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I Wonder If He Realizes He'll Never Go Back?

Skinny white guy, unaware that white girlfriend's huge black brother is walking behind him: I don't know why, but I just really want to fuck a black chick!

--Robert Moses, New York

Overheard by: Zep

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Two Words: Ironclad Prenup

Ana #1: Oh my god, look at that guy. He's huge!
Ana #2: Like, really, someone needs to introduce him to Weight Watchers or something!
Girl passerby: Hey, snugglebutt! [Gives large guy hug and kiss.]
Ana #1: What the fuck?
Ana #2: Girlfriend? That fat whale?
Girl passerby: Husband. And you two might have men in your lives if you actually had boobs rather than a caved-in skeleton chest. Come on, schnookums, let's go get some ice cream.

--Westerly, Rhode Island

Overheard by: blanket not far away, lauging my ass off

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2008-02-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

You'd Still Have a Hard Time Scoring

Anorexic girl: I wish I had AIDS. I hear you lose a lot of weight that way.

--San Francisco, California

Overheard by: so not PC

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2006-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Tie Goes to the Hungriest

Thin little girl: Let me see it! Let me see it!
Fat little girl: No! MY dead fish!

--Lake Erie, Monroe, Michigan

Overheard by: sandra g

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2006-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

To Prove a Point: It's Polite to Swallow, Miss Fastidious

Skinny girl: Yeah, but why does he always have to spit on me afterwards?

--Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

Overheard by: Grossed Out

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2006-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

'Cause, If So, It's Totally Your Turn

A black man cuts in line ahead of two anorexic JAPs.

Anorexic JAP #1: Why are we here again?
Anorexic JAP #2: Ugh, I know! This would never happen back in Boca!
Black man: Eat something, you Jewish popsicles!
Anorexic JAP #1: Did he just ask us to give him a blowjob?

--Deerfield Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Laughing

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2006-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

I Did. You Look Fabulous.

Anorexic JAP #1: You look really good in that new swimsuit.
Anorexic JAP #2: I wish I could say the same to you, but you look a little pugdy around the hips.
Anorexic JAP #1: Why don't you just do what I did? Lie.

--Palm Beach, Florida

Overheard by: JAP

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2006-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Insert Vibrating Ring Joke Here

Teen boy, to anorexic teen girl #1: Why do you keep your phone in your thong?
Anorexic teen girl #2: Well, where else is she going to put it? She has no boobs.

--Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Sam

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2006-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook