I Ran Out of Bag Balm (TM)

Man: I see you've caught the sun a bit!
Fat lady: No, that's just chub-rub.

--Spain

Overheard by: Vertman

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Posted 2007-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Well, Do You Have a Gerbil and a Teeny Tiny Miner's Hat?

Guy on cell, sighing: What are you gonna do, y'know? I mean, besides putting a flashlight in your vagina... Too bad.

--Delray Beach, Florida

Overheard by: TK

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Posted 2007-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Oaky, with Overtones of Fruit and Tobacco

Chick #1 disappears into bedroom with dude.

Chick #2: Go ahead, bitch, suck his dick. It's sandy and it tastes like me.

--Beach Haven, New Jersey

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Posted 2007-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

We Raised Him Free Range

Four-year-old sprays woman with his giant water gun, and doesn't stop after she warns him repeatedly.

Woman: I'm going to talk to his parents! [Stomps to nearby cafe.] Who is responsible for this child?
Parent: Sorry. What did the little fucker do this time?

--Marmaris Beach, Turkey

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Posted 2007-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

You Really Get to Know Someone after Five Years of Marriage

Bimbette: I thought he was a paraplegic, but it turned out he was just lazy.

--Point Pleasant, New Jersey

Overheard by: Patricia

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Posted 2007-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Welcome to I Hops

Teen on phone: Yeah, I'm just getting some breakfast. [To bartender] Can I get a beer?

--Pub, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Islandhopper

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Posted 2007-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

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