Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Ladies All Categories > People > Ladies
Recent | Best Of
...According to That Cosmo Quiz
Over-tanned lady to beach bum eating plum: I would rather drink shower water than eat unwashed fruit.
--Ala Moana Center, Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Jade Buddha
At Least She Went Top-Shelf
Redneck lady coming out of a liquor store: She must have been drunk when she named her kid "Jose Cuervo".
--Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
By Their Sucker Mouths?
Wife to husband: Baby, don't get out in the water! Those kids will be hanging on you like remoras!
--Grand Isle, Louisiana
New Slang for Getting One's Period?
Woman on boardwalk: Yesterday was a bad day. A dead dog washed up on the shore.
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
Why Most Americans Stay away from the Voting Booth
Young woman: I am so not doing that again. One, it's gross, and two, my legs are killing me.
--Chatham Light Beach, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Antonia
Samuel Beckett Was Tanning Nearby, and the Rest Is History
Old lady at car: Henry, wait for me!
Old man carrying beach chairs half a block ahead of her: Dammit, Agnes, I'm going! I've been waiting for you for 40 years!
--Beach near Naples, Florida
Overheard by: X
When He Does Return, Keith Richards Will Have Much to Answer for
Middle-aged lady #1: He keeps calling me on the cell phone telling me he'll be right there and I'm like, 'I've been waiting 25 years, I'm leaving!'
Middle-aged lady #2: And my poor granddaughter is there, and we're all hugging on each other...
--Cabrillo Beach, California
Overheard by: confused
Last Summer She Tried to Get Hawaii to Come About
Woman: Excuse me, is that Catalina?
Man: No, Catalina is over there.
Woman: Oh, well, what island is that?
Man: Um, that's a ship.
--Palos Verdes, California
Instead, How About 'Beano' or 'Drano'?
Woman: Instead of saying hello, we should say heaveno. Hello gives Satan powers.
--Toronto, Ontario
Overheard by: $ue
It's Commentary. And Thank You
Woman: I am talking, and you are farting. That's nice!
--Balmy Beach, Toronto, Ontario
Overheard by: nfh
Doctors Surgically Removed Her Husband
Woman: It wasn't a boob reduction. It was a boob elimination. You know, a man-sectomy.
--Warren Dunes, Lake Michigan
Overheard by: Andrea
Decades of Watching the Weather Channel Has Completely Atrophied Her Weather Sense
Woman: I think I just heard thunder... do you think it's gonna rain soon?
Lifeguard, looking into clear sky: Mmm... yeah. You might want to leave soon. It's probably gonna rain any minute now.
Woman: Oh, OK. Hey, kids! Let's go! It looks like it's gonna rain!
--Caroga Lake, New York
Overheard by: Marc Wiley
Pfff! I Saw That Show -- It's All 'You Know What the Difference Between Aquatic and Land Mammals Is?'
Tourist lady: Do you know when the dolphin show is?
Lifeguard: Uh, yeah, I think the truck just came with all the dolphins in it... should be in about half an hour.
Tourist lady: Oh, great! Thank you.
--Bethany Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Laughing Local
Once You Commit to Pretending You're a Dog, All Other Concerns Become Pretty Trivial
Woman: Do you think Otto* will get a complex because everyone always says "good dog" to him?
Man: I don't think he cares.
--Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: downtown
A Place and a Mental Defect
Woman #1: Is that a dead seal in the water?
Woman #2: Are you Canadian or just stupid?
Woman #1: I'm Canadian.
--Key West, Florida
Overheard by: uarerude
He Said He wasn't, but It's Hard to Argue with the Coroner
Woman #1: I once saw my neighbor being taken out of his house in a coroner's bag.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Because he was dead.
--Manhattan Beach, California
She Ain't a Lady Either
Woman on phone: It's been so long since I have gone out on a date, I think I've forgotten what it feels like to be a woman.
4-Year-Old son, indignantly: You ain't a woman! You're my mother!
--Howell, Michigan
Overheard by: Catherine
How Men Learn Not to Confide in Women
Old lady #1: He told me he has never lasted more than three minutes with anyone!
Old lady #2: Really?? That poor, poor woman of his. No wonder she got a boob job and bites her nails so much.
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
She Thinks the War in Iraq Is Just Darling
Woman #1: Oh my goodness, you should see your daughter! It looks like she's been stabbed; it's the cutest thing.
Woman #2: Oh, really?
Woman #1: Yes! She's been eating cherries, and the juice has run all down her front and all over her hands. It looks like she has blood all over her--it's adorable!
--Old Orchard Beach, Maine
Overheard by: shawshank
She May Have Gotten His Cell Phone Wet
Woman on cell: No, it wasn't a yeast infection. It's not a fishy smell, and I have cramps. I never get cramps!... Yeah...Maybe that's why he's not calling me back.
--Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Kimmie David
I Am Parko, Almighty Parking Deity. Give Me Your Worldly Goods or Roam the Melting Streets Forever!
Parking lot attendant: Thirty dollars.
Woman: Last time I was here, you charged me five dollars.
Parking lot attendant: I should be charging you the same amount as it is degrees outside. I should be charging you like ninety three dollars.
--Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: arc, mich
12-Year-Old Boys
Woman #1: Italian men make the best lovers.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: They have lots of stamina. They last longer and their penises are bigger.
