants me to play with his balls while I'm giving him a blowjob. Who does he think I am? I can't even do this! (tries to pat head and rub stomach at the same time)
--Flat Island, Kailua, Hawaii
Overheard by: TheHammstr
Though the Mailman's Been Known to Go for Rides on It
Townie broad #1: You can tell how a man treats a woman by how he treats his bike.
Townie broad #2: Bill keeps his in the garage and hasn't ridden it in five years.
--Point Pleasant, New Jersey
Laura Bush Can Be Amazingly Forceful at Times
Obnoxiously drunk ho as she leans on bro for support: Don't even think about thinking!
--Pacific Beach, San Diego, California
A Safe Projection Based on Past Performance
18-year-old girl #1: I wonder what we'll be like in college...
18-year-old girl #2: I think I'll be a slut.
--Cable Beach, Bahamas
Overheard by: Rachel
Hint: They Move and Have Little Claws
Italian girl: So, um... How do you know if you have crabs?
Frat boy: What?
Italian girl: Well, I'm not sure if I just have another yeast infection or dry skin or something...
Frat boy: Why are you asking me this?
Italian girl: Because we slept together last week and now I itch!
--Point Pleasant, New Jersey
Overheard by: jerseygirl
Still, This Is an Improvement on Their Last Appearance
Hoochie to friends: Okay, girls, our goal for this weekend is to not end up on the Internet again.
--South Beach, Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Ladle
The Worst Kind of Hagriculture
Hoochie on cell: Calvin? No, that guy is a walking STD farm. I wouldn't fuck him with Paris Hilton's pussy!
--Coney Island, New York
In Other Words, She'd Fuck Him Jewish
Dude: You know you're turning me on, right?
Hootchie: Do you want me to stop?
Dude: No. No, I don't.
Hootchie: If you didn't have a girfriend, I'd fuck you so hard you wouldn't recognize Jesus.
--Newport, Oregon
Overheard by: Sonora
How J-Lo Can You Go?
Hootchie #1: You can totally see my ass-crack in these jeans -- what do you think?
Hootchie #2: Ass-crack is the new cleavage.
--San Diego, California
Overheard by: AP
A Real Whore Would Have Given You AIDS, Not Just the Clap
Girl: I'm a backpacker, not a real whore.
--Coogee Beach, Sydney, Australia
