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English Majors on Vacation
Sunbathing coed: Action, action, I need action! A-C...
Helpful friend: S-H-O-N.
Together: Action!
--Carnival Imagination cruise ship
Britney and K-Fed in Five Years
Drunk mother: So, do... When we should send the kids to bed?
Drunk father: Well, the older one can stay up later tonight... What the fuck is that kid's name...?
Drunk mother: Brianna?
Drunk father: Who the hell...? I mean, Sabrina.
Drunk mother: You're holding Sabrina.
Drunk father: Cassie! Send the other two to bed in an hour or so, but Cassie can stay up later. [Baby in his arms starts to cry.] Shut the hell up, Cheyenne.
--Beach campground, Mindon, Ontario, Canadia
What Would It Cost to Rent It?
40-something guy: So, what do you do for a living?
Chick in bikini: Oh, I have a long list of things...
40-something guy: Stripper?
Chick in bikini, hardly offended: Do I look like I have the body of a stripper?
40-something guy: That's why I asked.
--Palm Beach, Florida
Something I Probably Would Never Do in Front of You
Boyfriend to girlfriend's underage sister: Want a beer? [Girlfriend and little sister stare at him.] What? It's not like I asked her to blow me.
--Treasure Island Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Sara
Leave Your Sister Alone, Honey -- She Had a Hard Night
12-year-old girl: Mom! She's throwing up pickles in the pool!
--Ixtapa, Mexico
And Not a Good-Looking One, Either
Aussie queer: I know that guy's gay. That's got to be his sister. A minute ago a guy came walking up to him that had the same look -- tattoos, short hair... That's usually a giveaway, right? Monkey's face.
American queer: Monkey's face? What's that mean? Is that another Australian colloquialism?
Aussie queer: No, I was just saying the guy's face looked like a monkey.
--Bronte Beach, Australia
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