Woman #2: What's the opposite of that?
--Wellfleet, Massachusetts
Ugly Women Have to Strategize. It's a Fact of Life
Three women are standing outside of a bar.
Woman #1: Let's go to Fred's. It's darker in there.
Women #2 and #3 nod in agreement, and they walk to Fred's.
--Avalon, Jersey Shore
Better, I Suppose, Than 'Her Boobs Were Kind of Saggy So She Just Tucked Them Into Her Shorts.'
Woman: Her shorts were kinda baggy so she just tucked them under her boobs.
--Warren Dunes, Michigan
Overheard by: Syd O'Banion
Will I Be Able To Remember You Afterwards?
Guy: Hey, beautiful ladies! My name is Sean. I run a company that increases the number of hits your website gets on search engines. I'm sure I could help you in your line of work What do you do?
Woman: I'm a neurosurgeon.
Guy: Hey, it's good to see that even a brain surgeon has time to head out to the beach. Let me show you how my company can help you get more business.
Woman: I'm sure it can't.
Guy: Well then, how 'bout I just give you my number?
Woman: How about I just give you a lobotomy?
--Nahant Beach, Massachusetts
Only the Fantastic Four and the 22nd Amendment Could Keep BJ Billy Out of the White House
Woman in restaurant: I hear Clinton might run again. And there's nothing to stop him!
--King's Beach, Tahoe, Nevada
Overheard by: Spectater
I'm Under the Sun.....Now
Women on cell walking down a 2-mile beach: I am right by the water. Where are you?
--Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Antzolino
And Her Dad's Probably One of the Seagulls
White trash 7 year old, chasing seagulls: Varmits! Get away, you varmits!
Man: Does she mean varmints?
Woman: She's from Indiana. That 10 year old next to her who is throwing the shovel at the seagulls is probably her mother.
--Indiana Dunes National Park
Why There Should Be a Wall Around New Jersey
Jersey woman, to seagull: Get away, you lazy sonofabitch! Go find your own food! [to friends] Just like Mexicans.
--Wildwood, New Jersey
Overheard by: Dan
In Much the Same Way That the Atmosphere Goes All the Way Through Your Head
Woman: So the water goes all the way around the island?
--Vancouver Island, British Columbia
Overheard by: Molly
New Hampshire: The New Jersey of New England
Older woman: You don't remember me, do you?
Young woman: Nope.
Older woman: You lived next door to me when you lived with your aunt in Salem!
Young woman: Salem?
Older woman: Salem, New Hampshire.
Young woman: I don't have an aunt in Salem.
Older woman: Oh, come on, don't you remember?
Young woman: I never lived in New Hampshire. I have lived in Maine my whole life.
Older woman, sarcastically: Yeah...Okay.
--Wells Beach, Maine
Overheard by: Vee-licious
Not New Jersey: In Other Words, 'They're Real'
Woman, talking about a topless sunbather: Is that a man?
Guy: No.
Woman: God, that is so not New Jersey.
--South Beach, Miami
Overheard by: Marty
Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Fat Like Me?
Woman #1: Honey, I think I need a bigger size. Somethin' to hold some considerable inches...What did you get?
Woman #2: A twelve.
Woman #1: Ooh, I don't have that many inches.
Woman #2: Bitch.
--Swim Shop, Passagrille, Florida
Then She Turned Back, Apologized, and Educated the Girls About 'Show-ers and Grow-ers'
College girl #1: Oh my God! Look at his bulge!
College girl #2: He must have a huge dick.
Random lady: Sluts!
--Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: tanned tourist
Actually, It's the Sequence of the Placement that Concerns Her
Woman #1: I don't mind sand in my bathing suit or sand up my butt, but I don't want sand in my mouth!
Woman #2: Really?
Woman #1: Yup!
Woman #2: Well, I guess that makes sense. There are a lot of things I would rather have in my butt than in my mouth.
--Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: velma
I Hear that's Why Hemingway Stayed for So Long
Elderly lady: Come now, y'all! Key West is gonna be loads of fun! They gots the Ripley's and Cuban people!
--Lido deck, The Carnival Glory, Key West
Overheard by: y'all need an icepack on dat thang?
The House Used to Belong to a Black Man
Lady: You have an awfully long deck.
Homeowner: Thanks... Oh, you said 'deck.'
--Topsail Island, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jim
Shut Your Legs a Little and Your Odds Might Improve
Woman on beach towel: I've never met a ferret that didn't bite me.
--Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Laura From Aurora
What Happened to Gray, Windowless Vans?
Really loud fat lady: Fat old guys drive nice cars to get with the young pretty girls.
--Public parking lot, Seaside, Oregon
Overheard by: Drewlicious
From Etymology to Racism in One Easy Step
Rich lady with yappy dog: Well, 'Caucasian' has 'Asian' in it. Then again, there's a 'turd' in every 'Saturday.'
--Golden Gardens Park, Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Disturbed
When the Doors of Perception are Cleansed, Man Will See Her Ass as It Truly is: Infinite
Woman: That bitch must have one of those fun house mirrors that she looks thin in, because that ass in that suit is just wrong, wrong, wrong.
--Playa Del Carmen, Mexico
